Still Waiting for the Great Leap Forwards

So here we are, at the business end of the season and in a relegation battle that could very easily end in tears. On the face of it we look unlikely to go down and the bookies have us at 14-1 against taking a drop. However, does anybody think its impossible that we might lose all three remaining games? If so, you would have to worry that Southampton, who have a much better goal difference, might win one of their remaining games and suddenly we would have the biggest (not best!) stadium in the championship. Everybody knows that you need to win 10 games to be sure to stay up and we currently have managed a mere 8 victories. A stat that says it all really about a season that has been truly disappointing.

As a consequence, today's visit to Leicester really is a massive game for us. Thankfully, the Foxes home form has been patchy and with their season essentially over they may not be 100% focused on today's clash. Rumour has it that they are struggling with injuries and may field a weakened side. All good then, but what about us? Many fans have started getting itchy with one penning an open letter to David Moyes pleading for an attacking strategy today. The colder eye would feel this is unlikely to be Mr Moyes' approach as Leicester are a side that is set up to counter attack. Lest we forget, Vardy and Mahrez are still at the club, so perhaps a patient approach seems more prudent.

All of which raises the question - can we defend well enough to rely on keeping it tight? sadly not - we are officially the leakiest defence in the league (a whopping 67 goals so far!), so perhaps we should go for an open game? Whatever else, we definitely need to be aggressive and drive the intensity of the game to test Leicester's desire. On a negative note, you'd have to say that this is the type of game that we have been losing all season, but we are due a bit of good fortune against the Foxes after their dodgy late penalty courtesy of referee Moss scuppered our top six aspirations this time two seasons ago. Back then we mistakenly thought we were about to make the great leap forwards!

With Man U and an in form Allardyce-led Everton waiting, we really need something from this game. My head says you'd be happy with a point but that depends on Swansea and Southampton's results. A bad day at the office could see us in massive trouble this evening and slash those relegation odds.

It's definitely not boring! 


 

Our Chance to Claim Bottom Spot!

It's looking increasingly likely that the Hammers will occupy the dreaded bottom spot come Christmas time. Today's visit of a resurgent Chelsea will provide a major test for Moyes' men as they try to build on the ultimately fruitless moral victory last week against Man City. Meanwhile, Swansea who are the only club below us welcome West Brom to the Liberty stadium. Come 5PM we may lead the slow bicycle race that this season has become!

Moyes has dropped Declan Rice in favour of the returning Winston Reid, while Joe Hart stays on the bench to allow Adrian a chance to claim the netminding role as his. Although Chelsea look back to their best, the Hammers bench is very strong with any of Carroll, Chicharito or Sakho available to act as supersub, if needed!

In midfield, wise old man Mark Noble replaces the injured Cheik Kouyate and will be hoping to reclaim a starting berth in the side. The bookies give us little chance again but it's a home game and a London derby and our confidence is improving. Hmmmm.

The Hammers have won just two of their last 22 Premier League games against Chelsea (D4 L16) but did come out on top in a League cup clash. Fingers crossed but you'd take a point, gladly! 

Bilic Makes His Point, Now Can He Make Three Against Swansea?

West Ham fans have been left befuddled by SuperSlav's team selection fot the crunch relegation six pointer with Swansea as he has dropped Andy Carroll to the bench and has no striker up front as Andre Ayew leads the line!!! 

Perhaps the crafty Croat is making a point to the fans and the board that at such a crucial stage of the season, and despite all the promises and media huffing and puffing, we lack a reliable striker for the first team!!! 

Darren Randolph holds his place as Slav also is forced to stick with the back four that struggled against Arsenal during the week. It remains to be seen if the team can get some rhythm and put real daylight between ourselves and the bottom three or if the disastrous five defeats in a row slide is to continue. 

Starting XI: Randolph; Byram, Fonte, Collins, Masuaku; Kouyaté, Noble, Antonio, Lanzini, Snodgrass; Ayew.

Swansea: Fabianski; Naughton, Fernandez, Mawson, Olsson; Fer, Cork, Carroll, Routledge, Sigurdsson; Ayew.

Hammers Board 'Totally' Pile Pressure upon Under Fire Manager

A number of media commentators have highlighted how when they are under pressure that West Ham seem unable to circle the wagons and keep a tight house. With the Davids and offspring seemingly unable to resist the temptations of tweeting every last thought, Mrs Brady has her column in the Sun.

