Monday, 12 January 2015

Olympic Stadium to Include 'Hammers House of Horror' Bar

As the first images emerged of the desigbn for the corporate lounges at the Olympic stadium, we at VERYWESTHAM have learned that, in an attempt to cater for fans of all tastes including the S&M variety, Messers Goldie and Sullivan have arranged for a 'horror' theme  bar to be installed!

Truly Terrifying!
In contrast to other bars, which are adorned with images of Hammers legends such as Mooro, Brooking, Hurst and Scottie Parker (Errr WHAT?!?!), the 'Hammers House of Horror' Bar celebrates those Hammers who have not necessarily enjoyed such unconditional love from the Hammers fans for whom such reminders provoke all manner of nightmarish sensations.

Smuggled images suggest that portraits of Paul Ince, Benni McCarthy, Marco Boogers and Allen McNightmare on Green Street have been specially commissioned for the purpose so that on match days no matter how bad things are going, fans can be consoled by the fact that things could be worse!

What Hammers Leg-Ends do you nominate for the 'Horrors' bar?


  1. Wot, no responses!? Go on then, i'll do what I reference to your reply to my post about the 'Stabbing Incident'....oooh you crazy kids! I've posted the below response here - as I say to help you out - as well as beneath the aforementioned Calum Davenport 'story' (yawn...) there you go, two posts for the price of one, don't say i'm not trying to help because, to be fair... :-)

    Hello again, it's the 'non-Hammer' who apparently 'smells of Millwall'...(or was that aimed at this site?) to be fair to our four-wheeled cousins still waiting for electricity in the Bermondsey badlands, I was unfortunate enough to be at Wigan the day CC made me an enemy for life just before the plane flew over...I assume you know the event I refer to :-) From initial anger the mood among us turned to grudging respect and a little chuckle. THAT was funny, just as our readiness for 'Agent Lomas' initiatives were being heartedly debated in the Wakey last season - I assume you're still with me! How ironic then that in an attempt to be the 'CRAZY', (lol) 'FUNNY', (erm...) and I dare I say it an ill-informed, self-perceived notion of 'COOL' (ahem...) 'wild kids who just don't care', it's actually a little sad you let yourselves down massively. A lack of imagination, witless dross, irrelevance in abundance, and a clearly genuine ignorance of what constitutes the genetic make up of a Hammer fan warts n'all,'s sort of embarrasing to US. If you were truly going to deploy insipid headlines and stories to make your 'crazy lampooning' (don't think much of yourselves do ya lol :-) of all things West Ham, i'm pretty sure most true Hammers would have cited Bishop/Morleygate to make their point as opposed to Calum Davenport. You see one is genuine folklore, bearing more conspiracy theories than JFK, and the other a tragic act to befall an irrelevance in my club's history. To summarise, like that day at Wigan, West Ham fans do appreciate irony, melancholy wit, banter with bite and caniving caricarturing. Unfortnately, this is a concept that appears remarkably absent from your poor, and in this instance, tasteless, parody of a website that could, but spectacularly fails, to deliver upon what could actually be quite a good idea. Lastly, and to provide a cursory nudge in the right direction, attempts to 'out-West Ham' someone else because you not happy about what they think is generally acknowledged as being the first refuge of the desperate. But then, being West Ham, you'd know,that wouldn't you ;-) learned friend was quite right, Poyet isn't Belgian, but then neither is Poiret. I think you'll find it was Poirot...if you're peddling crap, at least wear a pair of marigolds!

  2. Kinda like yourself don't ya mate? I guess some folk think that the Hammers are more theirs than for anybody else.
    Thanks for taking the time. If you'd like to have a go at showing how it should be done then step up.
    In the meantime, we have referred your observations to Barry the Bludgeoner in our complaints department.

  3. "Kind of embarrassing to US" wtf are "US"? Some elite clique of supercilious clowns who are judge and jury of what's in the Hammers DNA? Or of what's amusing and what isn't? Have you any idea how smug you sound? I'm embarrassed for you. Most West ham fans that o have met over the years enjoy embracing the madness rather than indulging in this brand of preachy bilge. You sound like some tedious religo us extremist spouting judgement and condemnation

    Loosen up pal...


