Even Sherlock Holmes Couldn't Solve The Mystery of This Hammers Transfer Madness

Just when you had written off Jordan Hugill's signing as a moment of last minute Winter window desperation, reports are emerging that the real reason for bringing him in was in case we got relegated!?!

However bonkers that sounds, it is just as plausible as that Moyes might have thought he could make a difference as the poor lad has had just 22 minutes action and during that time has looked as clued in with things as Simone Zaza!

Now it looks that he will be shipping off to Leeds or QPR for a knock down price to make room for another Andy Carroll understudy.

While thete can be no doubting that David Moyes restored stability at the club and steadied a ship that was rocking its way towards relegation, the Hugill saga along with letting Jose Fonte depart when we were short of CB options endure as moments of bizarre decision making!

All of which begs the question - will we return to our circus management antics next year despite the arrival of Pellegrini? Time will tell.

Best of luck to Jordan Hugill whatever direction he takes. It must have been a frustrating and farcical adventure for him as well!

By the way - Zaza may have been a laughing stock at West Ham but has pretty done well since switching to Valencia 18 months ago, notching 19 goals in 53 appearances - better than his big zero for the Hammers!

Unbelievabubble!!!

Typical, just bloody typical! hammers fans will be amazed to hear that Simone Zaza - the guy who couldn't score at West Ham (eleven games and no goals) has won La Liga player of the month for September!

Zaza enjoyed a decent run in the latter half of last season after escaping London for Valencia - netting six goals in 20 appearances, but this season he has been on fire with 7 goals in 8 games, including a recent hat trick against Malaga!

While Hammers fans would never wish anything but the best of fortune to ex-players (with the notable exceptions of Ince and Payet), Zaza's story raises important questions about Messers Sullivan and Gold's transfer 'deals' as Zaza's failure was compounded by contractual issues that prevented him from playing sufficient games to adjust to the unique environment of the Premiership.

Whatever next? Modi Maiga to win African player of the year? Hardly, as the Mali international has endured a torrid time since leaving West Ham and has struggled to settle in the Gulf leagues managing just 9 goals in the past 3 seasons!

Would Zaza have been a success in the Premiership if he had been handled differently by the club?

 

Is There Something Amiss In Our Coaching Set Up?

Well who would have thought it - Jonathan Calleri arrived at West Ham last year hailed as the next Carlos Tevez. Just like Tevez he endured a difficult start adjusting to the Premiership, but unlike the Apache his luck did not improve and he became a forlorn looking figure before exiting for Las Palmas last month. In total he managed just one goal in 18 games for West Ham and amassed a series of terrible howlers, including a highly amusing attempted rabona shot against Stoke City in April when a tap in would have sufficed!

It will therefore come as a bit of a shock to Hammers fans that he scored not once, but twice for Las Palmas in his debut last night! Add this to the fact that the goalless Simone Zaza notched 6 in 18 appearances for Valencia after his West Ham nightmare ended midway through last season, you'd have to wonder whether our attacking coaching set up is getting the best out of these players?

One solution would have been to bring back Teddy Sheringham but he has recently moved to the Indian Super League as manager of Atletico de Kolkata. As we seek a big name striker to address our lack of attacking firepower, maybe we also need to ask some questions about our support network for these players?


BTW if you want to take a look at Calleri's rabona howler check out this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SbKGFt5fQo&t=19s 

The contrasting fortunes of West Ham's 2017 escapees

The 2016/17 season can at best be described as one of consolidation for West Ham as they trundled in 12th in the Premier League having endured a frustrating first season at their new home. Undoubtedly the story of the year was the departure of Mr Payet, who returned to Marseille claiming that the London club lacked true ambition. Meanwhile, their marque signing was supposed to be Italian hitman Simone Zaza, but he was shown the door in January after failing to score in eleven miserable appearances. 

The departures served to galvanise SuperSlav's troops who went on a decent run before running out of steam and succumbing to a series of frustrating injuries. Meanwhile, Mr Payet huffed and puffed but his Marseille side finished precisely where they were when he arrived - in a Champions League missing 5th. He managed 4 goals in 15 games - therefore averaging a similar strike rate to his West Ham career, and despite playing in the relatively easier environs of Ligue 1.

Zaza meanwhile rediscovered his scoring boots and notched a decent 6 strikes in 18 appearances for Valencia who have decided to take up the purchase clause in his loan deal and he will stay at the club for the coming season. As such, while Payet  looks to have hit a plateau, Zaza is back in the ascendency.

