Thursday 18 February 2016

Further Developments as West Ham Turn to Space Age Technology at Olympic Stadium

West Ham may be on the crest of a wave of success right now, but that has brought it's own problems for the club as they desperately try to accommodate their adoring fans at their new home in Stratford. Unfortunately, although the Olympic Stadium has a capacity of 74,000, West Ham have a planning licence for only 54,000 seats - a figure that is vastly inadequate to deal with the unprecedented numbers seeking season tickets.

With 30,000 fans on the so-called 'priority' list for season tickets, it is particularly ridiculous that there will be around 20,000 unused seats covered over on match days!!! with that in mind, the sports science boffins at their Chadwell Heath laboratories have been working on a special device that will make fans invisible to any observers.

Based upon the infamous KlingOn 'cloaking' technology that was first described in the original Star Trek TV series, the device creates a teleoptical field around fans that makes then invisible to earthlings! West Ham fans will be familiar with the cloaking method as it has been used for years by Man United at Old Trafford to trick linemen in respect of offside decisions.

On the down side, the device does transform fans into cling-on lookalikes, which will slightly reduce their shagmagnetism during matches. Our artists at VERYWESTHAM have created this photofit image of the effects, using celebrity Hammers fan Ray Winstone as a model. Also, there is the added concern that those crafty folk down at the LLDC (London Legacy Development Corporation) who oversee capacity permission might employ Klingons to see through the cloaking device!


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