Nightwear on Green Street: Hammers move to address nightmare start to season

In a move that again goes to prove that the Hammers uberlords Messers Gold and Sullivan are totally attuned to the Hammers supporters needs, the club have released a sensational range of snuggly nightwear for Hammers fans to wear during the sleep-inducing performances of this so far nightmarish season.  

The stylish new products are sure to be a big hit amongst the bubbles faithful as they cosy up for some upcoming snoozefests where goals are unlikely to interrupt fans’ efforts to catch up on some much needed kip.  

First up, at a mere £29.99, the hoodied all in one Pjs garment combines the need to keep warm with the capacity to pull the hood over one’s eyes to avoid watching the opposition enjoying their usual 70% share of possession – unusually, these stats apply to both home and away matches thereby adding to the versatility of the product!

 

Then there’s the elegant tartan-style flannel two-piece pyjama set that will serve to bring back fond memories of back when West Ham had an exciting forward line that included tartan Jock favourite Frankie McAvennie. Moreover,  the mildly comical design will allow totally bored out of their bangers fans to pass time during matches doing impersonations of the Bay City Rollers.

 

And as if that weren’t enough, the club have also released a fantastically fluffy striped dressing gown for those fans who might want to be at their seductive best for ‘her indoors’ before and after crunch match sleepovers. In even better news, it is rumoured that the first 50,000 customers will also get a free pair of matching slippers.

 

The new products are sure to go down well across the spectrum of Hammers fans and General manager Karren Brady has agreed to showcase them at the next home fixture.