This week she chose to declare her apparently conditional support for SuperSlav with the following limp endorsement: “I would be lying if I denied there is growing anxiety. We fully support Slaven and expect him to turn things around. But it’s at moments like this we have to understand football, totally, is a results business.”

Errr, OK - he's staying it seems but only if results pick up. Hmmm. Today's game against Swansea is the biggest game we've had in years and is surely a time to demonstrate that we can create a fortress at our new home that intimidates visitors when we really need a result.

Whatever about the musings of the board, who really haven't redistributed our new found wealth into squad strengthening, we need to get behind the team today.

After all the talk, we look to have a reasonably fit squad to select from - our bet is that Bilic will go for an aggressive selection - with Antonio, Carroll, Ayew, Lanzini and Snodgras feeding the attack and Sakho ready to join the effort in the final quarter.

It'll be tense but definitely NOT the boring tail off to the season we expected 6 games ago!

Eight Games Left - Where Will the Vital Points Come From?

No way.....probably

Our season looked over when we exited the Cup in embarrassing circumstances in early January - mid table and marooned, we followed up with three wins and looked home. However, after a series of narrow defeats to relegation rivals we are back in the think of it. Even worse, Andrea Ranocchia's late winner on Saturday was truly significant as it suddenly pulled us to within Hull's grasp. 

Tomorrow night we make the short but arduous trip to the Emirates where we rarely get anything apart from a hiding. If the result goes as expected we will be left with seven games looking for 4-5 points to survive - but where might they come from? 

Saturday's visit of Swansea is crucial - if we win then they would surely find it hard to crawl back above us BUT if we lose then the really pressure will kick in! 

Sunderland away looks promising for at least a draw, and in all fairness the Black Cats look doomed, but Mr Defoe is always lurking and can make the difference at crucial moments... 

Then a series of fixtures against sides that we hate and often underperform against - Everton, Stoke, Spurs and Liverpool...does anyone want to go to Turf Moor on the last day of the season looking for points? 

Right now, it's all about Swansea on Saturday...a win and then a couple of draws and we are safe. It's been a disappointing season after all the hope and expectation. The Davids need to talk less and actually sign (no - not loan with an option!) the type of quality player that we aspire to have at the club and, in all honesty, can now afford.


 

Hammers to Re-Sign Poyet?

SuperSlav starts the revolution!

One of the more disappointing non-successes of recent times was the failure of young Diego Poyet to make the grade at the highest level. Son of Gus, he featured in a video for transformers as the cream of young British footballing talent and looked destined for greatness when West Ham captured him from Charlton in 2013.

However, Diego never quite made the grade - suffering from Big Sam's over-reliance on experienced players and was not favoured by SuperSlav when he took over the reigns. After just ten appearances, half of which were in the Europa League, he departed last Summer.

Since then, he has failed to nail down a decent contract and is on the loose at present with a number of Premiership sides interested, including Swansea and Hull City. Having met the lad a few times he comes across as a real gentleman and wherever he goes next we all wish him the very best. At 21 years of age, he remains an excellent prospect.

As West Ham face into the challenge of erasing Dimitri Payet from our memories, perhaps the return of Poyet would provide much-needed extra cover in midfield and would also be an ideal opportunity to rebrand all those replica shirts!



 

Merry go round gathers pace as 'Batsman' looks set for Hammers Move

West ham have been tracking Belgian striker Michy Batshuayi for over a year and, despite a bid of over 30 million, were inable to attract him to the London Stadium in the Summer.

Batshuayi ultimately opted for Chelsea but his time there has been frustrating as he found himself down the pecking order with only 11 Premiership games and 16 appearances (4 goals) in all competitions as Diego Costa has been in scintillating form.

Now with the news that Fernando Llorente is on his way from Swansea to rekindle his relationship with Antonio Conte, it looks like Batshuayi is set to slip e even further down the pecking order at Chelsea.

A loan until the end of he season appears to be the preferred option for all parties involved and word on the street has it that the wily Hammers have pushed themselves to the head of the queue!

In an interestingly twist, Batshuayi's younger brother -Aaron Lleya Iseka, who replaced Michy at Marseilles - looks set to replace Llorentes at Swansea thus completing an interesting loop of movement.

