Taking a Pessimistic Stance on the End of Season Table

Football London provided a link for wannabe-Nostradamus types to predict the results of all relegation-relevant games between now and the season's end.

We told Rory Nostradamus to think negatively about West Ham results and boy did he get grumpy - predicting not a single win in our remaining fixtures!

But even with four draws Moyes men will likely stumble over the line given the accordion like nature of the bottom half of the table!

If our tealeave reader is correct then Forests home form will see them dip ahead of Leicester and Everton! That would see two shock relegation-ers! 

After the heroics against Arsenal at the weekend, Hammers fans will be hoping for a few wins and in reality two victories should be easily enough but as veterans of relegation mud fights we know that the run in can throw out some crazy results!

Moreover, with 3 points for a win a sudden shift in form or fortunes could yet save Everton or Leicester.

Maintaining our superior goal difference could yet become vital.

Right, lets get back to Gent tomorrow night. They looked decent in the first leg but surely we will play better in the home leg?

COYI!!!

It's Passport Time but today's clash is crucial to determining which competition?

 

It's been a mixed weekend of results for West Ham as after the unexpected joys of Leicester and Spurs bottling their chances, a markedly under-strength Man City handed Chelsea three points and Liverpool maintained their steady creep by beating Southampton. 

But all of that pales in significance in comparison to the Everton game today. Although the Hammers are now 5 points off the pace for fourth, they have a game in hand and on the face of it a relatively gentler run in. 

Chelsea are probably home at this stage but have three tough games in the run in against Arsenal, Leicester and Villa. They are on a tremendous run but should they stumble it could get very tight - a loss to Leicester in particular would be a major blow, while their final game could well see Villa pushing for a Europa spot.  The distractions of the FA Cup and Champions League final will add to the pressure. 

Leicester's defeat to Newcastle was a massive blow that will trigger all sorts of anxieties about a repeat of last year's implosion in the final run in. With their remaining games away to Man Utd, Chelsea and then home to Spurs, they could struggle to stay ahead of the chasing pack as both Liverpool and West Ham have a run of very winnable games.

Speaking of Liverpool, they have won 4 of their last 6 games and suddenly look like they could sneak into fourth spot. With Palace, Burnley and West Brom to come, and the rescheduled trip to Old Trafford, their experience at the business end of things could prove crucial.

But enough of the competition, the Hammers have four games that will be among the most important in years. On paper, today's game against Everton is the toughest and with 5 games left the Toffees are still very much in the mix. A win or draw today for West Ham would make it most unlikely that Everton might finish above the Hammers and barring an implosion would in effect guarantee at least Europa League qualification. 

However, the Europa League would be a booby prize for the Hammers after such a fine season and in reality although qualifying for it should be a stepping stone towards the Champions League, it tends to impede clubs that do not have big squads as they face the vagaries of fixture congestion and midweek travel etc.

Making the Champions League really would be a game changer for West Ham as it would undoubtedly enhance the likelihood of keeping our top players at the club and attract that much needed top striker!

Any likelihood of an implosion over the run in seems less likely with Antonio, Rice and Ogbonna back in the mix. It's still unclear which of the three will start today but David Moyes has not ruled anything out. 

In short, a win today keeps the fourth spot VERY attainable as it seems likely that three wins and a draw should be enough.

Let's hope Moyes' men can avoid becoming distracted by the bigger picture.

Either way, European football is getting closer and closer - maybe it's time to invest in a suitable passport holder? Check out the link below for the coolest we have come across so far!

COYI!!!

https://www.retroclasico.co.uk/product/west-ham-united-1976-retro-football-passport-case/

The Truth About Yesterday's Performance

VWH's Youth Reporting Team Enjoy the build up to Yesterday

Another point gained as we crawl tortoise-like towards 40 point. In truth, this is how it was last time under David Moyes - tight, patient, tactical and conservative. Everton looked there for the taking but Moyes had few options with a desperately depleted squad where the starting XI essentially self selected. Right from the start you could see that we were going to have to play it tight with a starting XI that had no real pace, lacked height across the team for set pieces, and relied upon Noble and Rice putting in a busy and physically demanding shift with no real support available from the bench if either tired or got injured.

