Saturday, 20 December 2014

Konchesky Gets the Chop as Pearson has another Outburst

There were dramatic scenes in the changing rooms at Upton Park today after West Ham outfoxed Leicester to take all three points with a 2-0 win. Poor Paul Konchesky slipped up mid-way through the first half with an ill-judged back pass that provoked hot-headed Leicester boss Nigel Pearson into another rage - only days after receiving a hefty fine for telling a heckling fan to FOAD!

Pre-transplant Konch
A devastated Konchesky is said to have blamed his hair for getting into his eyes and blocking out the image of the lurking Andy Carroll who pounced on to the under hit pass and then slotted it past the hapless Foxes netminder to give West Ham a deserved lead and the perfect platform for their ninth victory in the Premiership this season.

 Konchesky's disappointment may be slightly softened by the fact that the beneficiaries on this occasion were his former club of whom he is a self-confessed fan. However, the Hammers faithful may struggle to recognise their former left back as the current hairy-headed version bears little resemblance to the severely cropped youngster who turned out for the Bubbles on 59 occasions between 2005-7, including scoring a stunning goal in the 2006 FA Cup final!

Pearson is thought to have responded with a Biblical-style outburst that included a Delilah-style attack on Konchesky, shearing off his hair in an attempt to prevent any similar mishaps in the future. It is hoped that a return to his abrasive baldy self will allow Konch to recover the Samson-like powers that previously characterised his defensive toils.

Meanwhile, the FA may launch an enquiry into why Leicester fielded a player with a surname suspiciously similar to their matchday opponents nickname, raising the possibility of a nepotistic conflict of interest. For Ben Hamer, this will come as another headache ahead of the current probe into possible wizardry and / or religious extremism.

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