Either way, with an average 40% strike rate in the top flight, and with a robust 'Drogba-esque' Style, Batshuayi could be a fantastic signing if he gets a clear run of games to find his rhythm.

We will keep you right up to date on this deal as it progresses.

Ok, so it WAS a stroll in the park

We had warned before the game that yesterday's visit to the Liberty Stadium would be no stroll in the park but as it turned out we put in an excellent performance and ran out easy winners at 4-1. In truth, Swansea had the better of proceedings until the Ayew goal but thereafter they looked rattled and we were calm in the way that a team who is coming off the back of a series of good results can be.

Tormentor in chief was the splendid Andy Carroll. How quickly we forget his injury problems when he is back and in dominant form like yesterday. He may have left it until injury time to grab a deserved goal, but all afternoon he ran Swansea ragged as he dominated their centre backs in the air and looks almost back to his best.  

Next up was Winston Reid who was once again assured at the back and even popped up to snatch a goal as he outmuscled the hapless Swansea defence to head in a delicious Payet corner. Behind him, Darren Randolph was equal to pretty much everything Swansea could offer and will be annoyed at the concession of a late goal through some somnolent defending by Oggy and Cressy. 

We reverted to four at the back in a 4-2-3-1 formation that looked much more fluid than we have in a long time. Even with Manuel Lanzini missing and Dimitri Payet somewhat off form, we still looked much more penetrating than the Swans. SuperSlav was happy with both the result and the performance but in many respects this outing leaves even more questions to answer about our best formation and starting XI!

Either way, with 22 points and in eleventh with still a game to play before the half way mark of the season, we can afford to experiment a little in January and February as new recruits arrive. Nordtveit performed decently at right back yesterday but we clearly need a specialist in that position. Antonio's strike again emphasised how much he is wasted when played as a makeshift right back. With Kouyate about to depart for the AFCON, we have limited resources in midfield and, of course, we need a striker or two! The bench yesterday emphasised our lack of squad depth with the kids getting some valuable matchday experience.

COYI!!!

 

It wont be a stroll in the park...

West Ham's improved run of results could be seen as a cause for optimism as they have hauled themselves up to 13th and sit a healthy five points above the drop zone going into today's game. However, more astute observers will have noted the considerable fortune in the two recent wins against the luckless Hull and Burnley and recognise today's game as a genuine six pointer.

The January transfer window may provide an opportunity to bring in some fresh energy but, in reality, there are few success stories that follow from January acquisitions and for every Demba Ba there are a host of Emineke's, Petric's, and, king of them all - Benni McCarthy! January is when clubs offload their failed projects as Simone Zaza will discover.

Moreover, we are not only lacking a reliable source of goals, but have a defence that is unbalanced and desperately leaky. as the Arsenal humiliation demonstrated, we are an atrocity waiting to happen as teams have rumbled how to stop our Payet solo brilliance / Payet to Antonio plan A and B and are pushing up to add to the pressure on our beleaguered defence.

With Cheik Kouyate about to disappear for the AFCON and Diafra Sakho out with 'that' back problem again, we are looking low on resources. Today's bench emphasises how thin we are with more than half the bench comprising youth/development squaddies. The in-form Pedro Obiang is suspended for today which will give Havard Nordtveit another chance to redeem himself after the Spurs howler.

As such, we are gonna need every point we can get our hands on and today's game against a Swansea side that is prolific but equally porous in defence. A big game for Andre Ayew as he returns to his former club. As yet, without a goal, he has started to look sharper and today would be an ideal moment to (finally) announce his arrival.

It looks likely that there will be goals aplenty but either side could come out on top. The Hammers are 2-1, whilst Swansea are 7/5, with the draw at 5/2.

West Ham Starting XI: Randolph, Antonio, Kouyate, Reid, Ogbonna, Cresswell, Noble, Nordtveit, Ayew, Payet, Carroll.

Subs: Adrian, Feghouli, Rice, Pike, Fletcher, Fernandes, Quina

COYI!!!




 

Where To Now for Misfiring Hammers?

After a week that brought seven precious Premiership points including two clean sheets and a rare away result at Anfield, it seems strange that Hammers fans are feeling so negative about their side. However, the overwhelming vote for the post as MOTM after yesterday's almost criminal victory over a dominant Hull City highlights the level of concern amongst fans that the team are playing relegation football and have lost their way tactically.