Despite these major impediments, we looked determined and passed the ball really well, building attacks slowly - mostly because we had no pace to do otherwise! A point will therefore suffice but with some very tough fixtures ahead, it's hard to see us not slipping into the relegation zone again over the coming 4-6 weeks. At least with Moyes we won't panic!

Yesterday also highlighted how thin our squad is right now. We need reinforcements. Imagine if any of Haller, Rice or Noble got injured??? Zabaleta was superb yesterday, as was Noble but they cannot be relied upon to keep that up week in and week out. You really have to wonder why Diangana has not been recalled from West Brom - he would have been a real addition to our bench yesterday as we lacked a game changer to bring on and at 70 minutes the game was there to be taken if either side had a decent impact player to introduce. Neither did!

Here are our player ratings in what was a solid overall performance.

Randolph: Great to have him back! Quiet day but handled everything well and decent distribution with kick outs.No chance with the goal. 7/10.

Zabaleta: Tremendously mature performance. Gave not an inch at the back and was decent going forward. Neither he nor Snoddy rely on pace to get down the wing and seem to work well for each other as a result! 7.5/10.

Cresswell: Decent performance all round. Linked well with both Fornals and then Masuaku. Set pieces not so good. 7/10. 

Diop: Very reassuring to have him back to his best. Solid and confident in defence and chipped in with a brilliantly headed goal. 8.5/10

Ogbonna: Solid, Solid, Solid. It's really hard to decide who he prefers alongside him - Diop or Balbuena but he looked comfortable with Issa yesterday. First CB on the team list fully justified again. 8/10. 

Noble: Worked unbelievably hard to keep us on top of the visitors. Everywhere for 60 minutes but then faltered a bit. We desperately need reinforcements. In a side with no pace he managed our passing game plan to perfection. 8.5/10.

Rice: A big presence in midfield and a major part of why we look more solid defensively. Possibly prefers the Moyes method to Pellegrini's more open game? 7.5/10.

Snodgrass: In the thick of everything good that we did offensively. Nice free kick for Diop's goal. Linked well with Zabba and Noble to control the right flank. 8/10.

Fornals: Has settled into the Premiership and looks comfortable in the team. Strange early sobbing as he looked much more likely than the rather flat Lanzini. 7/10.

Lanzini: In and out but still not back to his old self. The only player with real pace on our side yesterday but was caught alone when we tried to break. Also, does he like playing with Haller? There is very little evidence that they are linking well to date? 6/10.

Haller: Hmmm. Lacks pace and his languid style creates an air of disinterest. Has physical presence and at last we are starting to get some crosses in to him. Very average performance for a £50M striker. 6/10. 

Substitutes:

Masuaku: Lovely on the eye with his twinkle-toed style. Playing further forward suits him but Arthur lacks the killer touch and is no real substitute for Felipe Anderson. 7/10.

Ajeti: The best that we've seen from him so far - maybe there's hope that he can be more than just emergency cover for Fornals. Bristled for the few minutes that he was on. 6/10. 

MOTM: Issa Diop.

Disturbing News For Hammers Fans

West ham welcome Everton to the London Stadium today hoping to recover after the disappointment of losing under controversial circumstances at Sheffield United last weekend. David Moyes is talking tough suggesting that his side can develop upon their superb 3-0 crushing on Everton in one of his final games during his successful previous stint as club manager.

Indeed, the Hammers have looked much more organised both offensively and, inevitably at the back, since his arrival. However, Everton have also formed up under new boss Carlo Ancellotti and have risen up the table to 11th. With  series of super tough fixtures coming up, the Hammers simply need some points on the board so they will be inclined to play it tight and tough.

Dazzler Randolph looks set to walk back into the side after boomeranging back from a successful period at Middlesboro and Moyes has hinted that he is likely to start. Otherwise, Antonio could he back while Anderson is a doubt.

