Gerrard allegations place West Ham at centre of intergalactic conspiracy

Allardyce meets his real boss

West Ham fans were shocked to their very foundations yesterday as Liverpool Captain Steven Gerrard accused the normally inoffensive East London club of being at the forefront of an intergalactic conspiracy to prevent Liverpool winning the Premiership title. After a match in which a misfiring Liverpool side were gifted a whopping two penalties - both highly controversial, he was left unhappy with a number of important aspects of the fixture.

Firstly, he fired off a torpedo in the form of the accusation that West Ham had manipulated the climate to ensure that the weather on the day be relatively warm - in a deliberate effort to discommode the Liverpudlians who hail from a naturally cooler and more rain-inclined climate. Even worse, the Hammers had arranged for literally thousands of East enders to amalgamate behind one of the goals and express totally biased support for the London side

 

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The abuse continued thoughout the match, with Hammers players unashamedly trying to stop Liverpool playing their preferred game. At one point, Pablo Armero thrust out a foot to prevent little Luis Suarez from getting past him. And Andy Carroll's "punch"on Liverpool 'keeper Mignolet is a prime example of the sort of violence that discourages mothers from allowing their children to play football for fear of terrible injury. Moreover, he even claimed that some players failed to disconnect their elbows before going on to the pitch, thus leaving the charismatic Liverpool defence at risk of robust physical contact!

However, the veteran aged person perhaps went a little too far in claimimg that he had been forced along with his team-mates to walk a full mile to get to the stadium. Luckily, the grim determinedness of Gerrard and his teammates prevailed as managed to sneak a win despite failing to convince with their ‘boutique’ footie.

Sadly, the conspiracy seems likely to continue unabated as they prepare to face a Man City side who are also likely to have the audacity to try and win the fixture rather than roll over and allow the Reds to take their natural right.

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