After stumbling home against Burnley in midweek courtesy of a soft penalty, Hammers fans hoped that their heroes would turn on some style having finally ended a run of defeats. However, the performance against Hull was possibly our worst of the season as we could easily have conceded 4 or 5 goals against the Premiership's least potent attack!

Apart from the three shots that hit the post, Hull created a host of decent opportunities and will feel devastated not to have taken all three points. Chief amongst our woes is the inability to maintain possession once we get past the half way line. Opposition sides have rumbled the 'Payet plan' and are simply crowding the talismanic midfielder out of the game.

Meanwhile, Andy Carroll may be winning lots of headers but as a lone striker there is nobody close enough to benefit. as a consequence, we are sending long balls up to the big man who is essentially controlling the ball for opposition defences. Pointless stuff that makes you wonder if we need to revert to a traditional 4-4-2 formation? Sakho and Carroll up top will make any opposition defence stay deep and take some pressure off our beleaguered midfield and defence. Moreover, it will make space for Mr Payet, which can only be good for us!

The three CBs formation was adopted back in early November in an effort to stem the flow of goals conceded by a disorganised defence that had lost it's confidence. Chief amongst this was the absence of Cresswell and Bilic's insistence upon playing Antonio as a right wing back. Although initial results (against the offensive might of Middlesboro!) suggested that we had tightened things up, yesterday's performance, along with the recent drubbings by Arsenal and Man United have emphasised how we are really no better defensively with this formation.

With Kouyate sitting deep we lack the mobility in midfield and also his capacity to join the attack at crucial moments. Moreover, Kouyate's positioning in the deeper role allows teams to play the ball quickly through the centre with relative ease and has resulted in our repeatedly getting caught on the counter. Given our lack of penetration as a pressing side when in possession, this is proving a major weakness for opposing sides to capitalise upon.

Now that we have a few points on the board we can get back to trying to find our best formation. The (presumed) arrivals in January will provide new personnel to fit into our system and a face-saving excuse for Bilic et al to abandon our present tactics. Swansea will be an interesting test but the early substitutions yesterday bringing on Fernandes and Ayew emphasised that the current problems are about a lot more than players and that our set up is all wrong.

COYI!!!


 

Good News for Bilic At Last

The mood is pretty poor down at West Ham right now as Slaven Bilic's West Ham side try to regroup after a series of disastrous and confidence-sapping results. A humiliating 5-1 home thrashing by Arsenal has prompted a training ground review with Superslav rejecting the help of various former Hammers and opting instead to sort out the defence himself!





However, Hammers fans will be heartened by a computer-generated prediction of the end of year placings which suggests that Superslav's efforts may well deliver the goods. Currently just hovering above the relegation zone, the computer has predicted that the mighty Hammers will trundle home in 15th - a disappointing first season at their new stadium but at least not in the dreaded drop zone that would surely a massive clear out at the club.

Meanwhile, the computer ranks the top seven placings as; Winners Man City, followed by in descending order Chelsea, Arsenal, Liverpool. Spurs, Man United and Everton. With Man City next in the cup it seems unlikely that the Hammers can salvage something from the season with an FA cup run, but everything is possible especially as they are at home and have a month to get their leaky defence in order!


Not such  good news emerged for the fans of Hull, Swansea and Burnley who are predicted to slip into the Chumpionship unless the computer has gotten it wrong.


COYI!!!


 

There's only one Enner Valencia...

Valencia's finest moment in Claret n Blue

Indeed, there is but only one Enner Valencia - but somebody needs to tell Swansea FC who were 'chasing' the Ecuadorian striker and announced on their official website that he had arrived as a new signing even though he had actually ultimately ended up at Everton!

Many Hammers fans will suggest that Swansea might be better off blushing now at a minor faux-pas rather than enduring a hapless season of Valencia NOT scoring - something he has excelled at during his time at West Ham. In fact, so NOT prolific was Valencia that he didn't even make the suggestion list for main striker in the on going Fans poll - if you haven't voted why not let us know your thoughts by clicking on your choice (above right).

Hammers fans might well also surmise that there are indeed two different Enners - the one who has amassed an impressive 16 goals in his 29 international performances (more than a goal every other game), and the one who has struggled with a mere 8 goals in 60 appearances at West ham (a goal ever 7.5 games).