Paddy Poor- Maker has Everton as favourites at 7/5, the Hammers at 15/8 and the draw 12/5. Worryingly, Mystic Mark Lawrenson reckons the Hammers will prevail 2-1....but he's usually wrong with most things to do with West Ham!

Disturbing...

COYI

Bobby Bubbles gives his verdict on a day of disappointment: player ratings

Pellegrini: He has a real job on his hands if he is to rid the club of our traditional inconsistency. Once again when we looked set to push into seventh we totally blew it
 We look disorganised in defence and although we enjoyed a thriller against Huddersfield, defensively we were a shambles. The team horribly underperformed yesterday but the formation didn't help. Strange starting selection highlights how short we are on a decent striker with Arnie totally off form. Pelle looks out of ideas as to how to manage the moody Austrian. Also, if Noble was fit enough for the bench why didn't he come in at half time as we were totalky over-run in midfield in the first half? 4/10.

Fabianski: Is it any wonder he has the highest shot stopping statistic in the league. A busy day with little thanks but he saved us from an embaerrassing scoreline. Its a bad sign when the keeper is your MOTM! 8/10.

Zabaletta: As always, he gave it everything but struggled with Everton's pace throughout. D8d try to kick off some attacking response but couldn't connect with anybody on a day that we played like strangers. 5/10.

Ogbonna: Its hard to know which of our CBs should give way for Balbuena but both looked ill focussed and struggled to maintain a coherent line. 4/10.

Diop: See above. My guess is that Pelle will bring Balbuena back in to partner Issa next week. Hopefully that will spark a return to his early season form. 4/10.

Cresswell: Victim of a poor formation that left him repeatedly isolated against Coleman and mates down the left. Offered little going forward in what was a blunt offensive performance. 4/10.

Rice: The one player who can take something positive from his performance but all too often its becoming the Rice show in the engine room. He was hopelessly outnumbered on a frustrating day. 6/10.

Obiang: With reduced game time his performances have dwindled. Simply not a big enough presence for a defensive midfielder and off the pace. Hopefully Noble will be fully fit for next week. 2/10.

Snodgrass: Huffed and puffed but couldn't make an impact. 4/10.

Lanzini: Still not back to his pre-injury level but with more game time we can hope he will step up again. Missed a creative partner in midfield with Anderson and Nasri absent. 4/10.

Perez: Errr....a strange selection to say the least. Maybe he is playing well in training but its hard to see why Pelle keeps giving him a chance. 1/10.

Arnautovic: Another pedestrian shift. He looks short on confidence. Had two decent chances in the first half but totally fluffed both of them. The boos as he was subbed said it all. 4/10.

Subs

Antonio: Tried to add energy but lacked the necessary guile to turn around an abysmal day. 4/10.

Chicharito:  Strikets need service. He didn't get any. 3/10.

Diangana: Guilty of trying too hard but at least he gave it a go. 4/10.

Pelle Springs Another Surprise as Hammers Push for Seventh

 

Manuel Pellegrini is certainly a manager who likes to keep his squad on their toes and is never shy of shaking things up in terms of team selection. With Everton visiting the London Stadium this evening Hammers fans will be hoping that they can push up to seventh place as results elsewhere (defeats for both Wolves and Watford) have created an opening for West Ham to grab their highest position of the season - its a long time since their abysmal opening 5 games!

 

However, with both Felipe Anderson and Samir Nasri unavailable, the Hammers really need Marko Arnautovic to rediscover the form that prompted all the interest over the January window. In truth, the Austrian has not looked the same player since signing a new contract and all the publicity seems to have affected his confidence as he has lacked his usual swagger.

 

With Manuel Lanzini slowly regaining match fitness, and Robert Snodgrass adding invention to the midfield, the Hammers will hope that will bring enough invention to open up the Everton defence. Pedro Obiang and Lucas Perez get rare opportunities to impress from the start.

