Reveal: Crucial Information for Hammers Fans

Ok, so we made a gallant comeback which will undoubtedly provoke calls of 'why do we have to go 3 down to start playing?' But in reality, West ham looked lacking in confidence and bereft of ideas for the first hour of Today's game. Noble and Rice were trying to get us going with some passionate tackling, but the rest of the team looked strangely sedate for what is our big derby game of the season.

And then there was the Alan McKnightmare-esque performance of Roberto. Enough said.

We are without a win in 8 games and sliding down the table....you might even say we are in freefall.

One fellow fan joked as we were leaving the stadium today that at least we won't have a boring run in this year. He's sadly right - we are almost certainly going to be at least up to our waist in relegation troubles.

And with that in mind, many fans are already nervously checking our run in - the good news is that  it looks relatively 'kind':

Newcastle (away) 11/04
Burnley (home) 18/04
Norwich (away) 25/04
Watford (home) 02/05
Man Utd (away) 09/05
Aston Villa (home) 17/ 05

It's hard to see us turning things around until January opens the door to new recruits as we have Chelsea, Arsenal, Liverpool, along with Palace and Wolves away, such that the Southampton game looks like a relegation six pointer already!!!

Top Marks to the bloke giving it socks with Karaoke to lift the spirits as we left the ground. Right now we are truly singing the Claret n Blues...

COYI

Bobby Bubbles Player Ratings as Hammers Humble Hotspurs

Lukasz Fabianski - 10

Has had an outstanding season and once again was impeccable between the sticks. Pulled off a number of crucial saves with early two stops when Son looked set to score possibly the most important.

Ryan Fredericks -10

Really starting to find his feet in the past few games. His pace was important today and he used to Great effect on a number of occasions including an absolutely crucial block towards the end.

Issa Diop - 10

Most West Ham fans are of the view that our best centre-back partnership consists of Balbuena and Diop (Sorry Angelo!). Today's performance cemented that view as Issa looked back to his best and even showed some attacking prowess with a barnstorming run towards the end. Young players are prone to periods of loss of focus and he has come through his!

Fabian Balbuena - 10

A towering presence at the back and at this stage looks back to full match fitness after his injury over the Christmas period. Topped things off with the crucial for clearance off the line at the very end. Outstanding!

Arthur Masuaku - 10

Only a month ago he looked to be on his way out of the club, but after a series of excellent performances (where he's looked much steadier in defence) he looks to have a real future of the club next season.

Declan Rice - 10

Absolutely brilliant once again. Seems to have boundless energy. Another memorable performance as he put himself about with Eric Dier's late entrance only serving to underline how much better Dekky is as a defensive midfielder option!  He really is good enough to build team around over the next couple of years.

Mark Noble - 10

it's hard to imagine life  without Captain Claret  and today was just the latest example of his total commitment to the club. Above all other players of recent times, Noble deserved to be on the West Ham team that goes down in history as the first to beat Spurs at their new ground. Class.

Robert Snodgrass - 10

Has totally turned it around at West Ham and is now a fans favourite. Not afraid to put in about a bit and picked up a yellow card for his troubles today. Ran his socks off until he was substituted.

Felipe Anderson - 10

Absolutely brilliant again and a constant threat to Spurs. Hasn't scored for a while but had z couple of close efforts and, as always, can hold onto the ball when needed with his superquick feet.

Michail Antonio - 10

Put simply, he has recovered his pace after all those hamstring issues of last year and is thoroughly enjoying himself. Superb finish for a memorable goal and almost nabbed a second!

Marko Arnautovic - 10

His best game in a while - looked up for it again....who knows what will happen in the Summer.  

Here's why West Ham will win against Spurs today...

Over the years there has been much debate as to what constitutes the so called ‘West Ham Way’. For most Hammers fans the answer is quite simple- it relates to our tradition of playing open football with an emphasis on skillful passing and attacking play.

That said, there are a number of other elements that include developing youth through our fabled academy and then giving yhem the chance to develop on the big stage.

