Thursday 17 November 2016

Bilic Looks For Superhero To Strengthen his Comical Attack

Section 8 - possibly the crappest superheroes of all time!

With his attack seriously misfiring, West Ham manager Slaven Bilic has some difficult choices ahead in order to recover the momentum that last season saw his side become the trendiest side in Europe. A disastrous Summer transfer campaign saw the departure of Emmanuel Emenike, Victor Moses and Enner Valencia - the latter going on a season-long loan to Everton.

Valencia was perhaps the most significant loss as he failed to replicate his international form whilst at the Hammers. Since moving to Mersey side he has made only four appearances with no goals scored. In contrast, he continues to bang in the goals for Ecuador and now has an impressive 6 strikes during 2016 and 19 from 34 appearances overall!

Valencia hit the news this week appeared in public wearing a Superman costume during a visit to a hospital! many Hammers fans will find the images ironic as he has hardly been super or heroic during his time at West Ham - managing a very modest 10 goals in 66 appearances.

However, that count is considerably better than his expensive replacements - Simone Zaza, Jonathan Calleri, Ashley Fletcher and Andre Ayew - who haven't managed a single goal between them so far this season! If any Superheroes come to mind it would have to be the lamest Superheroes of all time - Section 8.

This amazingly empowered gang included Sixpack (special power is extreme drunkenness), The Defenestrator (who carries around a window to throw people through it), Jean De Baton-Baton (who defeats foes with his powerful Frenchness), Shakes (who upsets people with his palsy),  Flemgem (who has a bad chest infection and emits gooey crap onto his enemies) and, perhaps the stupidest of all, Dogwelder -who fights crime by welding dogs to people’s faces.

Maybe we could add another Dud Superhero to the Section 8 gang - Andy Carroll as DC Comics short-lived 1989 creation - Arm Fall Off Boy!!!! Yes, this guy fights the baddies with his detached upper limb!

Sounds like our Andy alright!!!

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