Let’s hope that whoever comes as replacements fares better at the Olympic Stadium than these two wannabes did last year!

 

January...A Great Time for Gym Owners, Santa's Elves and Agents of Dodgy Players

As David Gold was quick to point out recently, West Ham were the fourth highest spenders on new players in the January window yet. What he didn't mention though was that from a business perspective with the sale of Dimitri Payet we were the fourth highest beneficiaries in terms of our balance sheet as we made a cool 8 million profit. Add to that the offloading of the Payet and Zaza wage bills and we came out (financially) smiling!

However, we lack proper cover at right back and yet again failed to bring in a decent proven back up striker for Andy Carroll. Already Sam Byram has hit the deck and realistically you would have to accept that Big Andy has not maintained fitness for more than three months in years. With Diafra Sakho similarly injury prone we are down to Ashley Fletcher and Jonathan Calleri. Hmmm.

Were the board wise to keep their cash back until the Summer? Past experience would certainly suggest so. A Fanvoice poll of the worst ever January signings has rated two Hammers in the top five!!! Under the Gianfranco Zola regime Savio Nsereko was a befuddling waste of £10 million who left after six months and 11 disastrous appearances and was voted fifth worst ever January signing! Meanwhile, Andy Carroll's £38 million move from Newcastle to Liverpool, which was followed by a disastrous 18 month goal drought at Anfield, was voted second worst! The 'winner' was Fernando Torres as Liverpool balanced their books by offloading him to Chelsea for £50 million!

Strangely, neither Benni McCarthy nor Mido got a mention! However, with the Hammers pretty much safe from relegation but hopelessly adrift of the top six, and having exited both cup competitions, an objective business head would say to hold back the cash until the much better value of the Summer transfer window is upon us.

Did anybody really believe that Scott Hogan was worth £15 million?


 

Hammers Fans Finally Give Zaza What He Needs

After a wholly unimpressive 5 months at West Ham profligate striker Simone Zaza is still all talk and no action. In an effort to explain away his failure to deliver a single goal during his time in the Premiership, he has put it down to culture (?), environment (?), nutrition and training! nowhere in that is any acknowledgement of what was obvious to fans - who had to endure his poor first touch, mindless runs off the ball and poor finishing - that he lacked the necessary quality to hack it in the top league!

Speaking candidly, he explained "When I got there I found a different method of training: you exercise less, sometimes the sessions last 40 minutes and almost immediately I didn’t feel good. I need to train more, for someone to kick my arse".

Funny how he didn't mention that while he was actually at West Ham as no doubt there would have been a long queue of fans only too happy to oblige!

Interestingly, Zaza has yet to score since his move to Valencia - I suppose that'll be the hot climate and paella to blame!



 

Hammers Resurrect Rotten January

It's 39 years this month since John Lydon brought the greatest ever rock n roll band to a conclusion with the words "Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?"

And so it is with the Hammers and our January transfer business. We bagged £27 million for Payet (a cool £17mill profit in 18 months!) While 'splashing' out a reported £17 million on Fonte and Snoddy.

Add to that offloading highly waged Payet and Zaza, while replacing them with the much more modestly waged Snodgrass and Fonte and the club really have done outstanding financial business!

However, on the pitch we have one occasionally fit striker, a developing righf back and limited cover across the pitch. With 60k capacity and the 17th richest club on the planet, there can be no doubting that the board have done a brilliant job, but it's time to stop yhe poor mouth talk and move forward into the top six.

Anything else would be just another Great Rock And Roll Swindle!

Are West Ham Still Slipping Backwards?

Looking back to November it was abundantly clear that our Summer transfer campaign had failed miserably. With Andy C out again on the sick list, leaving a bunch of hapless strikers who hadn't managed a goal between them and our woes further compounded by a defence that had lost its confidence after trying to compensate for a San Andreas faultline at right back, Hammers faithful took solace in the looming January transfer window and the opportunity to bring in some new recruits.

Then came a couple of (very) scrappy wins and we dragged ourselves out of the relegation zone until Arsenal and both Manchester sides delivered thorough spankings to bring us back to reality. Then Dimitri Payet went loco...