However, the ‘West Ham Way’ isn't entirely positive in character as it also includes a frustrating inconsistency and a tendency to unexpectedly lose games just when we seem to be developing some momentum and ready to push towards success.

Also in the list of negative attributes is an unsettling pattern of allowing ‘bigger’ clubs to steal our best talent thus posing a major barrier to the club making the transition to the very highest level. The Sullivan and Gold era has brought financial stability as we are now in the top 20 richest clubs in the World and do no need to sell our top players anymore.

For many fans the arrival of Manuel Pellegrini signalled a return of the positive elements of the ‘West Ham Way’ with open and attractive football after the dirge of Moyes and Allardyce. There was also a belief that our days of being a selling club are over and that we might wave bye bye to our traditional inconsistency on the field of play...

However, on the evidence of this season it appears that old habits die hard as despite convincing victories over the likes of Arsenal and Manchester United, the Hammers have  succumbed to Cardiff City and were dumped out of the FA cup in an emphatic manner by League Two side Wimbledon!

Also, recent disappointing results against Manchester United - where we managed to lose a game that we totally dominated due to a number of dreadful refereeing decisions followed by last weekend's disappointing draw with Leicester where Pellegrini's side were denied a perfectly good goal which would have put them 3-1 up with a matter of minutes to play, then managed to allow Leicester to score a dramatic but undeserved equalizer in injury time. They say that refereeing decisions balance out over the course of time but many West Ham fans will disagree and feel that another negative aspect of the West Ham Way is the tendency for refereeing decisions to consistently go against us!

On to today's game, where Pellegrini's troops take on a Tottenham side who are in fine form since moving to their new state-of-the-art stadium. Spurs remain unbeaten at their new home but should brace themselves for another aspect of the ‘West Ham way’  - to turn on the style when all the odds are against it and wreck our enemy’s buzz just when the party is getting started! For seasoned observers it would come as no surprise if West Ham were to emerge today as the first team to beat Spurs at their new home!

The bookies see things differently however with Spurs 5/2 on for the win while the Hammers are 7/1 against. Rory Nostradamus reckons 5/1 for the draw represents the best odds and is predicting a lively 2-2 encounter!

Don’t forget the game is an early Kick off with festivities getting under way at 12.30.

COYI!!!

An Ayew statistic that will surprise many Hammers fans!

Am I alone among Hammers fans in sometimes finding myself sighing when Andre Ayew enters the fray? Often the Ghana international looks to be running down blind alleyways with his low centre of gravity and head down combining to make it look like there is an imbalance between effort and guile.

In reality, after his first season many fans were still undecided about the relative merits of Ayew and his £20 million transfer fee seemed to hang like a mill stone around his neck. Some fans feel that we should have held on to Sofiane Feghouli instead of Ayew.

However, Ayew's high energy game is starting to pay dividends as our stunning victory over Spurs in midweek demonstrates. His MOTM award was well deserved for a brace that Chicharito would have been proud of (And needs to start delivering!). But Ayew's recent good form is perhaps more sustained than many fans appreciate as in his 15 months at the club he has been involved in more goals (10 goals and 5 assists) than any other Hammer!!!

As his goal count this season mounts (currently 4), maybe he can join Michail Antonio as a double figures forward? He achieved double figures in 4 of his 5 seasons at Marseille and also with Swansea in the Premiership before joining West Ham. With Marko Arnautovic needing to prove himself and Nathan Holland waiting in the wings, the Hammers are starting to look potent out wide.

Palace today should provide the ideal opportunity to build upon Wednesday night's performance for player and club. With Palace lacking firepower going forward, surely Slaven Bilic will go with an attacking formation?

Kick off is at 3pm.

COYI!!!

Slav-Watch: is Bilic an endangered species?

Slaven Bilic has endured a tough start to his second season in charge of West Ham. While last year everything he touched seemed to turn to gold, this year his side have struggled prompting all sorts of rumours that he might be heading for the exit door. Prior to the Palace game he was the Premiership manager that the bookies had down as favourite for the push, but two consecutive (narrow) victories and he looks in a safer place.

