West ham 1-1 Stoke City: Joey ‘the Lips’ clips Potters swagger as Hammers revert to flatulent back four

Monday night witnessed a full house at the Boleyn swinging to the sweet tones of Joey ‘the Lips’ O’Brien after the Dubliner swept the ball home to capture another precious point on the way to European football for the buoyant Hammers. The goal was O’Brien’s first in the Premiership and afforded fans the opportunity to check out his preferred celebration routine. Speaking after the game, O’Brien’s namesake – Joey ‘the Lips’ Fagan revealed “I got me name for me horn playin, O’Brien deserves his for those amazing goal scoring celebrations”.  

In after match comments Joey attributed the extra step in his stride to a bowl of finest Dublin Coddle that his mother prepared for him just before kick off. The delicious meal comprised of boiled sausages and bacon in an oniony broth is said to also be a possible aphrodisiac.

Mrs O’Brien is over doing some pre-Christmas shopping and making herself very useful to the West Ham catering staff by providing them with some nutricious Irish dishes. Momo Diame is said to be addicted to her Boxty pancakes, while exposure to a traditional serving of Bacon and cabbage has finally made Kevin Nolan realise the error of his ways in refusing to play for Ireland. The cabbage has proven a little less popular with Jussi Jaskelainen who has found his berth behind the flatulent back four a malodourous challenge!

Unfortunately for West Ham, Stoke’s Repuberlick of Oireland striker Jonathon Walters also gained access to the performance-enhancing cuisine which contributed in no small amount to his opening strike for the visitors. He celebrated by seizing the opportunity of the visit to London to pop in to Dave’s Family Butchers at East St Market in Walworth after the game to load up with a hamper of delicious  treats from the Emerald Isle.

Ironically, Dave’s is also frequented by Hammer’s boss Sam Allardyce who has been hopelessly addicted toLimerick’s own Nash’s red lemonade since his time manging the League of Ireland outfit in the early 80’s.