Since then we have circled the wagons and found a couple of decent results, but the cracks remain. At right back Sam Byram has returned and so far looks decent, but he's inexperienced and we have no back up plan apart from the Michail Antonio crazymadness option. Hmmm. Up front we got rid of Zaaaaaaaaza and Calleri may possibly depart (let's face it - his breakthrough goal came by virtue of a fortuitous deflection) leaving just Ashley Fletcher as back up to Andy Sicknote. Again, Fletcher is a prospect but he's still a kid.

Still we look to have captured Robert Snodgrass - a decent signing but hardly up to Payet standards. And then there's Jose Fonte - clearly recruited to allow Angelo Ogbonna to get a much-needed operation. In reality, we have fallen further backwards in the past month and have done nothing to address the screaming deficits at right back and striker positions.

Still there's 5 days still to go before the curtain descends. David Gold tweeted today that you never know what you might get before the fat lady sings.......Take your time you oversized chanteuse, we've got work to do!

More Zaza Nonsense

As West Ham finally see the back of Simone Zaza , there is one clear lesson to be learned from the whole sorry saga - keep to simple contracts if you want top avoid becoming trapped in the farcical situation of paying a player wages but being unable to play them in games.

As Zaza approached the magic 14 appearances it became apparent that his time had run out for fear that further action would trigger the £25million buy out clause. Crazily, the loan contact ultimately meant that he could only play 11 games before Bilic was forced to bench him - a short 'trial' for a player trying to adapt to a new league. Even though in his final three appearances Zaza looked to be finally getting the message, it was too late because of his crazy convoluted contract.

The lesson: keep it simple! However, it has emerged that his new club Valencia also have a complex contract with Zaza's parent club (Juventus) whom they have paid an initial £1.75m loan fee with an obligation to buy him at the end of the season for £15m if he makes over 10 appearances for them and they are not relegated! As they approach the half way mark and with 21 games left to play, Valencia might indeed make the drop as they are currently fourth from bottom of La Liga.

Zaza watched Valencia grab a rare win yesterday against Espanyol which will ease fears of relegation, and so perhaps he has finally found a new home after all? Either way, Hammers fans will wish him well and let's hope his latest contract doesn't perpetuate the nonsense!

Hammers Striker Trapped in a World of Pain

Whatever Happened to Just Playing Footie?

The Simone Zaza farce continues with the Italian striker marooned on West Ham's books until a suitable alternate club can be found. Having almost reached the number of appearances that would trigger a colossal £20 million buyout clause, SuperSlav admitted today that his opportunity at the Hammers has passed. 

It's a sad reflection of how the paper pushers have grown in influence that a striker of definite ability (in fairness - only modest ability from what we have seen) cannot play for the club who pay his wages because of such contractual technicalities! 

As such his only strike whilst at the Hammers will remain a beautifully taken goal in the pre-season friendly for his parent club Juventus - whereby he took a through ball down gently before slotting it away quite delightfully! One wonders how much that strike finally persuaded the Hammers to take him to the London Stadium - albeit on such a complicated and ultimately self-defeating contract. 

Let's hope the lad can get away to pastures new - for the sake of his career as well as morale throughout the rest of the squad. Maybe the contract could be renegotiated as it is of little value to either West Ham or Juventus to have a talent going to waste - if all else fails maybe the pen pushers will recognise that his situation means that Zaza is losing monetary worth at an incredible rate.

Did George Weah Recommend Simone Zaza?

Uncannily similar running off the ball

Deep into the second half of Wednesday night's encounter with Man United there was a moment of fantastic realisation for Hammers fans . With SuperSlav's boys looking for a way back into the game, Italian hit man Simone Zaza was sent on to save the day.

Within moments he managed an amazingly awful effort on goal that actually went out for a throw in! Such was the incredible shitness of the shot that the gathered DergHammers, who had previously been silently harbouring thoughts of a Jim Jones style group suicide, burst into laughter that then progressed to full applause and a round of celebratory bevvies. Comedy at it's football finest!

All of which begs the question - how did we get him? Is Zaza really an Italian international? It isn't only his lack of prowess in front of goal that raises concern, but his general running off the ball and ability to compete is similarly unimpressive.

The last time we witnessed such hilarity was surely the Ali Dia saga. as the story goes, Southampton manager Graeme Souness signed Dia on the strength of a telephone call from somebody purporting to be the then World player of the year George Weah. Dia was spectacularly inept such that he managed to play once for the Saints coming on as a substitute, prancing around cluelessly and then being substituted himself!

However, unlike Zaza, Dia was given his marching order two weeks after his arrival and Southampton definitely did not pay anybody £25 million for his services.