However, a look through the Hammers upcoming fixture list suggests that he is likely to come under considerable pressure again over the coming weeks. Between now and the second week of December we have seven games during which we face six of the current top seven!

First up come a rejuvenated Chelsea who will be looking to end the Hammers interest in the League cup. The bookies have West ham at 7/2 against to prevail, while Chelsea are 4/5 on to progress even though the Hammers are the hosts! Yesterday's 4-0 mauling of Man United demonstrates the threat Chelsea can pose to West Ham's reconstituted defence.

After that comes a series of challenging Premiership games - Everton (A), Stoke (H), Spurs (A), Man United (A), Arsenal (H), Liverpool (A). With 10 points from 9 games and currently sitting in a lowly 15th in the table, the Hammers could easily find themselves sliding back into the relegation zone unless they can pull some unexpected results out of the bag.

Everton away has been a disastrous fixture over the years until Superslav's troops pulled off a thrilling comeback to win 3-2 at Goodison last March. The bookies don't fancy a repeat as the Hammers are 4-1 against for the win, with a draw quoted at 5-2. In all honesty, you'd grab a draw right now!

On the face of it, Stoke at home holds the best promise for a win. After a dreadful start to the season, just like West Ham, Stoke are back to winning ways having won two on the bounce. However, with improved attacking options and Aaron Cresswell in the mix West Ham will be hoping to grab all three points.

Spurs away is always a crazy game. While Hammers fans have to concede that the current crop at No Heart Lane are their most talented in decades, without Harry Kane they can misfire up front. whatever happens, it'll be a high tempo London derby where anything is possible. Perfect stage for a piece of Payet perfection?

Then comes Man United away. Jose Mourinho's side are a variable feast right now but the Hammers have not won at Old Trafford since Tevez's 2007 delight. Last year's draw could so easily have been a win for West Ham as LVG's misfitring side were there for the taking, but the post (twice) and a referee who didn't see Schweinsteiger's blatant penalty-deserving foul on Winston Reid denied the Hammers what would have been a deserved victory. However, the new Zlatan and Pogba boosted Man united side will be a more severe test.

Then we receive Arsenal to the London Stadium. Joint top and freescoring (as Champions league opponents Ludogorets found out last week in a 6-0 thrashing) this year Wenger's troops hope to seize the Premiership for the first time since moving to the Emirates. However, as Middlesboro demonstrated on Saturday, it's still quite possible to frustrate the Gooners and who can forget last season's opener. Maybe this one is a game to reintroduce Reece Oxford into the fray - at the very least the threat will cause Mesut Ozil to have nightmares that he might be totally bossed again!

Finally, the run of horror fixtures comes to an end with a visit to Anfield. After last year's 50 year-ending win, the place will hold less fear for Slav's boys. However, Klopp looks to have reawoken the Red beast and Liverpool are the in form side in the Premiership just now.

A key consideration is what sort of points haul will be needed to keep the Davids happy with SuperSlav's leadership? After 15 games last year, we were placed in sixth with 23 points.It's hard to see 13 points amassing from our next six games to haul us back to those dizzy heights!

A cup exit twinned with a return to the relegation zone would likely pile the pressure on. However, two or three half decent results would almost certainly keep things ticking over and allow for key absentees to return. However, if we can get close then the January transfer window will also surely see plenty of action at the London Stadium as a host of loanees may depart to free up squad places for new recruits. With Burnley and Hull at home in the lead up to Christmas, we can still turn our season around.

If Slav can navigate the next seven games with success then you sense that he could be our manager for the next decade.



 

Miserable Moyes Back to His Best

David Moyes got just the boost he needed in injury time yesterday as his Sunderland side were denied a hard earned point by Winston Reid's stunning strike just 7 seconds from the end. The incident provided Moyes with an ideal opportunity to demonstrate his considerable curmudgeonly talents, indulging in a delicious piece of righteous indignation as he growled about 'interfering with play' highlighting how the referee had been visibly uncertain and looked to his linesmen for guidance.


