Sunday 26 February 2017

West Ham Fall Victim to Fake News

All Football fans are the same aren't they - Thuggish lager swilling louts with a penchant for unprovoked violence and crap food.

Err, no apparently! A highly scientific fans' poll has identified the preferred hobbies of followers of each of the Premiership clubs, with some incredible results!

First up, Hammers' fans apparently like nothing better than to curl up beside the fire with a warm cup of Ovaltine and get stuck into some Sudoku!!! Yes - it appears that the party life is not for us. Amazing stuff, that's hard to believe especially when you look at what rival fans are allegedly up to when they aren't irrationally screaming for their preferred footy favourites:

Both Arsenal and Palace fans like a bit of chess - hipster types that they are. For Palace fans, chess is probably more thrilling than watching the typical 4-6-0 formation employed by Allardici.

Man United like their managers just like to go shopping - presumably for overpaid has been players like Schweinsteiger and I-Zlatan.

Bizarrely, Chelsea fans like to spend time with their family (those that haven't been disowned that is) while Man City fans like to jog. Everton fans like to drink - a pastime that will undoubtedly increase when Romelu Lukaku inevitably leaves this Summer!

West Brom fans love a bit of bingo - a nice extension of the boring football by numbers they endure under Tony Pulis!

Stoke fans like to indulge in a bit of gardening, Southampton fans like to play with kites and, picture this, Foxes fans like to draw.

In the unexpectedly 'cool' bracket are Bournemouth fans who like to engage in birdwatching, while Burnley fans like to DJ - presumably in the burgeoning local club scene!

Spuds fans like pool, while there was no preferred hobby for Watford fans, one suspects because the pollsters couldn't find any.

Meanwhile down at the bottom end of the table Sunderland and Middlesboro fans are united in their preference for DIY - undoubtedly both sets of fans often believe they'd be better off playing for the team themselves than leaving up to their underperforming stars.

Ironically, Hull fans like board games. That's board, not bored, although both could readily apply.

Is this just another example of what Humpty Trumpty refers to as Fake News? Or is it time for the match programme to include a new section to appease the Sudoku needs of our fanbase.



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