Arsenal next. Hmmmm. We knew this series of fixtures would be tough. Dig in. There will be better timers ahead for sure.

Bilic Looks For Superhero To Strengthen his Comical Attack

Section 8 - possibly the crappest superheroes of all time!

With his attack seriously misfiring, West Ham manager Slaven Bilic has some difficult choices ahead in order to recover the momentum that last season saw his side become the trendiest side in Europe. A disastrous Summer transfer campaign saw the departure of Emmanuel Emenike, Victor Moses and Enner Valencia - the latter going on a season-long loan to Everton.

Valencia was perhaps the most significant loss as he failed to replicate his international form whilst at the Hammers. Since moving to Mersey side he has made only four appearances with no goals scored. In contrast, he continues to bang in the goals for Ecuador and now has an impressive 6 strikes during 2016 and 19 from 34 appearances overall!



Valencia hit the news this week appeared in public wearing a Superman costume during a visit to a hospital! many Hammers fans will find the images ironic as he has hardly been super or heroic during his time at West Ham - managing a very modest 10 goals in 66 appearances.

However, that count is considerably better than his expensive replacements - Simone Zaza, Jonathan Calleri, Ashley Fletcher and Andre Ayew - who haven't managed a single goal between them so far this season! If any Superheroes come to mind it would have to be the lamest Superheroes of all time - Section 8.

This amazingly empowered gang included Sixpack (special power is extreme drunkenness), The Defenestrator (who carries around a window to throw people through it), Jean De Baton-Baton (who defeats foes with his powerful Frenchness), Shakes (who upsets people with his palsy),  Flemgem (who has a bad chest infection and emits gooey crap onto his enemies) and, perhaps the stupidest of all, Dogwelder -who fights crime by welding dogs to people’s faces.

Maybe we could add another Dud Superhero to the Section 8 gang - Andy Carroll as DC Comics short-lived 1989 creation - Arm Fall Off Boy!!!! Yes, this guy fights the baddies with his detached upper limb!

Sounds like our Andy alright!!!
 

Clock Ticking for Zaza...

Slaven Bilic's prematch press conference was a pretty sombre affair this week as he tried to find some positives amongst the chaos that is West Ham right now. Speaking about his striking options, he likened Simone Zaza to Denis Bergkamp! However, having witnessed Zaza's performances to date, including how he has struggled to hold onto the ball in possession, most Hammers fans will struggle with this particular analogy!

Signed on a £4million season long loan from Juventus, Zaza has failed to score so far and Bilic has protested that he needs more time. However, the deal includes a mandatory £20 million buy-out clause that will apply after a specified number of games. The big question is therefore how many games?

Some rumours suggest that this is a mere 14 appearances - in which case Christmas is likely to see the Italian's 'trial' come to a premature end unless he can start producing the goods. His general contribution to our attack is quite modest such that he needs to justify his selection with goals. So far, he has fluffed his lines and with Big Andy likely to be back for the Crystal Palace clash on October 16th. Moreover, Slaven Bilic indicated that Diafra Sakho will be available soon after.

It looks like today is a make it or break it opportunity for Zaza.



 

Phew! But have we become a one man show?

In some respects one could say that a visit from League Two minnows looking to pull off a giant-killing was the last thing that the Hammers needed just now. On the back of four straight defeats and with the defence in chaos, Accrington Stanley must've been fancying their chances.

SuperSlav selected a pretty strong starting XI and wisely, included some big guns on the bench just in case things got messy.  And so it was, as Accrington relished the big stadium atmosphere and gave an excellent account of themselves - well organised defensively and with some decent attacking moves. At half time Slav decided to up the ante and released Payet and Lanzini into the fray.

The Hammers huffed and puffed but couldn't find a breakthrough. Simone Zaza came close on a couple of occasions but is yet to open his account and many fans are getting twitchy. At least the 'Maiga in disguise' taunts haven't started just yet! In fairness, he looks hungry for opportunities and the goals will surely come.

Things looked to be going all wrong yet again when Arthur Masuaku went off leaving the fulled substituted Hammers with only ten men as the game entered injury time. Cue Mr Payet to put an end to the misery with a trademark audacious free kick. Game over.

It's hard to take too much from the game other than that we are short on confidence right now. Still - it's a win and a much needed clean sheet. Bring on Southampton and let the recovery continue.

