Demel: I can be the solution to the Hammer’s attacking woes

Yippee!!!

West Ham’s Guy Demel has vowed to continue on his seemingly impossible quest in search of a goal for the Claret and blues of East London. After yesterdays bizarre defeat to Norwich City, the attacking sensation revealed that his fantasy is to be a top striker in the Champions League when the Hammers move to the Olympic Stadium.

Hammer’s fans were again treated to further glimpses of the Ivorian’s attacking potency when he ghosted in for a corner and rattled a header off the Norwich bar. This comes after a number of close misses over the past few matches, including last week when he twice headed the ball over the crossbar from 2 yards!  “I’m just getting revved up to go on a goal scoring spree like I did during my time at Hamburger FC when I bagged a whopping pair of goals in just 131 appearances!”

The conversation then quickly turned to the important question of how exactly how one should pronounce his first name – ‘Gi’ or Gei’. Helpfully, a French translator who happened to be passing at that moment advised “that depends on whether it’s the feminine or masculine context, now get out of my way I am trying to get to the Noocassel game”.

Meanwhile, Hammers fans have begun speculating as to what the Demel goal celebration will look like if the time finally arrives when he breaks his Hammers duck? While some have backed a nonchalant response from the French-speaking star, others have opted to put ntheir money on a considerably more flamboyant somersault-incorporating effort.  

Former Essex pub league striking sensation with Blazers FC, Paxios Meagher added “All you need to do is keep getting into the right places and eventually the ball will ricochet off you into the net”