Saturday, 5 July 2014

Pleased to Michu: Hammers finally get their 'man'


The proper 'ALF'
After all the speculation over the past few weeks about the imminent arrival of Michu to Upton Park, the club have finally got their man as word has it that the staff at the Boleyn are preparing to unveil their latest Summer signing.

Over the past few weeks, many observers have become obsessed with the possibility that Swansea forward, Michu (AKA Miguel Perez Cuesta), might arrive to provide reinforcements for Andy Carroll in the Upton Park medical room.

 While the injury prone Spaniard would provide ideal cover for the likely case that Andy Carroll might undergo a sustained period out through injury, in fact the Hammers single greatest deficit is in terms of much needed back up in the mascot department - with both Hammerhead and Bubbles the Bear almost as far past their best as Kevin Nolan!

Note how Michu craftily conceals his ankle injury by kneeling 
Not surprisingly, therefore, the Hammers board have moved to bring in new blood and not only thinking outside the box - they have gone outside the universe to capture Mihaly 'Michu' Meszaros - the diminuitive man behind much loved 80's sitcom character ALF (Alien Life Force).

Born in Hungary in 1939, the little man stands at 2 foot 9 inches tall and brings a wealth of experience with him as he has worked with Barnum and Bailey's circus as the 'shortest man in the world' and even has a street in Hawthorne, California named after him!

Oi: Why are Eastwood and Kightly
above James Tomkins on the list?
With the Michu issue finally sorted, the Hammers can move on to look at other high profile stars to boost their ranks, as even at his extraterrestrial age of 285 years, ALF is not quite as old as Jussi Jaaskelainen and unlikely to provide adequate injury time to match that of the Hammers top forward - maybe they can also capture the other Michu?

Meanwhile, rumours abound that the Hammers are looking at another ALF - Basildon's Alison Poyet, star frontperson for eighties popsters Yazoo...while in other reports they are looking at Charlton Athletic's Diego Poyet, son of current Slumberland boss, Gus.

There's so much going on out there that some Hammers fans have elected to ignore it all until the actual action resumes in a few weeks time.....Hmmmm.



16 comments:

  1. BFS wouldnt know what to do with Michu

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    1. Teddy would though - similar styles.

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  2. I clicked thinking it would be a joke, but it isn't jokes are supposed to be funny but this is pathetic, give up you moron.

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    1. Bit harsh mate - the point is that we'd be as well off with a 3 ft tall Hungarian as an overpriced crocked off-from player who is being offloaded by a side who are likely to get relegated next year...

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    2. Shouldn't that be 'offloaded to a side likely to get relegated next year'?

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    3. "Moran" didn't he play for Man United in the eighties?

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    4. Didn't we finish below Swansea last season - more chance of us getting relegated than them !!!!

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  3. Author, Please die quickly and painfully.

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    1. Your comment is duly noted. However, given the basic grammatical error (no capital 'P' after the comma) you have been consigned to category C and, given our current resources, is unlikely to ever be addressed.

      If you want to goad people to death then you will have to brush up on your English language skills.

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    2. Thankyou for your feedback. Unfortunately our complaints officer, Barry the Bludgeoner, is on holidays at present, but we are sure he will deal with it in a VERY thorough manner as soon as he returns.

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  4. Please kill yourself, or support Tottenham

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    Replies
    1. OK, i guess it's a classic case of death before dishonour. The Tottie option simply isn't on.

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  5. Every time I read one of the articles on here I wish I hadn't. Speculative, uninteresting and about as funny as aids.

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  6. please don't give up on us, we promise to try harder

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  7. 'Speculative' errr-
    you're obviously not from Basildon then mate....are you from Kent?

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  8. thank god for that, i thought we'd signed him an was hoping we hadn't so sweet, no harm done

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