London Club Make Late Bid for Payet

Dimi Demonstrates his Free Kick Skills to his new team mates

Just as it all seems done and dusted in the war of half-truths about Dimi Payet's departure from West Ham to Marseille, a fellow London club have thrown their hats into the ring offering the midfield playmaker a chance to relaunch his floundering career.

St Bonaventure's Secondary School in Forest Gate is one of the top forces in school's football and would provide an ideal setting for Payet to maintain his fitness if the Marseille deal stalls again. Having been ejected from the first team squad and then (allegedly) refusing to play for the U23's, Payet could be forced to drop further down the order and St Bon's could be the ideal place for him to rediscover a sense of discipline and respect.

Some observers have pointed out that at 29 years of age Payet may be too old to qualify for  schoolboys football but, after his recent wantaway antics, he would easily qualify for their Under 14s under the new Immaturity Index as his petulant antics would allow him to fit in perfectly with the other moody teenagers. Moreover, some have suggested that his behaviour could be best dealt with by teaching staff who, in contrast to Slaven Bilic and Co., are trained in how to deal with childish tantrums.

Even better, St Bonaventure's is well equipped to cope with spoilt brat soccer players who have fallen foul of the Hammers faithful with their transfer demands as it includes Jermain Defoe amongst its former pupils!