The football world was in shock today after news that a West Ham
midfield legend had been victim to a shooting incident during a daylight
robbery in East London. Despite a strong police presence, there was simply
nothing anybody could do as events seemed to spiral out of control and ended
tragically.
Mark Noble has occupied the position of most consistent
penalty taker in Premiership history until he stepped up in his own back yard to
slot away a spot kick. There was no sense that anything was amiss as he duly
sent the hapless Hugo Lloris the wrong way but, in a bizarre turn of events,
the ball was captured by some mysterious centrifugal force and pulled wide of
the post.
Recent incidents involving laser pointers and the like have
alerted police to the possibility that similar technology, incorporating magnets
or such like, may have been employed by the criminals. The match ball has been
removed for forensic tests and Police are appealing to any members of the
public who may have witnessed the incident to call their incident hotline at
0208-ROBBERY.
The FA have also launched an investigation into another incident during the game wherein it seems that Tottenham may have fielded an ineligible player who took their second half free kick after the dismissal of James Collins for deliberate ginger-hairedness - an offence that warrants a mandatory RED card. The player, employed the Roberto Carlos-style long run up before thumping the ball Jonny Wilkinson-like over the wall into the hands of the ever-vigilant Adrian in the West Ham goal. The effort as considerably better than that of Christian Ericksen who lashed the re-taken effort high over the crossbar and into the stands. As usual, the on-bail Ravel Morrison is being held responsible.
Meanwhile, the record keepers at Upton Park have been busy calculating the impact of today’s events upon the all-time penalty-taking stats. Noble has tumbled from first to third in success rate and down to fourth in the all-time ranking! As always, the Hammers legend has vowed to fight on and will undoubtedly be back slotting them away next week in training. Meanwhile, Police are focusing their enquiries around the North-East London area.
The FA have also launched an investigation into another incident during the game wherein it seems that Tottenham may have fielded an ineligible player who took their second half free kick after the dismissal of James Collins for deliberate ginger-hairedness - an offence that warrants a mandatory RED card. The player, employed the Roberto Carlos-style long run up before thumping the ball Jonny Wilkinson-like over the wall into the hands of the ever-vigilant Adrian in the West Ham goal. The effort as considerably better than that of Christian Ericksen who lashed the re-taken effort high over the crossbar and into the stands. As usual, the on-bail Ravel Morrison is being held responsible.
Meanwhile, the record keepers at Upton Park have been busy calculating the impact of today’s events upon the all-time penalty-taking stats. Noble has tumbled from first to third in success rate and down to fourth in the all-time ranking! As always, the Hammers legend has vowed to fight on and will undoubtedly be back slotting them away next week in training. Meanwhile, Police are focusing their enquiries around the North-East London area.
Hammers Penalty Supremos
Total penalties and conversion rate
|
Confidence, crucial conversions vs misses,
cheekiness rating
|
Overall Rating
|
|
Noble
|
33/36 = 92%
|
90%
|
182
|
Dicks
|
35/39 = 88%
|
95%
|
183
|
Stewart
|
81/86 = 94%
|
92%
|
186
|
Hurst
|
18/19 = 94%
|
90%
|
184
|
What about Muffin?
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