Tuesday 24 December 2013

Dylan to launch James ‘Hurricane’ Tomkins campaign

Developments in the James Tomkins arrest debacle took a new turn last night as rumours emerged that a host of celebrities plan to take up the cause for the under fire Hammers star. Folk leg-end Robert Zimmerframe has seized upon the minor incident as a means to promote his ailing career by launching a Ruben ‘Hurricane’ Carter-style protest campaign in search for justice for the possibly innocent Hammer.  
How a Dylan visit to an imprisoned Tomkins might look
As the campaign spirit kicked in, sources close to the infamous Manson-family sisters indicated that the girls are considering a courthouse protest similar to the one they staged for the Charles Manson trial in 1970 and are already mobilising for Tomkins appearance at Basildon Court on January 9th.  However, given that the Manson ‘girls’ are now in their sixties, it is predicted that a modern day equivalent drawn from the local community might be better suited to the role. It is expected that there will be no shortage of volunteers from the TOWIE series of which James is possibly a fan.

Although some observers have pointed out that Tomka is merely upholding a tradition of geezer-foolishness at the east London club, some have pointed to previous attempts by the rozzers to frame the West Ham defence with the bizarre arrest of Tomkin’s central defensive partner James Collins in 2008 as a prime example. Collins was arrested in Berkeley square for allegedly being involved in a brawl but subsequently de-arrested when it became apparent that it was an unfortunate case of mistaken identity!  
                                                             The ears give it away!
After Tomkin’s performance at Old Trafford earlier in the day, it is thought that he indeed may have been mistaken for his fellow-Essex celebrity and former X-factor contestant ‘Rylan’ who is known to do convincing impersonations of a range of top soccer stars. 

1 comment:

  1. bet Rylan cant do a good Wayne Rooney though


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