Saturday 24 November 2012

Spurs vs West Ham Preview: Awayday at the squadstealers - effluent not affluent…

North London crisis counselling services are on red alert in the lead up to tomorrow’s main Premiership encounter between neighbouring Londoners Tottie Hots Purrs and the Sensational Bubbles boys. With squatters rights at the Olympic Stadium on offer to the winners, this tie is likely to be fought to the death and only a foolish fool would bet against Sam’s gritty Hammers.

Here come the Hammers from Hell

In slightly worrying developments for the Hammers, Wantaway striker Emmanuel  Iveanotherbuyer is looking to impress as he seeks to find another  club to invest in his unusual brand of commitment. Similarly, soontodepart midfielder Gareth Bale may be looking towards joining other Spurs escapees Modric and Van der Vaart and is likely to put in a big performance, although as usual his defensive contribution is likely to be minimal.
                                                         Bale's preferred position

In developments aimed at increasing popularity amongst children, a deal has been completed  with EuroDisney  to assume responsibility for developing the Premiership product. However, this may interfere with AVB’s team plans for the match as new height restrictions may apply on certain rides and could outrule both Jermaine Defoe and Aaron Lennon. Happily, the diminuitive pair have been given the go ahead to watch the game from the childrens enclosure of the ground.

                                                              Those little guys are sooooo cute!

In good news for the Hammers, Danny Dyer has finished filming for his latest movie and can reassume his role as ‘Matt Jarvis’ on the left wing for West Ham.

                                                Note: the African elephant has bigger ears            

In other developments, the true nature of Scott Parkers injury woes has been revealed as a severe case of homesickness for Upton Park. In even more devastating developments for the ex-Hammers Captain, the current Hammers midfield axis of Noble-Nolan-Diame  is said to be so stunningly effective that there is unlikely to be any way back for the former Premiership player of the year.

                                                              Wot am i doing here?

It has also been revealed that  Spurs and Fulham fans have joined forces in a legal bid to force their respective clubs to change their incredibly bland and boring team strips. Both sets of supporters are fed up of their overpriced club attire being mistaken for generic white budget  t-shirts and instead want something much more exotic as a replacement.

Oh and by the way, all would be lawbreakers should beware – the Premiership’s most determined rule enforcer is back – Clatts will be raising the offside flag, hopefully incessantly against the Spurs offense.  


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