 

With Diangana, Antonio and Hernandez on the bench, Pellegrini has options if things are not going the Hammers way, while Captain Claret is available to come on and shore things up if West Ham get ahead.

 

 

West Ham: Fabianski, Zabaleta, Ogbonna, Diop, Cresswell, Rice, Obiang, Lanzini, Snodgrass, Perez, Arnautovic

Subs: Adrian, Masuaku, Balbuena, Noble, Diangana, Antonio, Hernandez, 

Watford: the new Luton?

It used to be Everton until we finally removed the hoodoo tag, before that it was Luton (and also Oldham), with a few years interspersed of (rationally) hating Sheffield United, but today its definitely Watford. Maybe its their insipid kit, or perhaps the more than slightly irritating Troy Deeney, but there can be no doubting that Watford are an annoying club. 

My only fond memory of Watford was being at the game in 1986 when McAvennie and Cottee scored in a 2-0 win for the Hammers. Then again , we had Alvin Martin, Alan Devonshire and Mark Ward playing that day and were simply too classy for Watford.

Yesterday's game was a strange one as we ended our winning streak with a subdued performance that lacked the cutting edge we had found in previous weeks. Up front, Chicharito and Antonio has gilt edge chances to swing the game back in our favour but it was just one of those days.

Fabianski's tremendous performance was the highlight, which perhaps says it all as we didn't really get beyond third gear. The crossbar and post also added to the conspiracy as Michail Antonio's recent goalfest (!?!) came to an end.  

In truth, Watford had sussed how to wreck our buzz and deserved to win, albeit with more than a little help from the referee who, apart from (correctly) not sending of Balbuena for the penalty challenge, did little to enhance our chances of salvaging something from a poor performance.

The best teams can still get results when they are off form. We are not there just yet.  

Hammers Dispel the Bogey Boys - but who was MOTM?

Sunday's victory at Everton is likely to go down as a major landmark in the Pellegrini era, marking the end of a troubling start to his leadership and the beginning of what should be a push up the Premiership rankings. Having only beaten Everton twice in our previous 22 attempts at Goodison, it was especially pleasing to get the better of our bogey team. The significance of the result was further emphasised by the fact that in their Premiership history Everton have scored more goals against West Ham than any other team!

That said, the manner of the win was a major talking point as Pellegrini's team demonstrated pace, mobility and precise passing that simply left Everton chasing shadows for long periods. Despite a four game losing streak, his calm assuredness was demonstrated by a team that looked confident and determined. There was a sense right from the beginning that this was West Ham's day! 

Add to that the presence of Theo Walcott on the Everton team (have we ever beaten a team he was playing for before?) and with our least popular referee, Martin Atkinson, officiating, this was a day when we picked a few bogeys! 

The one uncertainty from the game was who should get Hammers MOTM? Declan Rice was superb and seemed to be everywhere, Felipe Anderson was a constant thorn in Everton's side - both in attack and defence where he provided tremendous support for Arthur Masuaku in keeping Walcott quiet, Diop followed up his MOTM performance against Wolves with a similarly assured display at the heart of our defence, while Arnie created one and scored another - all the while urging his teammates on to keep the pressure on the tired looking Toffees, but with two goals in his first starting competitive game, Andriy Yarmolenko surely gets the MOTM award? 

You'd imagine that it's a pretty happy training ground this week out in Romford! Let's hope we can be as fluid against an impressive Chelsea side who come visiting next Sunday! 

COYI!!!

 

 

Birthday Boy Shakes it Up as Hammers Go In Search Of Kick Start to Season

The team sheets are in and Manuel Pellegrini has opted to change things once again as Andriy Yarmolenko gets a big chance to impress with a starting spot with Rice, Obiang and Noble in the centre. Arthur Masuaku is fit, while Pelle is keeping it tight at right back with Zabaleta starting. Diop and Balbuena will be hoping to build upon the Wolves showing where Diop was excellent.

Anderson and Arnie are up front as Snoddy starts on the bench.

West Ham: Fabianski, Zabaleta, Balbuena, Diop, Masuaku, Obiang, Noble, Rice, Yarmolenko, Arnautovic, Anderson.

