West Ham 0-0 Man City: Sorry Chaps - you'll have to go elsewhere if you want to score tonight

It was simply a case of ‘no entry tonight fellas’ at Fortress Upton for the visiting Man City Superstars as they tried to gatecrash the Hammers Premiership party. A superb defensive contribution from the disciplined Hammers side held the 150 gazzillion strikeforce goalless for the first time this season and were it not for a poor offside call for Kevin Nolan’s smashing fourth minute volley, the Hammers would have toppled the overconfident visitors.

Mancini gives the match officials a helping hand by indicating how many yards Nolan was onside

But the under pressure Sky Blues struggled to conceal their frustrations with some observers suggesting that they may even resort to the old Mancunian excuse of the invisible kit – a ridiculous ruse that Alex Ferguson unsuccessfully pulled to explain a shocking first half performance many years ago against Southampton.

                                                Somewhere out there lurks a Man City player

 

                                                  Denis Irwin poses nude, essentially

However, insiders have revealed that the Mega-well off club have started to invest in star-trek style cloaking technology in an effort to overcome offside rulings and also as a possible way of concealing  Mario Balotelli when he is having one of his more embarrassing outbursts.

                                          The strongest possible argument for use of cloaking technology

Meanwhile, the Hammers continue on their mission to bring European football to the new Olympic stadium. Their efforts could be substantially boosted in the January transfer window when inevitably Carlos Tevez rejoins his beloved Hammers. The Apache took the opportunity last night to remind City fans that he is really a hammer at heart.

                                                          Home is where the heart is