Emergency Services Intervene To Save Hammers Hitman Ahead of QPR Clash

In the week that saw the 'Tomkinsgate' trial finally put to bed, those friendly folk at the other end of the 999 line were again called into line to provide a crucial intervention for a Hammers star. Reports have emerged that West Ham's new record making striker, Diafra Sakho, decided to come over all prodigy-like and managed to set fire to an apartment complex which houses four of the current squad!

Sam Allardyce was recently full of praise for his backroom support staff for their efforts to prevent another newbie - Ecuadorian superstar Enner Valencia from mistakenly eating 'dog food'!, but obviously did not reckon upon his new recruits being unable to manage simple electrical appliances! 

It is not known whether Tomkins was visiting at the time, but if so its likely that he would have hidden in the wardrobe rather than face another encounter with emergency services.

Meanwhile, Sakho et al survived the incident and will look to set the game alight today as they face a selection of retied Hammers currently playing part-time for the Queens and Park Rangers club.

Will Sakho make it five consecutive scoring appearances since his West Ham debut? We are predicting a 4-2 thriller, with a brace for Sakho as the Hammers underline their new attacking style.



 

Liverpool to Lodge Complaint with the Advertising Standards Commission

The British Advertising Standards Commission were put on alert this evening as Liverpool FC were poised to lodge a formal complaint regarding misleading material having been provided to the unsuspecting public ahead of an event in London today. The event was billed as West Ham United (AKA ‘The Hammers’) versus Liverpool (AKA ‘the Reds’) and was scheduled for Upton Park this evening. Such a fixture guarantees a gutsy Hammers effort that ultimately proves fruitless as the mighty Reds take all three points and return to Anfield.

Not so today, however, as West Ham ran out 3-1 victors, with the score line more than deserved. Perhaps even more galling for the Scousers was the fact that instead of being presented with a negative and cautious Allardycian outfit, they encountered a swashbuckling ‘continental’-style Hammers who dominated for long periods by virtue of free-flowing passing footie the likes of which hasn’t been seen at Upton Park for some time! Pool were left reaching for the phone directory to get the number of the advertising standards authority as this was no ‘West ham’ as they know it!

 

It’s hard to know where to start with the accolades but the Sakho-Valencia strike partnership looks very impressive, with Sakho in particular a real irritant for opposition and his exquisite chip in the seventh minute the latest contender in the ever growing list of Hammers’ goals of the season! Alex Song’s partnership with Cheik Kouyate looks formidable with their speed, passing and physicality proving too much for the Liverpool midfield! It's hard to see how or where Kevin Nolan will fit in when he is fit again, ahem.......

 

At the back, we looked more like the solid outfit of last year and it was great to see James Collins returning to the fray. Winston Reid's opener caught Liverpool cold, but his all round performance underlined the importance of holing onto perhaps our best player as we get ever-closer to the Olympic Stadium. Mark Noble kept the whole unit ticking over and, in the presence of decent passing midfield partners, looks like the first class player Engerland need to shore up their insipid midfield. Even Adrian got to pull off a few important saves, but perhaps more tellingly. Looked confident and secure during set pieces against a tall Liverpool side.  

But perhaps the man of the match award should go to Stewart Downing – a player who towards the end of his Anfield career was cruelly (and unfairly) dubbed one of the worst players to play for Liverpool – but has been a consistently excellent performer for West Ham and this season has returned to the kind of scintillating form that a few years ago made him one of the most sought-after talents in the English game! Downing has tormented our opponents this season and has a bag-full of assists to prove the point. Even better, he has been pitching in with some canny defensive cover for the evergreen Guy Demel…Today he was simply rampant against his former employers!

 

Liverpool never really got going and in all honesty bring to mind the wisdom of Blackadder’s Lord Melchitt – “Liverpool without Luis Suarez is like a boy without a willy” In fairness, they simply came up against a red-hot West Ham side. Morgan Amalfitano's goal was simply the cherry for the top of a sweet soccer cake...

Next up the Red devils………simply delicious!!!