Has he been played out of position? Those who actually watch Ecuador's international matches will say not and point to his lack of innate physicality as a major disadvantage in the rough and tumble of the Premiership.

Either way, it'll be good to not have to endure watching him repeatedly lose possession during our games!

West Ham down to the bare Bon-y

Having huffed and puffed their way around Europe all Summer in search of a 20-goal a season striker, west Ham ultimately settled for Swansea's finest in Andre Ayew. Having shelled out £20million, Ayew managed just half an hour of Premiership action before limping off for an estimated four months on the sidelines.

Cue Andy Sicknote to lead the line and finally deliver upon his potential. No, sadly not! Already it seems Andy's injury riddled frame has caved in under the pressure and West Ham are down to Premiership newbie Jonathan Calleri and young Ashley Fletcher. And then there's the Sakho situation.

Not surprisingly, the Hammers are rumoured to be hot on the trail of Man City reject Wilfried Bony. The Ivorian is now 27 years old and prior to joining the Man City financial bonanza / career-ending reserve ranks (depending on how you look at it), Bony enjoyed a fine strike rate across Europe with Sparta Prague, Vitesse Arnhem and Swansea scoring a very respectable 94 goals in 178 appearances, at a rate of 0.53 goals per game.

The Man City style of pressing football clearly did not suit Bony where lack of regular football resulted in the disappointing haul of  just 10 goals in 46 appearances. Under Bilic, the counterattacking style would surely suit him better. With China beckoning, a loan stint until Christmas where the Hammers cover his £100k per week wages would suit all parties?

Bring it on!

Payet Responds to Criticism

It's pretty difficult to find fault with Hammer of the season Dimitri Payet. His footballing skillset is simply jaw dropping and surely unmatched in the Premiership. However, it is his effectiveness that really catches the eye. With nine goals and ten assists he is the principal reason the West Ham are on the verge of qualifying for European football.

Payet's precision from set pieces keeps the opposition constantly under pressure not to concede free kicks or corners, in turn creating space for his attacking colleagues with only the most foolhardy defenders daring to lunge into the challenge once we are in shooting range. Perhaps his contribution in defence is less visually impressive, but his ruthlessness on the break seriously discourages opponents from pushing too far forward and makes for an easier ride when we are defending a lead.

However, just recently Payet has been criticised for trying too hard with some of his efforts described as Hollywood in their flamboyance. In the lead up to the European Championships, perhaps Payet is trying to grab the attentions of Didier Deschamps? As such, it was reassuring to see him get back to basics yesterday where he played a key role in two of our goals by letting the ball go early.

Poor West Brom need the season to end so that they can rebuild. Despite a bright start whereby Adrian had to be at his best to prevent the Hammers falling behind, once Kouyate scored there seemed to be only one likely outcome as a ruthless Hammers inflicted an embarrassing defeat on the home side.

Next up Swansea at home. In truth, Arsenal's win yesterday probably ended our Champion's League hopes. Barring a collapse by Manchester City West ham fans will be left rueing those four consecutive draws where crazy refereeing robbed us of 8 crucial points. Europa League qualification looks very likely with any finish above eighth but with all sorts of records still at stake (highest Premiership finish, best ever Premiership goal difference, longest home run unbeaten in the league etc) Slaven Bilic will be trying to maintain the hunger. The prospect of Man United in a fifth place decider to finish the season also provides ample encouragement to keep our focus - especially after the recent cup exit.

All of which is undoubtedly bad news for Swansea who come visiting Fortress Boleyn next week!

 

It's Tevez Time as Hammers Push for Champions League Glory!!!

Nothing Can Stop us, probably...

With four games remaining Hammers fans are cursing a series of poor refereeing decisions that have sabotaged their charge for Champions league qualification.

>Robbed against Chelsea by a last minute incorrect penalty award!

>Robbed against Palace by a harsh red card that was subsequently rescinded!!

>Robbed against Arsenal by a series of poor offside calls!!!

>Robbed against Leicester by an incorrect penalty award in the last seconds!!!!

But we can still do it, and here's how;

1. We need to win all of our remaining games to accrue 68 points.

2. That will automatically place us above Man United as we will have to beat them in the final game at Upton Park.

3. We then require EITHER Man City or Arsenal to mess up in their final three games.

4. Given that both the Gooners and Man City have vastly superior goal differences to us, they would need to get no more than 3 points in their remaining games.

