West Ham prepare for their first European match of the
season with today’s visit to French side Nou-cassel. With a squad populated by a host of French
B-internationals, the Hammers will need to keep a tight eye on proceedings in
order to suffocate any outbreak of flamboyant French nonsense before ultimately
imposing some East London efficiency on the final result.
Big Sam Allardyce, AKA Mr
Cuddly from Dudley, will be cheered by having watched Manky City disembowel
the Magpies last Monday and can expect that their opponents fragile gallic
psyche will not yet have recovered from the devastating 4-0 defeat. Better
still, he will delighted to hear that the chief of frig**g footie at
Nou-cassel, Joe Kind on the ear Kinnear,
has directed that Nou-Cassel maintain their early season defensive generosity in
a bid to attract much needed tourists to the region.
Nou-cassel’s cause will be further dented by the absence of
a number of key players, including new loan signing Loic Remy for whom the loan
arrangements are rumoured will ultimately cost the Toon and arm and a leg in
interest repayments. In addition there is a strong possibility that tasty
midfield talent – Johan Cabaye- will also be unavailable as he continues to receive
amorous attentions from the Ar- Snail. As a consequence, Hammers fans face the
delicious prospect of the Noble-Nolan-Diame Midfield trio once again peforming
a Bermuda-triangle –style disappearing act with the match ball thus denying the
French tricksters much needed possession.
Two Basildon Boyz relaxing pre-season
Two Basildon Boyz relaxing pre-season
Current Nou-Cassel boss, Alain de Pardew, can hardly
complain about such approaches as he has made a number of advances to Hammers handsome
centre back James Tomkins but has underestimated the connection the Basildon
Boy has with the club. Moreover, a move to Nou-cassel would have to be seen as
a retrograde step as the Hammers currently occupy a champions league spot
whilst the Toon languish at the
bottom of the league having failed to attract much needed new signings to
bolster a squad that stumbled home in 16th last year.
Not to be channelled out of the limelight, Uncle Joe, in his
latest media outburst, has announced that all receipts from today’s game will
go to his favourite charity – the Tourette’s Syndrome Foundation - as Gentleman
Joe urged the public to support the much beleaguered sufferers of the neurological disease.
Either way, Big Sam’s boys will be only too happy to
provide their boss with yet another reason to smile as he returns to the club
who sacked him under bizarre circumstances five years ago.
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