Hammers Finally Win Sam over to the 'West Ham Way'

 

After a pretty grim preseason, where West Ham struggled to score and looked shapeless going forward, it's been crazy classic old-school Bubbletastic mayhem ever since the Premiership kicked off! Last Monday's match against Hull City was the best example to date, where the KC stadium witnessed a ding-dong battle between two committed and offensively-capable sides that ended in a 2-2 draw. The neutral observer may not have deemed West Ham vs Hull to be a glamour tie, but those who tuned in were treated to a stunning battle that left observers breathless.

The good news is that the current Hammers are scoring goals of the highest quality. Zarate's super strike against Palace and Valencia's stunner against Hull are already contenders for Hammer's goal of the season! Meanwhile, Diafra Sakho is starting to look like one of those strikers who have the happy habit of popping up in the right places at the right time and who accumulate goals of all varieties.

Sakho's Premiership account was opened against Hull City on Monday after the dubious goals panel ruled that his scuffed attempt that eventually slipped over the line could be attributed to the Senegalese forward. Sakho has been a bit o a gamble as although he has been prolific over the past two seasons, averaging 20 goals a season - this has been in the French lower leagues which are a far-cry from the Premiership. So far, so good and his signing looks like an astute investment as apart from the goals, Sahko poses a big physical presence and looks deliciously direct and pacey with it!

Sakho also picked up a goal in the League Cup encounter against the team who shall not be mentioned. However, his best strike was in a development squad match against the hapless Ipswich Town where he combined with Alex Song and Ravel Morrison to finish off an audacious strike worthy of Hurst, McAvennie and even Mr Di Canio!

Check it out at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWoHGy1dZ1Y#t=100

Hammers fans will undoubtedly be enjoying the rediscovery of exciting football as promised before the season started and with a haul of 4 points after 4 games we are sitting reasonably comfortably. If we could rediscover  defensive parsimony of previous Allardyce campaigns we could be a real force to reckon with!

Next up, we will hope to improve upon traditional Hammers form against old rivals Liverpool and Man United. Both sides look out of sorts and just maybe this is a good time to improve our record against them.

Either way, let the entertainment roll......Maybe it's time for a decent run in the FA Cup!

COYI!!!

 

Momo Abduction: How Much Will We Miss Diame?

Hull: an alien place!

The departure of Momo Diame from West Ham to Hull City on transfer deadline day occurred relatively quietly in the background to the big money moves involving Falcao et al, but it may prove to be one of the major transfers of the Summer for both sides.

Diame arrived at the Boleyn in 2012 from Wigan in a piece of handy business for West Ham as his contract had expired. He quickly established himself as a major presence in the midfield with his eye catching direct style that delivered some stunning strikes (most memorably against the Gooners and Pensioners).

As a consequence, West Ham were keen to discourage the alleged interest from a variety of clubs that has included Arsenal, Liverpool and Everton, while Diame himself seemed to court such interest in search of a top six team.

Hull!? Eugghhh, that's outside of London.

And so finally, his time at the Boleyn has ended with a move to the ambitious Hull City Pussycats. Undoubtedly, the gap is softened by the arrival of fellow Senegalese midfielder Cheikhou Kouyate, who has already won over many fans with a string of high energy appearances. Moreover, the signing of Alex Song from mighty Barcelona has more than amply substituted for Momo. So, one wonders, how much will West Ham miss the big man?



Firstly, Diame definitely brought a presence to our midfield. Mark Noble is a dynamo but does lack bulk, while Kevin Nolan is in the autumn of his career and at this stage often a yard or two off the pace. Hammers fans will certainly miss Momo's swashbuckling runs from defence into attack. We may miss the amount of possession that he loses as he has a habit of holding on to the ball a little too long and sometimes trying to run straight through the opposition - something that better defences can mostly deal with. In addition, despite his physique, Diame was not quite the physical defensive force one might expect - as evidenced by the comparison with the newly arrived Kouyate. Interestingly, none of his seven goals in 79 appearances have been headed - perhaps surprising for such a big man!

With less and less game time over the recent past, it looked like Diame's career at West Ham had hit a plateau. Time will tell how much we miss Momo - as a significant presence in the Senegal national team set up, it seems likely that he was a part in our recent signings of Cheikhou Kouyate and Diafra Sakho.

Either way, we wish him well

Except when he play against the Hammers!

West Ham Look to French Connection