In reality, West Ham were very fortunate that the goal was allowed as two Hammers players (Calleri and Kouyate) were offside and clearly impeding the Sunderland goalkeeper's view of proceedings.

SuperSlav may well point to the overall performance in which Sunderland rarely threatened and could have been three goals down after 25 minutes, but the truth is that West Ham remain without a cutting edge up front and looked like they could have played out there for days without scoring. The sooner Sakho, Carroll and Ayew are available the better. 

On the plus side, our defence looks tighter again - something that will be put to the test over our next six games where we face a remarkably tough series of fixtures. After Chelsea in the cup, we have Premierships matches with Everton (A), Stoke (H), Spurs (A), Man United (A), Arsenal (H), Liverpool (A). The three points from yesterday will be vital as we still sit in a lowly 15th and look likely to nosedive over the coming weeks where points will surely be at a premium.

So it's a case of tough times ahead, but there are encouraging signs of late as Winston Reid is back to his best and the three man centre back formation looks tight. Adrian has survived his wobbly period and looks sharp again. Obiang and newbie Fernandez offer options in midfield. While many fans have been really disappointed with this year's transfer arrivals, fit-again Sofiane Feghouli looks to be the most impressive of them and added an extra width when he came on yesterday.

Bilic likes to play as the underdog and catch teams on the counter - there will be plenty of opportunities to test that strategy over the next six weeks!

COYI!!!

Southampton can provide a Barometer

After Tuesday night's victory over Aston Villa West Ham are sixth in the Premiership table with 14 games to go and perfectly positioned to push for a European place. However, despite dominating a defensive-minded Villa side with 70% possession the Hammers made hard work of actually sealing the win and were undoubtedly helped enormously by the early dismissal of Jordan Ayew for violent conduct.

Before the sending off Villa looked the more sprightly of the two sides and had a decent penalty shout for a hand ball incident turned down. Thereafter, they parked the bus and West Ham struggled to create real chances. In the post Big Sam era we are less bothered with the statistical 'paint by numbers' approach to tactical analysis, but the tally of 16 shots off target is hard to overlook. Right now, West Ham are playing without an out and out striker and it shows in terms of our lack of cutting edge.

Andy Carroll is scheduled to return today while newbie Emmanuel Emenike has his permit in order and could also appear. Interestingly, much of the debate around Emenike's remarkable loss of form at international level focuses around his preference to play in a wide position rather than as a central attacker, and thus smacks of a back up for Enner Valencia. In reality, the player most Hammers fans want back most is Diafra Sakho and will hope that he will be ready in the next fortnight as planned.

This evening's game is another crucial fixture where three points would put pressure on those above them, with Spurs facing a tricky clash with Watford, Man united snarled up with a recovering Chelsea and Leicester and Man City in a head to head top of the table tussle. However, Southampton will be keen to get back into the mix and, although with 5 fewer points, sit just one place below us. As a side salad, there's the whole Charlie Austin thing to consider, but in all fairness to our defence, we have handled him pretty well in the past when he was with QPR.

Perhaps more importantly, the Hammers have been lukewarm in their form over the past few games and this encounter will tell a lot in terms of where we sit in the real scheme of things. A recent computer-generated end of table prediction placed us in eighth. At the start of the season we would have grabbed that, but that was before we realised just how good Payet and Lanzini were. accordingly, our aspirations have been recalibrated to include a top six finish. This evening will provide a barometer.

Rory Nostradamus predicts a 1-1 draw while horoscope expert. Mark Lawrenson predicts .....well, you know what he predicts!

Fingers crossed we can nick a win and the rest stutter.

COYI

 

Sam Deserves Better from Reid

Bloody contracts!

The Winston Reid story took a negative turn today as Sam Allardyce conceded that it was looking less and less likely that he could be persuaded to stay at West Ham. While we all recognise that modern soccer is primarily a business, at West Ham we remain  steeped in a particular tradition and still maintain a homely veneer amidst the comings and goings of the moneybags mercenaries.

