Monday 10 March 2014

Self-Harming Hammers Get the Daggers Out!

The international break, twinned with more cup action, has left some footie fans at an unacceptable loose end. Heavily addicted Hammers faithful, who have relied upon their weekly self-harm sessions down at the Boleyn, have been left to seek satisfaction with the increasingly unfulfilling spectacle that is provided by these all too frequent international ‘friendlies’. Local Samaritans have been inundated with footie fans in all sorts of obnoxious states of withdrawal as they pine for their weekly dose of delicious dysphoria.

The only point of interest in these insipid affairs is whether one of your players might suffer an “Ashton” or become embroiled in some pointless debate about whether the manager is trying to subtly insult you or is just a rambling old timer who tends to wander off on stories that make no sense other than to confuse and befuddle.

Verywestham on tour

Some Hammers fans have taken the ‘Football-lite’ option of trying to engage with the ‘mighty’ O’s or ‘deadly’ Daggers, or even SAAF end, but are soon reminded how insipid and surprisingly not inexpensive lower league shenanigans really are – and what a good job the blokes behind Saturday night’s Football league show do to dress up this largely pedestrian product as something pure and ‘real’. Sadly, Barry Hearn’s Olympic stadium antics have stunted our affections for the O’s, while the Daggers and Shrimpers remain our likeable but underachieving cousins.   

In this context, Saturday’s visit to the stock car racing circuit that is the Brittania stadium, for a fight to the death with Stoke city represents a mouth- watering prospect. With the Hammers back to their physically imposing best, we can expect plenty of ground-shuddering collisions and the prize of a hard earned point (or maybe a sneaky three?) that will bring us ever closer to Premiership safety. Either way, the boredom break is over and it’s into the final straights of a ‘weird’ season that will go right down to the wire at both the top and bottom.

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