Chelsea Spring Shock Raid on Hammers Squad!!!

In horrible scenes at Chadwell heath earlier this week it emerged that in an effort to ensure that they are London’s top Premiership outfit next season, Chelsea have signed the complete West Ham squad!

While previous Boleyn burglaries by the Chavtastic West Londoners are well documented, a raid of this scale is unheard of! It seems that West Ham took their eyes of the ball while they were busy courting Demba Ba and Romelu Lukaku, and during this time the Pensioners seized the opportunity to steal the complete Hammers squad!

Previous abductee Joe Cole expressed dismay at being forced to return to Chelsea where his previous employment was principally as an entertaining seal for the thuggish West London fans.

Meanwhile, for the vulture brothers - James Tomkins and Jack Collison -  this move will provide even more time to catch up on much- needed rest and relaxation warming the bench just like they did for most of last season at the Boleyn.

For some observers, however, the Chelsea move is a simple matter of ruthless Mourinho logic given that both Mark Noble and Momo Diame are streets ahead of anything the current Chelski squad has to offer in midfield.  In Noble’s case, the move is seen as a final desperate move to attract the attentions of England boss Woy Hodgson who persisted in overlooking the ace midfielder despite his consistently excellent performances in the premiership last year. This latest gesture is merely the latest attention-seeking manoeuvre by the Hammer’s star to get the Mr Hodgson to take notice!