5. Arsenal have Norwich at home up next. The Canaries are 10/1 BUT are fighting for their lives - a scenario that often unsettles the volatile Gooners. Their final game is against 'nothing to lose' Villa....in between they face Man City.

6. Man City look less likely to stumble as they are on a swashbuckling run with Aguero at his best again. Away to Southampton will be tough and then after Arsenal they are away to Swansea where it's hard to see anything but a thrashing!

The margins are tight BUT remember 2007 with ten games to go we were written off. Time to recapture that Tevez spirit!!!

Are you listening, Dimitri?

Time for Jelavic to Shine

Despite being the busiest club on the final day of the transfer window, and in the process amassing possibly our strongest ever squad, West ham find themselves short up top with Sakho, Moses, Payet, Lanzini and Carroll all on the treatment table at present.

All of which presents a rare opportunity for Nikica Jelavic to start today as the Hammers head to Swansea looking to break a six game sequence without a win. However, Jelavic has yet to find the net for his current club after eight appearances as a substitute.

At one level, Jelavic's arrival made good sense - revisiting his very useful partnership with Slaven Bilic, where Jelavic was a formidable forward for the Croatian national side. However, Bilic's tactics at West ham have thrived upon solid defense with pacey counterattacking - a system that Jelavic is not innately suited to.

A physical presence who is strong in the air, Jelavic is relatively lacking in pace and not by any means a poacher. His most prolific period was during a two year stint at Rangers where he averaged a goal every 1.5 games, provoking a battle between West Ham and Everton for his services which the Toffees won. However, his subsequent record in English football is much less impressive with 29 goals in 113 games - i.e. one in four.

With Zarate and Antonio providing the principal support up front today, West ham need to get their full backs further forward if they are to provide Jelavic with the type of service that he is likely to thrive on. With that in mind, the failing form of Carl Jenkinson is disappointing as the Tomkins 'experiment' is destined to end in failure - both in terms of his lack of attacking prowess down the wings as well as his (relative) lack of pace in defence. Tomkins is an excellent centre back and should play there.

With West Ham so blunt up front, we can expect Swansea to push forward in search of a rare goal as a single strike could well settle this one.With just 15 goals so far this season, the Swans are the third least prolific side in the league - thus matching their third from bottom status. Meanwhile, there is no getting away from the fact that our form of late is relegation standard.

The draw at 23/10 looks attractive!

 

Irons Irony Ends in Ironing!

One possible solution to the injury issue

After much reflection about the latest Hammers injury pandemic, the crew at VERYWESTHAM were just getting ready to do a piece on the sheer irony that our attacking line had become dependent upon the one and only Andy Sicknote,  when lo and behold the inevitable came to pass!

This time its not knee ligaments or ankle damage or shinsplints or Rocky Mountain Yellow Spotted Fever (yes, such a condition does exist!), but a simple groin strain. The prognosis: one week and review. Hmmm. Anyone heard that about Andy before?

In truth, Michail Antonio's performance last week gave cause for offensive optimism. Enner Valencia is also back in the mix, and may yet deliver upon his undoubted potential. Victor Moses is apparently also fit but the real shocker is that Carlton Cole doesn't play for us any more, and that's a fact!

Another must have accessory for the West Ham merchandise collection.

With the injuries continuing to pile up despite the training transfer to Rush Green, it's back to the Ironing board. Maybe it's our training methods or the gear we use?

Or just darned pesky bad luck! On the plus side, tomorrow's opponents Swansea are in disarray and will hopefully lack the discipline to take advantage of our currently toothless-again squad.

Another low scoring draw looks likely. 

Andy Floats like a butterfly...

...and stings like a bee!

Watching big Andy Carroll's stunning goal against Swansea yesterday brought to mind the classic Muhammed Ali mantra as the big man danced his way gracefully across the box before sending out a stinger of a shot into the top corner. MAGIC!!! An immediate favourite for Hammers goal of the season.

It starts with Andy taking a routine header down...

Then dancing across the Swansea box, jinking away from three defenders

He steadies himself and then 

decides to let fly

OMG....It's a stunner.

All Fabianski can do is fling himself hopelessly across the goal!

Yabbadabbadoooo!

Have you anything to add to your comments of late about the Carroll/Bony choice?

Noisy noisy Mr Sullivan

Champion - Perhaps you should keep it that way!