Subs: Adrian, Cresswell, Ogbonna, Sanchez, Antonio, Snodgrass, Perez.

 

 

As If Things Aren't Bad Enough.......And Now This!

What's in that ciggie?

It's been a trying start to the Pellegrini era to say the least. After a £100M investment and a decent preseason campaign, West Ham have lost all four Premiership games and look set to break our own embarrassing record of consecutive defeats at the start of a season with a tough trip to our bogey team in Everton! 

When you are down on your fortune there is no shortage of fools to offer 'friendly' advice as to how to improve your lot and luckily for Pellegrini Stan CollyWobbles, football Yoda, has stepped up with some to quality advice - to sell Marko Arnautovic!!!

Arnatovic was our player of the season last year and has offered the few moments of respite so far this season with his two goals. He has run and run despite playing in an underperforming side and has set an example with his work rate and commitment that is surely the basis of West Ham's desired recovery? Many fans would agree with the sentiment that 'if only we had eleven players like Marko'!

But the world of football punditry is no stranger to gratuitous controversy which seems the best explanation for Collywobbles unprovoked attack upon the Hammers star. Referring to Marko as a fancy Dan, he has suggested that "he (Pellegrini) needs to get rid of players like Arnautovic and build a proper spine ­before adding the players around the periphery".  

Perhaps Stan should stick to his other hobbies and leave Pellegrini and his 35 years of managerial success to work out what to do next? Let's hope that we can get a result today - if only to get away from this type of speculative nonsense! 

COYI!!!




 

Toffees Grab Winstone Read

The current speculation regarding the future of West ham's Kiwi defensive sensation Winston 'Wonderful' Reid has understandably angered many Hammers fans who feel that having made the most exciting collection of signings to date in the Premiership that the media should look elsewhere when creating speculative transfer news. Maybe try Spurs, for example, where the North London side have contributed nothing to the transfer circus apart from letting one of their best players go to rivals Man City.


The rumour is that Ronald Koeman wants a West Ham centre back - initially, it was speculated that James Collins might make the move - albeit with no apparent foundation and very much flying against Collins' own recent comments about his future: "I’d love to finish my career here....It’s been a major part of my life – I met my wife here, so my family are from the area, and I’m a very lucky boy to have been at such a good club for so long. And hopefully it can continue"

Read more at https://www.whufc.com/news/articles/2017/july/16-july/collins-i-want-end-my-career-west-ham#fWpgoUpMlSpVrBq2.99

As such, tabloid interest has now switched to focus upon Winston Reid.

Just exactly why Reid would want to leave London for Liverpool, or switch from a club where he has been the lynchpin around which our continued rise has been driven, makes no sense. With Everton having lost their best player while West Ham have patiently assembled a top class squad, it seems that West Ham rather than Everton are the better bet for a top six invasion next season. Hammers fans will be calmed by the clue as to the veracity of the story highlighted by the suggested fee of £9million. Ahaaaaahaaaaa. Dream on Toffees! Reid is contracted to 2021 and has a £20 million buyout clause - both for good reason!

As the Lukaku-less Toffees try to regroup, perhaps their efforts can indeed be encouraged by a Winstone Read - but they are more likely to get a read of Ray Winstone's compelling biography than a slice of our Kiwi maestro.   

Meanwhile, Winston Reid is preparing himself for the season when his sustained efforts of recent years are rewarded with some silverware!

COYI!!!


 

How Bizarre, How Bizarre!

It's a laugh a minute at West Ham right now - with the arrival of a host of top signings, fans are now finding amusement in some of the sad efforts of our Premiership rivals to steal some of our Jewels on the cheap!

First up - The Jewel- is reportedly wanted by Liverpool as a replacement for Philippe Coutinho. While that would make for a good deal for Mr Klopp and Co., it's hard to see why the Hammers would undo all the good work of the transfer window by selling their principal playmaker. In short - No, No, No...go away Liverfools!