A final thought for Accrington Stanley - a great club with a great history and an inspiring story of determination to survive that rests in our football consciousness. You should be proud of your performance last night. hopefully some day you will return to the very top flight and grace the Premiership.

COYI!!!

 

Hammer Time for Saggy Baggies

It's back to the grind today for Slaven Bilic's troops who will be looking to bounce back from last week's embarrassing implosion against Watford where they were rampant for the first 30 minutes before squandering a two-goal lead.

Perhaps the biggest question is how Bilic will try to turn things around. There have been calls for wholesale changes to the starting XI as fans look to kick start the stuttering season that sees the previously buoyant Irons lurking on the edge of the bottom three after four games.

Bilic has been applauded for his ability to manage his players expectations and even though Adrian had a howler against Watford, one suspects that SuperSlav will avoid the temptation to over-react and will persist with the usually excellent netminder.

In contrast, the Collins vs Ogbonna conundrum raises a variety of issues. Collins was a major culprit for the first two Watford goals and may well be benched to allow for the return of Angelo Ogbonna who has been strangely overlooked since returning from Euro 2016.

However, Ogbonna engaged in some foolishly ambiguous social media activity after the Watford game that may have annoyed Bilic who demands discipline and loyalty from his players. On balance, it seems likely that Bilic will feel obliged to make at least one change to his leaky back four and with Alvaro Arbeloa (probably) still short of match fitness, Ogbonna seems the obvious choice.

Elsewhere, West Ham will be hoping to emerge with a similar silkiness in attack that graced the first half hour last weekend. Having Lanzini and Payet together again is a big boost creatively, while Michail Antonio is simply on fire and will relish the chance to add to his haul of four goals in as many games this season. Newby Simone Zaza impressed in spurts last weekend and will hopefully have found his Premiership gear for today.

If Bilic wants to shake it up he can bolster the defensive side of the midfield with Havard Nordtveit, while up front Sofiane Feghouli is ready to return and many fans are predicting that he can form a brilliant partnership with Mr Payet.  These options seem more likely to be used from the bench according to how the game sits after an hour or so.

Meanwhile. the Baggies are not in a good place right now with manager Tony Pulis unpopular with many fans. Having amassed four points to date, they haven't won at the Hawthorns for almost six months and will hope that West Ham's visit might provide suitable fodder for a much needed victory. Soloman Rondon will be vying for a starting place with Saido Berahino. The Baggies will be hoping to exploit West Ham's disorganisation out wide with recent arrivals Nasser Chadli and Matt Philips served with trying to open up the Hammers defence.

West Ham will need to be patient as Pulis sides rarely panic in response to crowd tension and even as the home side will be only too happy to absorb some pressure if it creates space for counterattack.

Probable West Ham Starting XI (4-2-3-1): Adrian; Byram, Reid, Ogbonna, Masuaku,  Kouyate, Noble, Antonio, Lanzini, Payet, Zaza.

Positive Feeling Descends Upon Olympic Stadium

Martinez: on fire!

West ham have endured a mixed start to life since making the move to the Olympic Stadium. An early season injury crisis has forced the club to dig deep into their resources to bolster their fragile forward line but, ultimately, the squad now looks very impressive.

As they prepare to receive Watford to the OS today, the good news is that Dimitri Payet is ready to start and can team up again with fit again Manny Lanzini. The mouthwatering prospect of an attacking midfield trio of Payet-Lanzini-Feghouli may have to wait another week as Feghouli played the first half of last night's Prem-2 (err reserves to us old timers!) 2-2 draw with Wolves. A late appearance from the bench may unfold today but if so, probably as a substitute for either Payet or Lanzini.

Meanwhile, up front things are ready to finally light up as Simone Zaza is set to make his debut. The Italian is a livewire and has looked impressive in training since his arrival from Juve. There can be little doubt that Hammers fans have high expectations for Zaza as he was the clear winner in a recent poll exploring who fans believe is our best striker when fit. Zaza seized 53% of the vote with Andy Carroll back in second with 12% and Ashley Fletcher third at 9%.

With Ayew and Carroll making good progress with their injuries, the other good news is that 19 year old hitman Toni Martinez is banging in goals for the Prem-2 side, with 6 already in 5 games this season for Terry Westley's side.

Despite losing 2 of their three opening games this season - defeats away to Chelsea and Man City are not too disappointing and the Hammers have a 100% win record at the OS having won 1-0 against Bournemouth a few weeks back. Today's visitors are Watford who have only managed a point so far and do not look like the side who so impressed last season. Even Mystic Mark (Lawrenson) thinks the Hammers will win (predicts 2-0) which may be a curse!

