Monday 10 November 2014

FA launch enquiry into Hammers stalemate

You're gorgeous mate
West Ham were left to rue the missed opportunity of further boosting their drive for Champions league football next year after a stalemate against lowly Aston Villa at Upton Park yesterday. Despite creating a number of gilt-edge opportunities, Villa keeper Brad Guzan was equal to anything that West Ham could throw at him, and pulled off a series of wonder saves to prevent Birmingham’s finest from their seventh straight defeat.

Almost Banksian in its outrageousness
However, post match video analysis has raised concerns that in their efforts to halt the slide towards Chumpionship football, the Villains may have resorted to identity theft and or cloning technology. After viewing footage from the match, FA officials have noted the extreme and unusual likeness between the Villa netminder and Swansea midfielder Jonjo Shelvey. 

Moreover, some of the saves were described as “simply out of this world” - a little like Shelvey's long range goal last season, ironically against Villa. Just in case you want to revisit that moment of genius, click on Shelvey's image. 
Shelvey predicts the scoreline for last Saturday's game

Either way, on a weekend when both the Gooners of Middle Arse and Tottie Hotspuds both endured defeats, West Ham will be reasonably happy to respect the point and have actually moved up a place to fourth. Moreover, Hammers fans were treated to some examples of the mayhem Andy Carroll can bring to the opposition defence as a late cameo allowed the returning striker his first game time in six months. Moreover, we kept a rare clean sheet and achieved almost 60% possession which is always reassuring. The post match stats read like 'new' West ham playing last season's version with us dominating on chances created, accurate passes, crosses and shots while Villa rated much higher on tackles and interceptions as well as shots blocked. Regardless of the scoreline, most Hammers fans would prefer to be the new version!

Not if Satan Baines gets a free kick!
In midfield, Alex Song and Cheikidh Kouyate were both a little off form, albeit in comparison to their scintillating performances so far this season, while up front Diafro Sakho did not look fully fit. With Winston Reid picking up a niggle that will (again) keep him out of the All White’s side for upcoming international duties, it’ll be interesting who Big Sam fields in the starting line up for the next game against Everton on the 22nd. Goodison Park has not been a happy hunting ground for West Ham in recent years (?ever), but maybe this Hammers side can buck that trend?

They are everywhere
Meanwhile, the weird and unexpected dominated other matches in the Premiership as Burnley finally won a game against Momo Diame's Hull City. Hats off to the other clarets for their perseverance. Crystal Palace's escape last season should serve as encouragement to them, and you never know they might just find a Tevez-like saviour in the January transfer window.  


  1. wow, i've read funneir beer mats

  2. OOogh - you can read while drinking! Clever Boy!!!
    This is actually a commentary on the match with Guzan's disproportionte contribution to the scoreline emphasised. And, yes, he does look a lot like Hammers-wannabe JJ Shelvey.

  3. Typical. Guzan has a blinder when we are the opposition.

  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


Feel free to comment - bad language is strictly forbidden and please refrain from any nasty 'isms'