Tuesday 17 December 2013

Di Canio for the Hot Seat at Ailing Hotspurs


Paolo strips down for Spurs
It’s always painful to see your neighbour suffering and sadly for the Hammers fans we have to regularly endure the pantomime of Tottenham’s overambitious fumblings going wrong. And so it is that Mourinho-lite has been deemed merely light on leadership and duly sacked by a panicked board who appear to have wasted the 100 gazillion quid transfer fee for Gareth Bale on a bunch of gutless journeymen who would be better suited to the boards at Drury rather than White Hart (Lane).

But help is on the way. Verywestham have learned that his almighty craziness, the one and only Paolo Di Canio, is eyeing the Tottenham job. Having been forced to dump the ill-disciplined Slumberland, Paolo is looking for pastures new to ply his wares and the case is more than compelling – consider these five reasons why Di Canio would be perfect for Tottenham:

1. He’s a Hammer: Tottenham have lacked cohesion since their disgraceful sacking of Harry Hammer who thankfully has subsequently developed a successful career as an author of Fairy Tales and children’s stories. In truth, without regular donations from their East London neighbours, Spurs would never survive at the highest level as their youth system is simply not sufficiently productive. Luckily, the generosity of the Bubbles Boyz is such that they have boosted ailing Tottenham teams over the years with the likes of Jermain Defoe and Michael Carrick as well as Sir Martin Peters, of course. In return, those mean Hotspurs have sent the Hammers a spent Jimmy Greaves and Calum Davenport. Hmmm.

2. Di Canio knows how to beat Arsenal, Chelsea and Man United:  Let’s face it, Tottenham will never really win anything of note as they are simply not at that level. Instead, their best bet for happiness is the occasional victory over one of the big clubs, including ‘arch’ rivals Arse n all. As his time at the Hammers demonstrated, Mr Di Canio has the knack of getting one over on each of these clubs – on occasion almost single handedly which may be a skill he would need with the current Tottenham squad!

3. Di Canio is a disciplinarian: Premiership sides looked on with interest as west Ham demonstrated earlier this season how to dismantle the current gutless Tottenham side – and then Man City and Liverpool followed the example by heaping humiliation upon the tragic North Londoners – in all cases on their own turf. OOOOghhhhh that hurts! Di Canio would simply not tolerate such nonsense and would be likely to impose all manner of amusing bans and punishments upon his players for such performances. Watch out mobile phones and various condiments!

4. He’s not a fascist! The howling protestations from the uber-sensitive PC police in the aftermath of Di Canio’s appointment to Slumberland served to provide a platform for the crazy one to explain his complicated political philosophy. This, it appears, is actually a cry for world peace and more funding for animal refuges and donkey sanctuaries – which is where Tottenham fits in perfectly! Moreover, the prospect that his arrival could provoke members of the board to resign in protest ala Miliband would surely come as music to the ears of current Tottenham fans who must be sick of the eratic posturings of the current lot?

5. Only a crazy person would go to Tottenham at present! After the experiences of the past 7-8 years of the ruthless and downright ridiculous dismissals of a chain of managers before they have even warmed the ‘Hot’spur seat, one must conclude that only somebody who is more than just a little bit crazy in the coconut would get involved with those trigger happy honchos at the Lane. Poor Paolo is more than a little vulnerable right now after the Sunderland experience and could thus be the perfect target for the advances of a substandard outfit like ColdSpurs.


Dedicated to Dr John – the only Spurs fan in the village, probably!

 

22 comments:

  1. Hell No we will end up in the shite with bubble blowers if we appoint him!!!!!
    It makes me laugh SPAMMERS going on about not winning anything hahahahahahahahaha have you barrow boys EVER won anything???
    you should be sacking old fat face championship football in your new library lol

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    1. Why all the capitals, explanation marks and lol's you've said nothing funny.We won the world cup, show some respect you no mark.

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    2. Really im sure that was England in 66 you cretin,

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    3. marc - what's that thing beside you in the picture - is she your girlfiend?

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    4. gosh!!! Spuds fanz awful quiet today...LOL!!!

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  2. West have won the FA Cup three times: in 1964, 1975 and 1980 as well as being runners-up twice, in 1923 and 2006. In 1965, they won the European Cup Winners Cup, and in 1999 they won the Intertoto Cup.

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    1. Hahaha your including the intertoto cup lol priceless.......you and your barrow boy owner need to get a grip you're championship quality at best, yes you beat us by 3 at the lane but that's your cup final and your still dross.

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  3. deluded hammers, forever in our shadow! Dont know why you are so obsessed with Spurs... Leyton Orient are your rivals hahahahahaha

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    1. Oh yes barrow boys you know its true... you'll NEVER be our rivals..... come on the O's

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  4. Wet spam are simply SHIT! We've played shit all season and still above u crackheads. That's how it's always gonna be so get used to it, oh wait ualready are...

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    1. OOOgh, you girls really are tetchy just now!

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    2. When was the last time you beat us 3-0 at our place? It was oh, what, hang on, never... 3-0 AHHHH

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    3. 25/08/1962 A West Ham United West Ham United 6:1

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    4. Bobby was injured that day. At least we scored in front of our fans and hadn't just spent £100,000,000 on crap. Plus 4 years later we won the world cup so all was forgotten. Much more recently we beat you 4-0 at your place. Then this year we beat you 3-0 at your place your such a "massive club"

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    5. You didn't win the world cup but if that's all you've got to hang on too you go for it petal

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    6. Bobby was injured? sure he just weren't out thieving?!

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  5. Premiership sides looked on with interest as west Ham demonstrated earlier this season how to dismantle the current gutless Tottenham side – and then Man City and Liverpool followed the example by heaping humiliation upon the tragic North Londoners – in all cases on their own turf. OOOOghhhhh that hurts! --- Get your facts straight idiot the Man City drubbing we suffered was at the Etihad not at the lane you retard

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    1. xlnt!!! That means you've still gotta faceCity at the Lane - they'll be looking for the Guiness book of records

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  6. ooogh. indirect free kick tó you Sír!
    Actually i was too busy laughing tó notice the stádium vs City!

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  7. át what point did you realise that you were gonna get humiliated? 3RD ŐR 4th goal usually does it...

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  8. Hey, I wouldn't lower myself by responding to these lowlife backward delusional Spuds until they stop licking those windows.

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