Staying in Merseyside, it has also emerged that Everton are looking to sign James Collins as a replacement for the injured Ramires Funes Mori. Happily, in a recent interview Ginge made it clear that at 33 years old he expects to see out his career at West Ham and, as last season demonstrated, he still has plenty to offer when called upon. Moreover, although the Reece's and Declan Rice are all top prospects, they are not quite ready to step up to first team football on a regular basis.

And then the most amusing of them all - Palace want Adrian for a mere £3million!!! NO, apparently that's not a season long loan fee but a full transfer bid. With Darren Randolph departed it would make NO sense to let Adrian go, especially for a comedy fee!

As the Otaro Millionaires Club remarked in their 1995 hit - 'How Bizarre'!

Everton Performances Cause Planning Headache for Bilic

Yesterday's game brought another useful point as West Ham stumble towards Premiership safety. Most fans will probably be happy with the result given our poor form and injury problems. In addition, ending the embarrassing Lukaku goalscoring run against us was pleasing. Barring a bizarre conclusion to the season, West Ham are all but safe and next week's visit to a horribly out of sorts Stoke City should finally end all doubt about Premiership survival.

As such, the club can start looking to next year after a disappointing start to life at the Olympic Stadium. In truth, the Payet saga spurred the fans into a position of solidarity against the bad guy and brought some much needed unity to the club. At this stage the players are playing for their West Ham careers as the Summer will surely see a major clear out.

Against Everton, Arthur Masuaku had his best game yet for the club and looks like he might be a long term fixture at the club providing some much needed competition for Aaron Cresswell. Meanwhile, the return of Adrian will probably prevent him from seeking a new club to get first team football. Even Havard Nordtveit played well but one suspects that his goose is cooked as he has struggled to find first team action. James Collins was again excellent and will surely get the contract extension he is seeking.

Up front, Jonathan Calleri was again very disappointing and is surely set to leave in the coming months, while Andre Ayew has still to justify his transfer fee and salary. The Andy Carroll question goes on and on and although most fans would agree that he is a top striker when fit, he seems unlikely to ever become a reliably available force and is an expensive commodity given that he typically starts less than 50% of games for us.

All in all Slaven Bilic has plenty to ponder over the coming weeks as he plots the second season at the new stadium. The financial situation at the club is very healthy indeed and it looks like we can afford to really splash out this Summer.

COYI!!!

Eight Games Left - Where Will the Vital Points Come From?

No way.....probably

Our season looked over when we exited the Cup in embarrassing circumstances in early January - mid table and marooned, we followed up with three wins and looked home. However, after a series of narrow defeats to relegation rivals we are back in the think of it. Even worse, Andrea Ranocchia's late winner on Saturday was truly significant as it suddenly pulled us to within Hull's grasp. 

Tomorrow night we make the short but arduous trip to the Emirates where we rarely get anything apart from a hiding. If the result goes as expected we will be left with seven games looking for 4-5 points to survive - but where might they come from? 

Saturday's visit of Swansea is crucial - if we win then they would surely find it hard to crawl back above us BUT if we lose then the really pressure will kick in! 

Sunderland away looks promising for at least a draw, and in all fairness the Black Cats look doomed, but Mr Defoe is always lurking and can make the difference at crucial moments... 

Then a series of fixtures against sides that we hate and often underperform against - Everton, Stoke, Spurs and Liverpool...does anyone want to go to Turf Moor on the last day of the season looking for points? 

Right now, it's all about Swansea on Saturday...a win and then a couple of draws and we are safe. It's been a disappointing season after all the hope and expectation. The Davids need to talk less and actually sign (no - not loan with an option!) the type of quality player that we aspire to have at the club and, in all honesty, can now afford.


 

Hammers Sign Talented Attacking Midfielder

In news just in, West Ham have signed Everton academy graduate Nathan Holland on a three year deal. Holland is a left sided attacking midfielder who has impressed for England U17s but is also eligible for Barbados.

