Just when everybody thought that the Olympic Stadium saga had finally reached a conclusion, up pops some wannabe footie-friendly toff with his tuppence halfpenny worth urging the locals to hold hands and share use of the stadium. Frankly, this never ending reverberation has undermined the whole process which has become farcical. And now, in breaking news, non-league ‘Upton Park Whingers’ have vowed to enter the competition (even though it was completed almost a year ago).
|How UPW might look if they actually existed|
Meanwhile, Jim Coddlesnatcher, chairman of the Ballygobackwards West Ham supporters club lashed out “What do Orient want the stadium for – they only get an average of 3000 for home matches, that wouldn’t even fill one twentieth of the stadium?” Jez Dingleberry, secretary of the ‘O’s for a proper stadium’ action group retorted “ Most non-football observers fail to appreciate that Orient fans are so huge that they each need 3-4 seats in order to be comfortable during matches”.
Come on you O's
However, this argument was put in some doubt as rumours emerged that in fact the real issue for Orient fans may relate to the extraordinarily high rates of urinary frequency and episodes of double incontinence amongst their fans such that they need the excellent lavatory facilities that adorn the luxurious stadium. A source close to the ground asserted “We have got more than 30 male toilets – enough to easily accommodate the needs of a jumped up bunch of League Z incontinents”.
In more placatory move, West Ham’s Baha’i fan club has offered free samples of adult diapers for the incontinence besieged club as an alternative to taking on the huge rental outlay of a development as large as the new stadium.