Friday 2 August 2013

Hammers in deal for top striker Navibot

As the Summer has progressed the transfer rumour mill has become increasingly speculative and even frankly ridiculous, leaving many fans exasperated that their beloved club will be left without the prize of a few big profile Summer signingsto boost their modest ranks. For West Ham the rumours have involved anything up to 30 different players with most focus on their lack of attacking options, especially if the injury prone Andy Carroll is unavailable.

A major challenge has been to identify a player who can play alongside the physically robust Carroll. In an effort to gain the optimum dividend from the physical presence that is the Carrollbeast, Big Sam and the team have signed the services of the top scoring navibot from the International robot soccer league. It is predicted that this eager llittle fellow will hoover up the scraps from Carroll's regular knock downs with ten or more goals an almost certainty over the course of the season.

Furthermore, the unusually obedient performer will be able to perform much needed additional cleaning duties in the hospitality section during non-matchdays and is unlikely to bother the management with any of the tantrums or similar histrionics that characterise modern premiership players. Moreover, the energetic powerhouse is expected to track back enthusiastically when the opposition has possession (generally 70% of most West Ham games) and therefore has significant potential advantages over some of our current squad.

It is a little less clear how well Navibot will perform in away trips to regions of the country that are miserably wet and prone to power cuts, such as Liverpool and Swansea. It is also thought that obtaining a work permit may be problematic, although not as impossibly unreasonable as it is for human south american players such as the Colombian starlet Duvan Zapata. Either way, Big Sam has once again brought the game to a new dimension in use of scientific advances in the search for match results.

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