Monday, 10 December 2012

Hammers Bag Five But Still Shot Down as Police investigate Possible Dart Gun Attack: West Ham 2-3 Liverpool


There were truly remarkable scenes in the final 15 minutes of the upper-mid table clash between West Ham and Liverpool that took place yesterday in the mid to late afternoon. The game was progressing towards a predictable victory for the vastly superior home side until proceedings were suddenly turned on their head by a disturbing incident involving Hammer’s midfielder Momo Diame and an inexplicable injury to his left hamstring. Some observers reported possibly seeing a blow dart flying through the air before seeming to lodge in the misfortunate player’s thigh.
How a blow dart might look if in fact one was involved

One alternate explanation is that, with the death of the ultimate astronomer, Sir Patrick Moore, the Earth’s alignment within the solar system has been seriously disturbed thus contributing to the bizarre turn of events at Upton Park including the barely believable tomfoolery that led to the own goal by James Collins.

Moore than just an astronomer

One disappointed Hammers fan remarked that is was barely credible that Allardyce’s side could concede from such a strong position with fifteen minutes to go and speculated as to probable witchcraft in the Liverpool camp before musing that, on the plus side, at least for once we weren’t robbed by Stevie G-string.
                                                   Rodgers does his best Suarez impersonation

The once feared club have been in serious decline for over two decades and are thought to have turned to black magic in recent seasons in an attempt to avoid a Sheffield United-like demise into the minor leagues.


                                                     It clearly says Reading, QPR and Southampton

Meanwhile Joe Cole and Glen Johnson were inconsolable after their desperate errors of judgement and were said to be terrified at the prospect of meeting a furious Tony Carr who is said to have remarked " I taught these lads how to play proper footie with the expectation that these abilities would be used in a constructive and sensible manner". It seems those who leave West Ham are doomed to wander aimlessly thereafter...


                                                                           Nice Jersey!

Finally, geeky types can brace themselves for a right stonker of a question in future pub quizzes enquiring  “when did three West Ham players score own goals in one match” - surely one for the record books?
                                                                               Go Bubbles!

 

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