In breaking news, after almost eons of speculation it has emerged that Joey O’Brien has made the ultimate commitment to West Ham by signing up for a new contract that will span all of eternity! In a deal that is almost as complicated as Robert 'bluesman' Johnson's Crossroads contract with Louis Cypher, O'Brien has traded mere journeyman status for a place at the table of Hammers legends.
The deal is seen as no more than just reward for the uber-flexible Irishman, who has performed in a variety of positions this year including midfield, right and left back, centre half, Outside quarter, inside one-eighth and triple inside left. As if that wasn’t enough, Hammers goal drought is such that the evergreen O’Brien has started popping up as a ‘ghost’ striker and scoring some precious goals!
Although O’Brien has been dubbed the squad contortionist, he draws the line at certain roles, however, and has inserted a clause in the contract which specifically forbids the Hammers management from assigning him duties as Harry the Hammer or one of the Bubbles boys who have been such a hit as the new on-field emergency medical team for the Hammers.