Wednesday 18 March 2015

Clarkson in Pole Position to Replace Allardyce

With Sam Allardyce's exit from the hot seat at West Ham seeming increasingly inevitable, bookies have begun to speculate as to a suitable replacement. A myriad of possible managers have been suggested - from David Moyes to Slaven Bilic, but top sports psychobabbleologists have suggested that, having become dependent upon being governed by a big arrogant authoritarian figure, similar qualities in any replacement would lend themselves to a smooth transition for the emotionally-fragile playing staff.

With that in mind, the free and available Jeremy Clarkson has been mooted as the ideal candidate. Larger than life, bombastic and handy at pugilistic enforcement if needed, it has been suggested that he could readily fill the shoes of big Sam. Moreover, the desire that any new manager would add flamboyance to the current 'efficient but on the dull side' Ford Mondeo-like squad would be more than welcome as the East End giants try to rediscover the West Ham way.

Clarkson's odds were slashed when he was spotted at the recent West Ham versus Chelsea game on what was in all likelihood a scouting mission. Moreover, other sources have revealed that Messers Gold and Sullivan have commissioned Ferrari to provide a signing-on softener for the automotive fanatic.

However, Clakson's appointment would not come without it's problems. Having little or no knowledge of basic football tactics could be an issue, although this did not prevent Avram Grunt from occupying the role for a whole season of entertainment. Perhaps more problematic would be his well documented difficulties working with Argentinians. This could prove to be a serious obstacle in working with Mauro Zarate who, it is rumoured, will be paired with fellow Argie and Hammer's legend Carlos Tevez when he returns to the Premiership next season!

What do you think - could Jezza do a job for the Hammers?



  1. Surely we'd be better off with the HAMster!

  2. No, he cudnt.


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