For this reason, it is tough to see a player nurtured at the Boleyn pu led away by the lure of something different. Rumours of a five year 600 a week offer suggest that its hardly more cash that is the issue and that an appetite for European football is the draw. With the current squad and the Olympic Stadium move looming, one wonders if Reid (and his advisers) is calling this correctly?

For Sam, this loss will disappoint. Reid was a rough prospect when he arrived from Danish outfit FC Midtjylland after the 2010 world cup. Strong, athletic but defensively naive, he has benefitted from being one of Sam's chosen ones. It took him some time to settle, but Sam believed in him and the experience of playing in the Championship helped him to bridge the gulf to the top level but he has continued to develop under Sam's guidance. At 26 he is rated by many to be as good as any other central defender in the League and his loss would seriously weaken the proposed spine of the team for the Olympic Stadium. A mention of loyalty would simply provoke guffaws of derision  in our modern footie climes.

It would be sad to see him go, and sadder still to see his form dip at the likes of Liverpool or Tottenham - clubs that have provided career graveyards for so many quality players (ask Stewart Downing!). Worst of all, he might warm the bench at the other high profile vulture clubs who are said to be interested. 

On the other hand, maybe we are in the final throes of a resolution. However, Winston and his agents should bear in mind that sometimes a  journey can sour the destination, especially if too drawn out. 

FA launch enquiry into Hammers stalemate

You're gorgeous mate

West Ham were left to rue the missed opportunity of further boosting their drive for Champions league football next year after a stalemate against lowly Aston Villa at Upton Park yesterday. Despite creating a number of gilt-edge opportunities, Villa keeper Brad Guzan was equal to anything that West Ham could throw at him, and pulled off a series of wonder saves to prevent Birmingham’s finest from their seventh straight defeat.

Almost Banksian in its outrageousness

However, post match video analysis has raised concerns that in their efforts to halt the slide towards Chumpionship football, the Villains may have resorted to identity theft and or cloning technology. After viewing footage from the match, FA officials have noted the extreme and unusual likeness between the Villa netminder and Swansea midfielder Jonjo Shelvey. 


Moreover, some of the saves were described as “simply out of this world” - a little like Shelvey's long range goal last season, ironically against Villa. Just in case you want to revisit that moment of genius, click on Shelvey's image. 

Shelvey predicts the scoreline for last Saturday's game

Yeeeeehaarrrrrrrgh!!!

Either way, on a weekend when both the Gooners of Middle Arse and Tottie Hotspuds both endured defeats, West Ham will be reasonably happy to respect the point and have actually moved up a place to fourth. Moreover, Hammers fans were treated to some examples of the mayhem Andy Carroll can bring to the opposition defence as a late cameo allowed the returning striker his first game time in six months. Moreover, we kept a rare clean sheet and achieved almost 60% possession which is always reassuring. The post match stats read like 'new' West ham playing last season's version with us dominating on chances created, accurate passes, crosses and shots while Villa rated much higher on tackles and interceptions as well as shots blocked. Regardless of the scoreline, most Hammers fans would prefer to be the new version!

Not if Satan Baines gets a free kick!

In midfield, Alex Song and Cheikidh Kouyate were both a little off form, albeit in comparison to their scintillating performances so far this season, while up front Diafro Sakho did not look fully fit. With Winston Reid picking up a niggle that will (again) keep him out of the All White’s side for upcoming international duties, it’ll be interesting who Big Sam fields in the starting line up for the next game against Everton on the 22^nd. Goodison Park has not been a happy hunting ground for West Ham in recent years (?ever), but maybe this Hammers side can buck that trend?

They are everywhere

Meanwhile, the weird and unexpected dominated other matches in the Premiership as Burnley finally won a game against Momo Diame's Hull City. Hats off to the other clarets for their perseverance. Crystal Palace's escape last season should serve as encouragement to them, and you never know they might just find a Tevez-like saviour in the January transfer window.  

SAM: West Ham will finish in the top four!

As news emerged that a top computer has predicted that West Ham will be among the relegation scrappers next season, Big Sam is said to have finally given up on his obsession with computer-assisted statistics as a guide to tactical analysis. 

