Flectcher's 'Bad Feet' Catch Up With Him Again

Fletch - plagued by vocational misfortune

Norman Stanley Fletcher famously revealed when confronted by the Slade prison medics about his inability to find gainful employment "with these bad feet who'd have me".

And recently released performance stats from the WhoScored system suggest that 'bad feet' are a Fletcher familial affliction as current Hammers' striker Ashley Flethcher has been ranked our poorest performer so far this season!

Having picked up a lowly average score of 6.12 in his 12 appearances this season he finds himself at the bottom of our squad rankings - although treachery and betrayal are not included in the ratings which accounts for Dimitri Payet's splendid 7.8 average score!

The last time we used this gag about the central character in Porridge, it was in terms of West Ham's bid to sign Darren Fletcher who in Jan 2015 had become surplus to requirements at Manchester United. At that point, Fletcher had amassed a mere 34 games in his previous four seasons at Manchester United.

Interestingly, we are occasionally wrong at VERYWESTHAM. In the intervening period Fletcher, having made the move to West Brom, has become club captain and has been almost ever-present for the baggies delivering a whopping 75 appearances.

However, one wonders if Darren would have enjoyed such good fortune with injuries if he had moved to West Ham where for whatever reason we seem to be afflicted by a recurring  injury-plague.

With that in mind and now in the final days of the transfer window, it's time to move on from the Payet farce and focus upon the fact that WE NEED REINFORCEMENTS UP FRONT!!!


 

Sak-Blow: Hammy Injury for Hammers Hero

David Gold has revealed that Diafra Sakho's problem is a hamstring injury and the prognosis will not be clear until a scan tomorrow. Sakho's principal injury problem over the past six months has been to his back but has also previously struggled with thigh and groin injuries.

After his excellent performance today - where he scored one and had another headed effort just glide over the bar, Sakho deserves a bit of luck. Let's hope his injury is just a grade 1 in severity as West ham really need his abrasive and direct style.

Andy Carroll continues to edge his way back and may be available for the bench on Wednesday night but Ashley Fletcher looks set to lead the line against his former club. It seems that Simone Zaza is now truly out of the frame as he is close to a mandatory buy out if he reached 14 appearances.


 

Bilic Looks For Superhero To Strengthen his Comical Attack

Section 8 - possibly the crappest superheroes of all time!

With his attack seriously misfiring, West Ham manager Slaven Bilic has some difficult choices ahead in order to recover the momentum that last season saw his side become the trendiest side in Europe. A disastrous Summer transfer campaign saw the departure of Emmanuel Emenike, Victor Moses and Enner Valencia - the latter going on a season-long loan to Everton.

Valencia was perhaps the most significant loss as he failed to replicate his international form whilst at the Hammers. Since moving to Mersey side he has made only four appearances with no goals scored. In contrast, he continues to bang in the goals for Ecuador and now has an impressive 6 strikes during 2016 and 19 from 34 appearances overall!



Valencia hit the news this week appeared in public wearing a Superman costume during a visit to a hospital! many Hammers fans will find the images ironic as he has hardly been super or heroic during his time at West Ham - managing a very modest 10 goals in 66 appearances.

However, that count is considerably better than his expensive replacements - Simone Zaza, Jonathan Calleri, Ashley Fletcher and Andre Ayew - who haven't managed a single goal between them so far this season! If any Superheroes come to mind it would have to be the lamest Superheroes of all time - Section 8.

This amazingly empowered gang included Sixpack (special power is extreme drunkenness), The Defenestrator (who carries around a window to throw people through it), Jean De Baton-Baton (who defeats foes with his powerful Frenchness), Shakes (who upsets people with his palsy),  Flemgem (who has a bad chest infection and emits gooey crap onto his enemies) and, perhaps the stupidest of all, Dogwelder -who fights crime by welding dogs to people’s faces.

Maybe we could add another Dud Superhero to the Section 8 gang - Andy Carroll as DC Comics short-lived 1989 creation - Arm Fall Off Boy!!!! Yes, this guy fights the baddies with his detached upper limb!

Sounds like our Andy alright!!!
 

Is Zaza Really THAT good?

We asked the West Ham public to name their favoured striker from our current batch and they have responded in pretty unexpected ways. While Simone Zaza looks likely to be a useful addition to the squad, it's something of a surprise that the vast majority (54%) of Hammers fans rate him as our single best forward - compare that with Andy Carroll in second place at 12% of respondents. And note, this is presuming that all are fit and available to play!

Zaza's strike rate in higher level football is slightly above a goal every third game (58/156 games), which is decent but not likely to produce the 20 goals a season haul that we covet. Perhaps his recent splendid strike against the Hammers during our preseason finale versus Juve has influenced fans?

Andy Carroll is nowhere near as prolific at 68 goals in 258 appearances (which is just above a goal every fourth game), but his fans can point towards his overall contribution to the team in terms of creating chances for others and also as a huge asset at opposition set plays.

Interestingly, Hammers fans have been taken with Ashley Fletcher who, despite his inexperience with only two Premiership appearances, is ranked third with 10 percent of the vote!