Interviewed soon after signing, Holland explained the move "the attacking football that the Academy play is outstanding and hopefully that will fit my style" before adding “I like to be direct. I like to get assists and get at people and just try and dribble and combine with other people. Hopefully I can add more strength to the team.”

At 18 years of age, Holland will hope to build and who knows, could ultimately fill that Payet role on the left flank!



 

Good News for Bilic At Last

The mood is pretty poor down at West Ham right now as Slaven Bilic's West Ham side try to regroup after a series of disastrous and confidence-sapping results. A humiliating 5-1 home thrashing by Arsenal has prompted a training ground review with Superslav rejecting the help of various former Hammers and opting instead to sort out the defence himself!





However, Hammers fans will be heartened by a computer-generated prediction of the end of year placings which suggests that Superslav's efforts may well deliver the goods. Currently just hovering above the relegation zone, the computer has predicted that the mighty Hammers will trundle home in 15th - a disappointing first season at their new stadium but at least not in the dreaded drop zone that would surely a massive clear out at the club.

Meanwhile, the computer ranks the top seven placings as; Winners Man City, followed by in descending order Chelsea, Arsenal, Liverpool. Spurs, Man United and Everton. With Man City next in the cup it seems unlikely that the Hammers can salvage something from the season with an FA cup run, but everything is possible especially as they are at home and have a month to get their leaky defence in order!


Not such  good news emerged for the fans of Hull, Swansea and Burnley who are predicted to slip into the Chumpionship unless the computer has gotten it wrong.


COYI!!!


 

Bilic Looks For Superhero To Strengthen his Comical Attack

Section 8 - possibly the crappest superheroes of all time!

With his attack seriously misfiring, West Ham manager Slaven Bilic has some difficult choices ahead in order to recover the momentum that last season saw his side become the trendiest side in Europe. A disastrous Summer transfer campaign saw the departure of Emmanuel Emenike, Victor Moses and Enner Valencia - the latter going on a season-long loan to Everton.

Valencia was perhaps the most significant loss as he failed to replicate his international form whilst at the Hammers. Since moving to Mersey side he has made only four appearances with no goals scored. In contrast, he continues to bang in the goals for Ecuador and now has an impressive 6 strikes during 2016 and 19 from 34 appearances overall!



Valencia hit the news this week appeared in public wearing a Superman costume during a visit to a hospital! many Hammers fans will find the images ironic as he has hardly been super or heroic during his time at West Ham - managing a very modest 10 goals in 66 appearances.

However, that count is considerably better than his expensive replacements - Simone Zaza, Jonathan Calleri, Ashley Fletcher and Andre Ayew - who haven't managed a single goal between them so far this season! If any Superheroes come to mind it would have to be the lamest Superheroes of all time - Section 8.

This amazingly empowered gang included Sixpack (special power is extreme drunkenness), The Defenestrator (who carries around a window to throw people through it), Jean De Baton-Baton (who defeats foes with his powerful Frenchness), Shakes (who upsets people with his palsy),  Flemgem (who has a bad chest infection and emits gooey crap onto his enemies) and, perhaps the stupidest of all, Dogwelder -who fights crime by welding dogs to people’s faces.

Maybe we could add another Dud Superhero to the Section 8 gang - Andy Carroll as DC Comics short-lived 1989 creation - Arm Fall Off Boy!!!! Yes, this guy fights the baddies with his detached upper limb!

Sounds like our Andy alright!!!
 

Hammers Top of the League....But Who Baked All the Pies?

While the Hammers on-field exploits this season have seen them drift perilously close to the relegation zone, it has emerged that the club are now top of the Premiership table in terms of the cost of the traditional pie on match day!

Hammers Head Honchos, Messers Sullivan and Gold will no doubt be quick to defend the cost of your steak and kidney feast as an important source of much-needed funds to eventually buy a reliable Premiership-standard striker, but our intrepid on-line sleuths at VERYWESTHAM have identified the REAL reason that our match day pies are so expensive.

