As the uncertainty regarding Andy Carroll’s future rages, it has emerged that the loan deal that brought him to Upton Park may be even MORE complicated than was first thought! Even as he helped the swashbuckling Hammers to a breathtaking demolition of lowly Fulham at the weekend, reports from Anfield suggested that Liverpool may invoke a clause in his contract that allows them to recall Carroll at Christmas. Hammers fans have hit out at Pool’s Killjoy threats and vowed to resist the curmudgeonly Scousers Yule tidings.
|A full Andy at training last week|
Another possible solution would be for the clubs to avail of his services on alternate weeks – like a timeshare arrangement. A further delicious possibility would be for Andy to play alternate halfs for each side in the likely top of the table clash scheduled for Anfield in April. This could provide the eco-aware Andy an ideal opportunity to set an example by wearing a hybrid Liver-Ham kit thus reducing the workload for busy Anfield laundering staff.
|A disgusting mess that mixing Hammers and Pool kits could produce|
Either way, it looks like the clubs are going to have to get down together and thrash out a deal over how best to share out the considerable spoils of Andy’s endeavours over the season. Liverpool will certainly be hoping to get a better deal than they did the last time they negotiated a deal with West Ham – the famous Dicks-Marsh-Burrows accord that saw the Hammers achieve Premiership survival. Conspiracy theorists continue to insist that the follicly challenged psycho who turned out for the Pool was in fact Bill Carter – the 1980s troubadour with punk legends the Screaming Blue Messiahs - who posed as the silky-skilled defender while the real Dicks took a year out to compete on the professional Golf circuit.
Yet another Dicks impersonator
In a further twist, it is rumoured that Liverpool have reserved the right to assume control of Andy’s left foot from January onwards. It is thought that a similar agreement was the basis for Everton’s remarkable Premiership survival in 1994 when the usually reliable Wimbledon stopper, Hans Segers, found himself unable to reach down for a gentle possession-returning pass from Everton’s Graeme Stuart. It is believed that Everton had in some way assumed financial control of his lower limb thus preventing him from making the routine save that would have condemned the Toffees to the lower division in a season that, after all the final day musical chairs, predictably resulted in Sheffield United being once again relegated in ‘suspicious’ circumstances. THE END.
Some Dogged Blades Fans