Check it out at

http://youtu.be/lA5dJb0i7Og

Swansea to struggle without Daddy Cool

In all the talk about how wonderful West ham's season has been so far, with Swansea manager Gary Monk even suggesting that Big Sam is the frontrunner for manager of the season, it's worth noting that a mere three points separate the sides as they prepare for today's clash.

Interesting...

Just a few weeks back a rampant Hammers brushed the Swans aside at Upton Park as Andy Carroll had one of his 'unmarkable' days. However, West ham have stuttered since then and will be lacking key players in Sakho and Kouyate today.

However, the loss of their top player in Wilfred Bony is surely a bigger blow for Swansea. The scoring sensation has the ability to change how games are played due to his pace and huge physical presence. Without Bony, this Swansea side could be like seventies pop sensation Boney M were without Daddy Cool himself Bobby Farrell.

Errr...Andy Carroll's uncle?

Farrell sadly passed away in 2010 under truly unusual circumstances when he was found dead in his hotel room in St Petersburg - on exactly the same date (30th December) and in the same city as Grigori Rasputin had almost a century earlier in 1916. The weirdness is enhanced by the fact that the Russian 'healer' was the subject of Boney M's worldwide hit by his name!

Sadly for Boney M and Farrell, financial and contractual issues had caused their high flying team to be dismantled and Farrell had been forced to perform only in countries where his former manager had not registered the Boney M name.

With the imminent departure of Wilfred Bony to Man City, it looks like this high flying Swansea side will also be dismantled by financial and contractual needs. Today will tell a lot about how well the Swans can manage without their talisman.

For West Ham, Andy Carroll is fit and ready to rock!

We predict a 3-2 stonker,  with the Hammers coming out on top as Enner Valencia makes a point to the possibly absent through flu Sam Allardyce.

Bobby Farrell RIP Daddy Cool!

Hammers star Victim of Knife Attack Ahead of Swansea Trip

No shit, Sherlock!

In scenes reminiscent of the awful knife attack a few years back on Hammers star Calum Davenport, the sinister goings on at 'Carroll-Castle' took a macabre turn today as it emerged that West Ham's star striker Andy Carroll barely survived an altercation with a knife!

In an effort to make light of the sordid affair, Carroll posted a pic of the injury on Instagram with a jovial caption, but ex-Hammer and crack detective Mattie 'Sherlock' Holmes revealed that private investigators are following a number of definite lines of inquiry regarding the incident...

One theory is that the relationship between Carroll and Billi Mucklow has spiralled out of control to include the ancient khoikhoi rite of digit removal as a symbol of their eternal commitment! After recent revelations about the interior decor of their abode, many fans feel that anything is possible from the aesthetically-challenged couple

An alternate possibility is that Andy has decided to follow the example of an Aussie serial killer, Ivan Milat, who posted his amputated finger to the high court as a protest against prison conditions. Ahead of the Swansea game, it is thought that Andy may be highlighting the cruel injustice that was the Cheating Chico Flores sending off affair in last season's clash.

New images of the Kennedy assassination...

Another possibility is that Andy is trying to set an example to young Jack Sullivan as to how he can truly apologise for his foolish and insulting comments on twitty during the midweek FA cup tie versus Everton, wherein the young cad suggested that Andy was on the skive feigning injury to celebrate his birthday! According to the Japanese ritual of 'Yubitsume' or finger shortening, proof of sincere apology requires removal of part of one's digit.

Finally, detective Holmes has suggested that the increasing West African presence in the Premiership may be bringing some added cultural dimensions, noting that men who die without producing offspring have their fingers severed and placed as an anal suppository to  shame the corpse into reincarnating as a hyper fertile female...Andy's modest ten goals in two years for West Ham is thought to be slightly higher than that which might justify such ritualistic behaviour.

Poiret: another of the growing Belgian contingent in the Premiership

Meanwhile, current Hammers star Diego Poiret has suggested that in an effort to prevent Andy wreaking his usual havoc against a vulnerable Swansea defence, Gary Monk may have hired knife sharpeners to sneak into Andy's kitchen and hypersharpen the utensils in an effort to cause an injury that might cause him to miss the match.

At VERYWESTHAM we think he's been watching a few stagnight-themed movies ahead of his marriage to Billi.

Teddy!?! Is Sheringham in on it as well?

COYI!!!