Poor Andre Ayew has obviously frustrated fans as, despite his £20 million transfer fee, trails in in fifth at 6% of the vote - 1% less than the out of favour Diafra Sakho. The Ghanaian International has a strike rate that is almost identical to big Andy at 79 goals in 294 top flight appearances.

Otherwise, Jonathan Calleri has yet to grab hearts after a serious of close misses since his recent arrival and only gets 2% of the vote - half of the 4% that the evergreen Carlton Cole has received despite no longer being registered at the club, apparently!

Finally, we may indeed love Dimitri Payet but only 3% of fans think he alone can produce the goals that we need to push towards the top six places in the Premiership.

Why not have your say by voting on our poll before it closes in 3 days time? 

 

Who Should be our starting striker? Have your say in our new poll

As rumours continue to grow that Wilfried Bony may be switching to West ham before the transfer widow closes, Mr Bilic will hopefully soon be left with the unusual problem of deciding who is our best starting striker!

News that Andre Ayew may be back considerably sooner than was expected, along with arrival of Simone Zaza and the excellent recent contributions of Ashley Fletcher, lend themselves to a difficult choice for the canny Croat.

The options are so varied and exciting that some fans feel we should kick for touch and send for the services of Carlton Cole as a compromise candidate!

Or maybe just leave it to Dimitri Payet to bang in the goals and let the strikers get back to the real task of negotiating even bigger salaries!!!

Let us know what you think in our latest fans poll.



 

Defensive Madness Continues as Hammers Name Cagey Starting XI

The starting XI has been named for todays's visit to the Etihad. while many attentions will be on the selection of 20 year old Ashley Fletcher who starts up front, the side looks very defensive with three centre backs and Michail Antonio apparently returning to the right-sided defensive berth instead of Sam Byram who drops to the bench.

Playing three centre backs suggests that SuperSlav plans to keep it miserly and tight but, in truth, with limited attacking options to support young Fletcher, he will need to play a blinder to make an impact. Hammers fans will be hoping that Gokhan Tore and Enner Valencia can suddenly hit unexpected top form, otherwise it looks like a backs to the wall effort. Possession stats are likely to tell a story of City domination which, given their offensive options, makes a clean sheet a big ask for Adrian who is celebrating his recent call up to the Spanish national squad.

Worryingly, Dimi Payet is still not ready - even for the bench! The return of Manny Lanzini (starting as a sub) is somewhat positive but it's really hard to see West ham getting something from this and the bookies have quoted them at 5-1 for the draw and 11-1 to win. SuperSlav has proven the sceptics wrong many times before, but with a lightweight bench it's hard to see how we will respond if we go behind. The sensible money is being held back for another day.

Team: West Ham United: Adrian, Antonio, Collins, Reid, Ogbonna, Masuaku, Noble, Kouyate, Töre, Fletcher, Valencia.  Subs: Randolph, Byram, Burke, Oxford, Obiang, Lanzini, Calleri

 COYI!!!

 

Oops! Hammers hit an Astra Googly!

Are we Scunthorpe in disguise?

It was really only when we reached injury time last night that it really hit home that West Ham had been done over by last night's visiting Romanian minnows Astra Giurgiu. Having started in sluggish mood, the Hammers were caught on the counter just before half time allowing 35 year old ex-Baggie Filipe Teixeira to slot the ball home to give Astra the lead.

The Hammers upped the intensity for the second half but Astra keeper Silviu Lung was in fine form and pulled off a series of excellent saves in what was to end in an embarrassing defeat for the Olympic Stadium tenants.

In truth, many fans will be quietly pleased that West Ham now avoid a season of tiring midweek fixtures as recent injuries have highlighted the limitations of the squad depth. Moreover, any match where SuperSlav rests Captain Claret is clearly not of the highest priority. No doubt Dimitri Payet will also be available at the weekend and how west Ham missed his invention last night.

West Ham again seemed to lack purpose or a coherent game plan and are still playing like a team of individuals, but there were some positives. Ashley Fletcher looked very lively indeed during his 35 minutes of action and was desperately unlucky not to be awarded a penalty in the 70th minute before being denied the equaliser three minutes later as he sneaked into the six yard box to deflect an Ogbonna strike towards the net before Lung pulled off an amazing reflex save. Soon after, Fletcher earned a Payet-perfect free kick which Enner Valencia send goal bound only to be denied by the invincible Lung.

Thereafter, the frustration set in and it was a merciful release when the referee ended proceedings and West Ham avoided extra time!

SuperSlav was clearly annoyed at the result but one suspects that was partly for the cameras. Your-Ropey League is a dull and tepid excuse for European football and few Premiership sides have really benefitted from participation in the past (remember Fulham!). It's onwards and upwards with Man City at the weekend. Well done Astra - a much better showing than your 5-0 defeat last weekend in the Romanian League!!! having dumped us out of the Europa League for two season's running you are now well and truly West Ham's bogey team.

P.S. No disrespect intended to Scunthorpe United.