Monday 28 January 2013

Potts opts for Knievel Stunt Role

Potts (in the background) practises the elusive ‘stadium jump’ 

Much as your average armchair slob imagines that the modern game is inhabited by noncey-poncey modern dance impressionist wannabes, the truth is that the speed and aggression of football at the top flight frequently makes for harsh collisions that can do serious damage – compare the amount of time players spend on the sidelines with injuries nowadays with seasons ago, and bear in mind that medical care and ‘protection’ from referees has improved so much.

More  sickening scenes at Goonersville

Young Dan Potts burgeoning career with the Hammers encountered another set back last week when he was stretchered off against Arsenail after being knocked unconscious after a collision with Baccary Sagna Hair extensions. The harrowing scenes that followed served as a re-run of the horror show that Hammers fans experienced during a pre-season trip to Southend back in July when he was also the victim of a concussive collision.

Sordid  stuff at Saff-end
And so, after this latest life-threatening concussion scare, young Dan Potts has elected to switch sports to the considerably less dangerous stunt motorcycling and thus follow in the steps of that legend of dangerous ‘sports’ Evel Knievel. 

Some of the nonsense Potts is expected to get up to

More foolishness
Statistical experts have calculated that young Dan’s new career is likely to be considerably less dangerous than playing at left back for the Hammers, as other high profile casualties can attest to. George McCartney, West Ham’s other left back and current Northern Irish Bull-riding champion, is a long-term detainee on the side lines due to a high speed collision earlier this season. Thankfully, the ace defender will have plenty to keep him busy with his second sports career as his Ulster home is a particularly fertile region for angry livestock.

However, in a ground breaking move to stem the tide of top footie stars abandoning their deadly sport, the Hammers health and science department have issued all Hammers defenders with new protective headgear. This will be worn in all training and other off-field activities (e.g. late night socialising, weekend trips to Dublin) but cannot be worn on the Premiership field of play until it is fully sanctioned by the FA. Meanwhile, Hammers faithful are hoping that the new device can save Pott’s career and convince him to stay with his defensive duties.
Young Potts models the innovative headgear


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