  4. Funny man :-) My dads bigger than I note a slight - and I do mean slight -improvement in you're 'piece' tonight, however still no responses, so again, i'll help out. If it helps, grammar, spelling and punctuation would be key concepts to get your head around if your chosen tool - see what I did there? - is written prose. Otherwise, well, I'm not a cyber warrior :-) With regards your issue with the 'us' and 'my West Ham' terminology, I would refer you to your first reply to me. If you can't take it, don't....i'm sure you've heard the rest before! Barry the burberberberbludgeoner...please see my last post - to which i note you've yet to address any of my points ie, what is the wakey on a matchday?, what, one at a time methinks. As for stepping up, i'm not entirely sure what you mean. I would have thought it's clear you cannot embark on a battle of wits or knowledge with me, so please do elucidate. Ps, hope you had fun Googling the Bishop/Morleygate incident/ And btw, just because somone isn't illiterate, it doesn't mean they can't be West Ham fans...infact, there's quite a few who manage the two! Gotta say i'm enjoying this :-) till next time 'Ed'!

    1. Ooogh gorgeous! Where to start? Firstly, apologies abound for the Millwall taunt - its an effective means of dispensing with the random trollers and in all honesty our questioning of your credentials as a genuine Hammer were as far of the mark as your notion that the Bish-Morley 'incident' are unknown to this source. I cannot, however, see how that incident might be a better point of comparison for Andy's domestic mishap than the sordid events that the Hotspuds reject encountered after we provided refuge for him from No Heart Lane. In simple terms, the linkage with tedious domestic shenanigans is a better means of highlighting how we really don't need to be dragged into every last little happening in planet dross. The Bish/Morley 'affair' was altogether more complex and occured in an era when the rumour mill was paper based (OLAS etc) and in some respects more delicious. The Bishop-Morleygate 'thang' endures more for the conspiracy theories around the love that shall not mention it's name deblah blah....Hardly relevant to Andy and his current Mona Lisa?Interestingly, Bish has featured in our musings quite frequently while Ragdoll has not. I suspect this touches on the identity of a Hammer - both were good servants but Bish continued the Devonshire lineage (something we have highlighted in our particular way) while Morley was just another modest performer ( albeit with a Gooners scalp to his name). My sense is that the role of hairy midfield creative lynch pin may next be taken up by young Poyet...or is it Poirot or the poetically licensed 'Poiret'. But then you know the baby steps linkage was deliberate?

      And so to the 'Horror' bar which seems to have upset you so much...The REAL point here is that Scott P is not a legend of the Broooking/Hurst/Mooro ilk. The mode equivalents should have been Rio/Joey Cole and Frankie jnr but fotball is different nowadays and they wowed elsewhere (painfully). Of today's bunch Noble or Tomkins warrant that berth more than SP. Even James Collins or Winston Wantaway would be a more deserving cause. The OS will be worthwhile if the next crew stay with us for the productive phases of their careers. As for our choices...McNightmare is a legend and despite his massive role in that relegation campaign remains one of 'us'. Boogers is..well...Boogers...I almost went to visit him on a recent trip to Holland as he is a pretty mundane director of football at his home town club now ( there never was a caravan and he was mostly a victim of our Arry's sharp practice and man mismanagement. Ince's inclusion is lazy but that snap is hilarious. AG was indeed horrific but Halloween himself ( the Dowiebeast) has a long term lease on the aesthetically-challenged berth.

      Finally, you raise the issue of 'presentation'. The Hammers world has enough glossed-up sites to keep folk happy. We don't care to compete as many folk have covered that angle and as you suggest make a few shillings while they are at it. That's not the point of VERYWESTHAM as we serve to infuse the daily revelations from fortess Boleyn with some thought-disordered ramblings of long time Hammers observers ( who have more than adequate doses of the DNA you refer to-even in exile).

      Oh, and then there's the typos and grammar....For some that's an incidental element best left to the 'experts' on the many media-friendly commercial sites....

      Step up....well, let us guest you on our site...are you 'crazy' enough to show us how it can be done better?

  5. P.S. The A G moment was indeed amusing in retrospect; albeit painfull at the time , but where are Wigan now? I've been at Ye Old Trafforde for the deliciously awful 7-1 Skelping...and amongst that lot for the party that ensued...their lack of humour and basic appreciation of the vissicitudes was the most disappointing element of the day.

    I think we are better than that but all the success of the OS era will hopefully evidence that we are a different class to the 'competitive' plastic mancs.

  6. Aping Blair Witch Project, the found footage short sees a car of friends driving in the mountains when they pick up a hitchhiker going by the name Teresa Fidalgo.

    Mostly silent, the new passenger eventually points to a spot in the road ahead of the car where she "died", with the camera panning back to her to show her face suddenly bloody before the car crashes.

    While numerous White Lady stories like this have been dreamt up over the years, something about the specificity of 'Teresa Fidalgo' and her supposed (but definitely phony) links to a real accident that occurred on a Portuguese road have caught the imagination of easily-scared teenagers.


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