While there is no guarantee that every pie is lovingly prepared by our popular net minder, Adrian's recent form between the sticks suggests that he may soon have plenty of time to indulge his culinary inclinations as Darren Randolph looks set to usurp Adrian as our first choice keeper. An online poll conducted by the science department at VWH found that two-thirds of fans responding think Randolph should start against Tottenham at the weekend.



The cost of the pies has also likely impacted upon the club's placing in another Premiership League table - the fattest fans ratings. Last conducted in 2010, the Hammers ranked 7th highest in terms of percentage of fans who reported being obese - outweighed by mighty Sunderland, Everton and Man City! No doubt the punitively-high price of pies will have forced Hammers fans to consider foregoing their half-time snack. Interestingly, the table also highlights just how many of the class of 2010 are no longer in the Premiership as nine of those ranked are now departed from the top flight!

For now though, fans can rejoice that our exorbitantly expensive pies ensure that at least in one respect West Ham top the premiership rankings! 



 

A Half of Two Halves!

As the saying goes (sort of) it's been a game of two contrasting periods. The Hammers dominated the first 20 minutes and could well have taken the lead on a couple of occasions but for fine defending from Seamus the Coal Man et al. Dimi Payet band Manny Lanzini both carved out good chances but couldn't quite convert.

However, for the latter part of the half Everton have been in the ascendency with Ross Barkley denied by an amazing Adrian save. However, perhaps the key moment was when Pedro Obiang was hauled down by Gueye but Referee Anthony Taylor bottled it and produced only a yellow card. Gueye had pushed Michail Antonio in the face a few minutes prior to that in a challenge that surely also warranted a yellow card. Hmmmm.

Either way, it's 0-0 at the break, but the  good news is that the Hammers look back to their usual selves again! Promising...

COYI!!!

Payet Prepares to Chew Toffees (again)

Last season there were many results to savour as Slaven Bilic's men  recorded victories over all the 'big' six in the Premiership. However, perhaps the most satisfying was the win at Goodison Park as the Hammers came back from 2-0 down with 12 minutes to play to record a stunning 3-2 victory. Dimitri Payet led the charge one suspects motivated by a desire to avenge Everton for the James McCarthy foul that caused him to miss two crucial months that ultimately was a key factor in SuperSlav's men just missing out on a champion's League place.

That win was West Ham's first in 16 games against Everton, having lost ten of the previous 15 encounters and drawn five. Everton enjoyed an excellent start to life under new manager Ronald Koeman and currently lie in sixth spot. However, the Toffees have lost form over the past few games with only two points from their last four games so the Hammers will fancy their chances of snatching another rare Goodison win.

Key to their chances will be whether their new back three set up can prevent Romelu Lukaku from continuing his incredible form against West Ham whereby he has scored in each of his last eight games against the East Londoners! However, Winston Reid is back to top form and has the perfect skillset to manage Lukaku's pace and power. Meanwhile, West Ham have their own physical powerhouse up front in Michail Antonio who has moved into the centre and will look to torment Seamus the Coalman and the rest of the Everton back line.

Andre Ayew looked lively after coming on as a substitute during Wednesday's win over Chelsea and will look for more game time today. Edmilisen Fernandes is likely to start after his excellent performances of late and what's the bets that he let's fly from distance again today after his midweek scorcher! We expect just one change from the side that overcame Chelsea, with Adrian returning between the sticks. 

last season's Goodison win

One thing that won't happen is for West Ham to fall foul o0f the ex-player curse, as Enner Valencia is only on loan at Goodison. In reality, that would have been an outside bet as the Ecuadorian has continued to struggle since his move and has not managed to score in his 4 appearances for Koeman's side. As ever, he continues to bang them in at international level and you have to wonder if he would be more successful plying his trade in a less physically demanding league - undoubtedly something that will be considered when his season long loan concludes.

Paddy Poormaker has Everton at 4/5, with the Hammers at 7/2 for a win. Mystic Mark Lawrenson reckons it'll be a 1-1 draw and for once we are inclined to agree and go with a draw at 14/5. Don't forget the early kick off!

COYI!!!