Slumberland 1-2 West Ham: Another season ends with mid-table obscurity and still six games to play!

Spare a thought for all those Poor West Ham fans who were left to wallow in their present disgruntled state after Monday nights away win against a determined Sundeland side. With the club now lying stranded a full eleven points clear of the final relegation spot, and with only an outside mathematical chance of getting pulled into some of the end of season relegation histrionics, they need to focus on other activities to keep themselves amused and titillated.

Fans are said to be considering their options for the much needed adrenaline buzz, and amongst these are included travelling in disguise to neighbours Millwall, who look destined to drop from the chumpionship.  However, given the chronically low expectations at the unfashionable south-East London club, there is not expected to be too many tears or self harm when they finally take the plunge.

Meanwhile, up at Tragic Sheffield United, there is an endless stream of opportunities for dysphoric bliss, as the once modestly sized club continue to languish below even the play off places in League One. However, the chirpy cockerney accents and indefatiguably upbeat personas would be likely to clash horribly with their sombre Northern counterparts.

And so back at Fortress Boleyn where it appears that Big Sam will have to move on as his brand of dour efficiency is simply unacceptable to the thrillseeking Hammers faihtful - oh how we'd love to be in Fulham's shoes - bracing themselves for a fire sale as they try to dodge the bankrupcy that can so easily follow relegation, and which for Portsmouth, Coventry, Wolves et al has precipitated a slide down the leagues...

Meanwhile we are left in our safe slippers, cosily observing proceedings with a nice cup of Horlicks.