Wednesday 28 August 2013

Hammers fear case of De Clerambault’s syndrome as Capital One draw turns nasty

As the dust settles this evening after the intense spectacle of the draw for the Capital One cup round three, West Ham are considering making a formal complaint to the FA regarding’ persistent, intrusive and unwanted ‘ contacts from Cardiff City FC. Having already dispatched the limpet-like Welsh club in the opening fixture of this season, the Hammers will have to do it all again if they want to shake off the undesirable  attentions of the Bluebirds.
The evil inventor of this terrible 'illness'
Some Hammers fans have lashed out at the clingy and excessively needy reaction of the Bluebirds to their early season whipping, but top psychobabble-ologists have identified that the real reason behind Cardiff’s stalking “definitely and almost without doubt”  lies in traumas from seasons past – including the absolute thrashing that a rampant Hammer’s side dished out in the Championship play off semi-final tie of 2012. It is believed that the rather plain Welsh club fell head over heals in love with the cosmopolitan and 'Bloke-ish' East Londoners during their thrashing and have been trying to mimic them ever since by employing former Hammers stars such as Craig Bellamy and manager Murdo McLeod.

Forensic pseudoscientists have warned that sometimes this erotomanic behaviour (also known as De Clerambault’s syndrome) can turn nasty – with anger and aggressive behaviour. However, sports scientists have reassured Hammers faithful that there is virtually no chance of the Welsh wizards achieving a giant killing result when they visit the Boleyn.

For Hammers fans, they must dream on to the fourth round if they want to hook up again with the likes of Man United or other glamorous clubs.

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