Tuesday 29 March 2016

Five Things We Learned From Mark Noble's Testimonial

1. Our defence needs to get itself sorted, and quickly!

Conceding five goals against a bunch of aged has-beens was nothing short of a disgrace! Winston Reid and James Tomkins looked like they were out for a stroll and it was no surprise when Craig Bellamy sent then a wake up call early in the first half . However, they didn't heed him as the All-star ex-Hammers pub team ('we ate all the pies and drank all the kegs') comprised of Clydesdale category forwards (yes - you Marlon and Deano!) simply battered them in the second half.

2. Adrian is totally wasted in goal

Our Spanish shot-stopper started out his career as a striker and old habits die hard. His swashbuckling dribble traversing the full length of the field yesterday sent out a clear message to our opposition defences - 'underestimate my goal-scoring capacity at your peril'. Watch out Palace next week cos San Miguel is on a goalscoring run.

Even better, Adrian is so potent a penalty-taker that he celebrates scoring even when the ball doesn't end up in the net!!!

3. Electronic technology is already out of control

They were warned that it would happen but the advocates of electronic goal-line technology wouldn't listen and now we have top stars totally abusing the new relaxed rulings about on field use of electronics! Diafra Sakho's second half goal celebration 'selfie' was just the latest in a series of similar events that will inevitably end up with robot players.

On the up side, maybe they could do a Robocop-style reworking of Julian Dicks' knees so that we could get to witness his supreme tackling abilities once more - the Terminator simply couldn't resist the opportunity to get stuck in yesterday but many fans were left wondering why he didn't participate in the penalty shoot out??? Dicks vs Adrian......my money is on Jules to be honest!

4. Arthur C Clarke's Unsolved Mysteries team need to do a special on absurd and unexplained footballing tragedies.

Watching Di Canio,Sinclair and David James in action brought us back to one of the greatest footballing mysteries of our time - the Hammers Relegation of 2003! Top football scientologists are still baffled as to how that team (which also included Carrick, Cole, Johnson and Defoe) ended up going down???

5. It's not necessarily such a bad thing when our players don't get selected for International duty.

For many, Dean Ashton's spectacular overhead kick served as a painful reminder of his loss. Even worse for many, the second goal highlighted that six-yard poacher element that we still lack in our forward options. Notice how the ball just ended up effortlessly in the net. Maybe Mark Noble isn't meant to play for England for some weird destiny reason or the like???

Too good for England ........but perfect for the Republic of East London (and also Ireland!)



  1. The defence are not an issue. They were out there for a bit of fun. There was no need to be crashing into players and potentially injuring themselves before a very vital end to the season. To see Tomkins and O'Brian back as well is something to be happy about and there is no better game to get a 45 min run around.

    1. For sure, just having a laugh....the defence are very tight right now. It was football panto at its best!

      Great to see that the happiness count at the club right now is sky high

  2. Mmmm-lost your sense of humour, Anonymous? Your response is about as funny as a Roy Hodgson press conference. On a different note; does anyone know if there is a justgiving-type website for donating to Lord Nobe's charities?


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