Hammers prepare for trip to North Korea!

It's gotta be two up front?

After West ham's stunning initial success with the strikerless 4-6-0 formation, there can be no doubting that the tactic has backfired and manager Sam Allardisi has been forced to come up with a new strategy in the hope of avoiding Premiership relegation. Today, for once, there was some good news for beleaguered Hammers fans with the announcement that they have been successful in their permit application for Lacina Traore. This, along with last weekend’s return of the athletic Andy Carroll, means that Big Sam can unveil his all new Hammers squad formation.

Take a wild guess which one is Traore!

The expert psychobabbleologists view is that Sam’s recent near-sacking experience has ‘encouraged’ him to look towards a more entertaining brand of footie, and to that end he has opted for a new formation based upon those international superstars at the Harlem Globetrotters. Known for their extreme athleticism and entertaining showmanship, the basketball outfit provide the ideal model for East london’s finest. moreover, with the incredible height within his current squad, Sam can finally bring the Bubbles to a new elevation. At a nosebleed-inducing 6 foot 8 inches tall, Traore will be the tallest player to ever turn out in the Premiership meaning that Peter Crouch can honestly seek a change of name by deed poll to silence the chuckles that his current moniker provokes!

In addition, it is speculated that top international peacemaker, Denis Rodman, with his recent political basketball mission to North Korea may have also opened the way for lucrative visits from soccer teams – with West Ham’s new Basketball ethos likely to put them to the front of the quickly forming queue to visit the luxurious tourist paradise that is Pyongyang. Moreover, Big Sam Allardyce is likely to welcome the opportunity to meet with National director of football, Kim Jong il to discuss ways of keeping exciting Ravel Morrison in check and to formulate an appropriate response to Fulham's unsavoury 'tapping up' of the young star. 

Let’s hope the whole project isn’t ruined by the small matter of agreeing personal terms with the towering striker!