With the attacking options again available West ham will hope to finally kick start their season. Let's hope Zaza can mark his debut with a goal to lift our spirits.

COYI.

Bilic Gives Vote of Confidence

West ham boss Slaven Bilic has been speaking about new recruit Simone Zaza and his exploits in traing since arriving from Juventus.

Hammers fans who are hoping to get a look at what Zaza can offer were given a boost ahead of next week's Watford game as Bilic voiced his high expectations of Zaza and his excitement at the Italian hitman's 'wildness'!

As such, it is evident who Superslav has voted for in the VERYWESTHAM poll to name our preferred main striker, but who do you think is our main hitman? Why not cast your vote in our poll (top right)?

Is Zaza Really THAT good?

We asked the West Ham public to name their favoured striker from our current batch and they have responded in pretty unexpected ways. While Simone Zaza looks likely to be a useful addition to the squad, it's something of a surprise that the vast majority (54%) of Hammers fans rate him as our single best forward - compare that with Andy Carroll in second place at 12% of respondents. And note, this is presuming that all are fit and available to play!

Zaza's strike rate in higher level football is slightly above a goal every third game (58/156 games), which is decent but not likely to produce the 20 goals a season haul that we covet. Perhaps his recent splendid strike against the Hammers during our preseason finale versus Juve has influenced fans?

Andy Carroll is nowhere near as prolific at 68 goals in 258 appearances (which is just above a goal every fourth game), but his fans can point towards his overall contribution to the team in terms of creating chances for others and also as a huge asset at opposition set plays.

Interestingly, Hammers fans have been taken with Ashley Fletcher who, despite his inexperience with only two Premiership appearances, is ranked third with 10 percent of the vote!

Poor Andre Ayew has obviously frustrated fans as, despite his £20 million transfer fee, trails in in fifth at 6% of the vote - 1% less than the out of favour Diafra Sakho. The Ghanaian International has a strike rate that is almost identical to big Andy at 79 goals in 294 top flight appearances.

Otherwise, Jonathan Calleri has yet to grab hearts after a serious of close misses since his recent arrival and only gets 2% of the vote - half of the 4% that the evergreen Carlton Cole has received despite no longer being registered at the club, apparently!

Finally, we may indeed love Dimitri Payet but only 3% of fans think he alone can produce the goals that we need to push towards the top six places in the Premiership.

Why not have your say by voting on our poll before it closes in 3 days time? 

 

Who Should be our starting striker? Have your say in our new poll

As rumours continue to grow that Wilfried Bony may be switching to West ham before the transfer widow closes, Mr Bilic will hopefully soon be left with the unusual problem of deciding who is our best starting striker!

News that Andre Ayew may be back considerably sooner than was expected, along with arrival of Simone Zaza and the excellent recent contributions of Ashley Fletcher, lend themselves to a difficult choice for the canny Croat.

The options are so varied and exciting that some fans feel we should kick for touch and send for the services of Carlton Cole as a compromise candidate!

Or maybe just leave it to Dimitri Payet to bang in the goals and let the strikers get back to the real task of negotiating even bigger salaries!!!

Let us know what you think in our latest fans poll.



 

Hammers sign the new Gazza

With the arrival of their latest capture, West ham suddenly risk the possibility of having an embarrassment of riches up front. If SuperSlav can tame Sakho, we might hit December with the choice of any from Carroll, Ayew, Calleri, Fletcher, Sakho, and now Simone Zaza!

The Italian international has arrived in a season-long loan, with an option to make the arrangement more permanent if he gels. While our rivals may well snigger as Zaza brings to mind his awful penalty at Euro 2016, Hammers fans will know him for his stunning strike against us for Juve a few weeks back; surely the best goal to be scored at the Olympic stadium so far?

In pictures that serve to confirm his arrival, Mr Sullivan's persuasive negotiating style is laid to bear; who could possibly argue with a man who meets you to discuss terms in his boxer shorts? Where would you look? Even the most brazen soccer superstars would melt into submission and surely agree to anything to get out of there!

Meanwhile, Hammers fans have developed a reputation for top quality tribute songs for their players and the race is on to find a suitable chant for Zaza. Let's hope he scores soon so we can put our suggestions to the test....

And don't forget, Zaza rhymes with Gazza....there's simply got to be an angle there?