Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Fulham in audacious move for Hammers Starlet


Morrison gets the 'Tomkins treatment'
Reports in the media this morning have revealed the extent of the delusion at Craven Cottage as to their status within the echelons of Premiership football. Apparently, new boss Rene Meulensteen has pencilled in Hammers wonderkid Ravel ‘Raveldo’ Morrison as one of a number of high profile signings aimed to save the relegation-threatened West London outfit. Here at VERYWESTHAM, we can reveal that the Cottagers also would like to gain the services of Lionel Messi as well as a shock move to bring former Spurs star Gareth Bale back to London – but to the posh side this time.

How Raveldo probably looks in Fulham Fans' dreams
Julian Thorpington-Barnes, speaking from his trendy little West London bistro, offered that the ‘trendy’ club should be allowed extra squad members due to the chronic issues with gout  that have beset the club. “The FA also need to realise that a loose conglomeration of artisans such as those who perform for Fulham inevitably need time off to attend art exhibitions and poetry readings”. The occasional artistry of Berbatov and Duff is simply not enough for the Fulham-faithful.

                                                                  How Morrison looks in real life
Other sources have claimed that the rumours are merely a cheap ruse to unsettle the Hammers in order to avoid another humiliating 3-0 whu-pping like that which finally ended the tenure of previous Fulham boss Martin Jolly. “Why would Messi join Fulham – their strip is crap – all white and black, it’s a nightmare to avoid colours running when you wash it? His mum will almost certainly block any move”. Other reports have emerged that in fact Fulham are seeking the services of Jim Morrison, formerly of the Doors and who has been out of action with a nasty injury for some time.

3 comments:

  1. Very funny.....maybe you should have wrote this after tomorrow

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  2. Why bother, even with a makeshift defence we can continue our tremendous record against Fulham....and if maiga misfires, Carlton "Killer" Cole will be on hand to add to his amazing tally vs Fulham - easily his favourite club. maybe they should sign him instead?

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  3. This would have been just a badly written blog full of very lazy jokes, but because West Ham were so awful at the Cottage it also makes the writer look quite stupid. After that inept display on Wednesday I'm not really surprised Morrison wants to leave, even if it's for a team playing as badly as Fulham.

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