John Terry Embroiled in Web of Deceit with West Ham Fans

The level of in-house paranoia at Chelsea appeared to reach new heights this morning as Captain John Terry posted an instagram picture allegedly depicting Hammers fans engaging in ungentlemanly and abusive gesturing towards him after he netted a stunning 2-yard pile driver to open the scoring at Stamford bridge on Boxing day!

The blatantly photoshopped pic

However, with the help of state of the art soccer graphology techniques, we can confirm that Terry's insinuations are almost certainly incorrect and bordering on possibly misleading. In an effort to clarify matters we have reposted the shot restored to its original content before Terry 'photoshopped' it to remove the crucial objects that reveal the true intentions of the Hammers fans. 

We have also numbered the relevant items of evidence as follows...

1.  This diamond geezer is signalling to John that in his opinion JT is still numero uno for the England centre back berth, especially as Roy Hodgson refuses to select James Tomkins instead persisting with the aged and mediocre Phil Jaggyelbow.

2. Despite his tender age, this young man has managed tp procue a pint of beer which he is offering to John to facilitate his celebrations of an excellent goal.

3. This gentleman, who is probably a top sports scientist, has developed the concept of fan #2 but is offering John a much needed protein shake to help him sustain his efforts for the full ninety minutes.

4. This chap is thought to be one of London's foremost hair designers and is offering JT a haircut free-gratis at his fashionable salon.

5. It remains unclear how this admirer managed to sneak a full-sized original light sabre into the ground, but he has identified this moment as the ideal opportunity to offer it to John as a symbol of his out of this world brilliance. 

Meanwhile, foreign language problems have again caused the Gooners of Middle Arse to become unstuck as Olivier Giroud took the Boxing Day moniker too literally in the clash with QPR and engaged in some ungentlemanly headbutting. The resulting red card brings a ban that begins for today's match where the Gooners make the arduous trip across London to visit West Ham. 

Giroud will undoubtedly be pleased that the ban begins with immediate effect as this match is one that the Gooners will almost certainly have pencilled in as most unlikely to deliver any points in their quest for a Europa League place.