Got any jellied eels?

Instead, Sam has apparently turned to an animal oracle as a means of predicting scores, and linked in with his namesake - 'Sam' the Squid - a cousin of the infamous German Octopus who demonstrated Nostradamus-like qualities in the World cup. Sam, who currently resides at WetPets tropical fish suppliers in Romford, is said to have gobbled up some gormless-looking guppies who dared to come into his tank today as a sign that West Ham will once again demolish Spurs in the season's opener at Upton Park on Saturday as they push for  top four slot this season.


Meanwhile, bad boy rap artist Ravel-doh! has returned to training with the Hammers after his recent court and prison experiences. Big Sam, known as a strict disciplinarian, has dealt out a series of punishments including forcing the 'gangsta' to wear a bra during training.

In other news, fans will be delighted to learn that Tuesday 26th August has ben set as the date for the Capitol One Cup clash with Sheffield United. The FA are said to have initiated a major recruitment drive to ensure that they have adequate staff to man their complaints  hotline as it is expected that the belligerent Blades will once again keep the games governing body busy with their whinging after the inevitable thrashing being prepared for them by the mighty Hammers!




 In shock late news developments, it appears that all predictions will now have to be revised in the light of news of Tony Pulis' sudden departure from Crystal Palace this evening. Even an emotionally unintelligent robot would know that without Pulis' incredible magic the Eagles are now favourites along with Burnley for the drop.


Whatever else, they won't get another six points off us this year!
 

Defoe: i want another bite at the Hammers

The Italian FA have lodged a complaint about the waterlogged pitch

As the football world celebrates the immense psychological 'high' that comes with unbridled righteous indignation regarding the 'disgraceful' and 'unprecedented' Luis Sewerage biting incident, we at the restrained media organ that is VERYWESTHAM feel obliged to remind the footballing world that such incidents are no new thing and, in fact, gnasher-grief has been a recurring problem for West Ham United FC for a number of years.

 

First up, however, let all the FIFA shoulder shrugging about a lack of evidence / we didn't see the incident ourselves / all the video evidence was stolen by video-eating aliens be put to bed as these images - captured by our pitchside correspondent show - Sewarage is undoubtedly guilty of a gnashers-led attack wherein there is no evidence of any effort to play the ball - whatsoever!

Cheillini immediately around the approximate time of the match

Some (mostly) Uruguayans have suggested that this as in fact an example of the much lesser offence of a gummy-assault, but again, pictures taken by our private photographer demonstrate the extent of the italian blokes injuries - there is a less than 1% likelihood that these type of wounds could be inflicted by a gum-attack alone.




how the incident would have looked in 1970

We also got our Warholesque artsy fartsy craftsy backroom crew to create a Mexico-1970 iconic image version of the attack, which again is conclusive in its obvious and complete definiteness. 



Oi, wot u doin - this aint Gauchos mate!

Even worse for the footballing community, it is likely that many Hammers fans will be horribly retraumatised by the incident as it will undoubtedly trigger memories of Jermain Defoe's disgusting attack on then-Hammer Javier 'i can probably play better than this' Mascherano that dates back to 2006. Defoe was subsequently given a life ban from playing for a proper football team, something which forced him to stay at Tottenham for the rest of his career.






But even though the Hammers will blame tragic Tottenham for Defoes conversion to cannibalism, there can be no doubting that Oliver Kahn's 1999 carnivornous attack on Borussia Dortmund's Heiko Herrlich occured whilst wearing a Hammers away jersey. Such behaviour is unacceptable - even in the Bundesliga.






BTW that's Neil Ruddock looking on nonchalantly.

All of this could have been snuffed out if only the footballing world hadn't misinterpreted John Hartson's attempted purge of gnasher-related footballing offences when he attempted to kick teammate Eyal Berkovic's teeth out during a training ground routine in 1998. This was almost certainly a (vain) attempt to remove dental problems from the game for once and for all. However, once again  the ruling authorities got it all wrong, horribly horribly wrong.