It’s Pussy Galore as Hammers head to Hull

As the row over the name change for Hull City continues, West Ham have agreed to act a mediatoros between owner Assem Allam and the fans who, it is said, believe the new name is too violent for their friendly club.  In a gesture of extreme altruism, for today’s match the Hammers will allow the troubled club to play using compromise name ‘Hull City Pussycats’ and plan to provide Allam with a compelling example of how this name is considerably more suitable for the club by giving them a good thumping. 

However, sources inside the Boleyn have expressed concern as the East London side have managed a mere five shots on target in their three away games so far this season and therefore seem a little unlikely to muster up a bag full of goals during today’s match.  Never the less, Hull will fear the return of Carlton ‘Killer’ Cole who has enjoyed previous encounters with Tigers and rejoined the Hammers over the past few days and could be sprung from the bench.  

The big question will be who will start up front – another chance for Maiga or the refreshingly self-critical Petric? Maybe Ricky Vaz Te has earned a chance after his midweek heroics? Maybe Big Sam might even break with his conservative instincts and give young Elliot Lee a chance – especially after his four goals in midweek against Ipswich Town for the stiffs!

Otherwise, Ravel Morrison is aiming to break his 22 second goal scoring record and in a novel  tactic may even try to score against Hull before the official kick off. Hull fans have urged the match referee to keep a close eye on the watch to ensure that the game has actually started when Ravel scores his first goal today.

West ham will be hoping that match referee Kevin Friend is a little more amicable than last weeks whistleblower who made such a harsh call against nice guy Mark Noble that turned the game against Everton. They say such luck balances out over time, so maybe today the Hammers might get a dodgy call or two? We predict a 4-3 classic!