Saturday 31 December 2016

Defoe: I Want Another Bite at the Hammers!

My ole man's....
Just as the bookies slashed the odds on Jermain Defoe returning to the Hammers, Ex Captain Kevin Nolan has advised the prolific striker to seize the opportunity if and when West Ham come calling.

While Defoe is still 8/15 to stay at Slumberland, West Ham lead the chase at 51/8, with Crystal Palace second favourites at 8/1 and Spurs next at 28/1. Undoubtedly David Moyes will want to keep Defoe on Wearside as Defoe's goals are the main barrier that exists between the Black Cats and another relegation to the Championship.

Defoe remains something of a controversial figure for Hammers fans and is sometimes referred to as Judas #2 after handing in a transfer request within hours of our tragic relegation in 2003. However, a recent poll indicates that over two-thirds of fans have forgiven him for his insensitivity and would welcome him back to the club to add a bit of much-needed bite to our misfiring attack.

Oi, wot u doin - this aint Gauchos mate!

However, some fans remain sceptical and recall
Defoe's outlandish attack on then-Hammer Javier 'i can probably play better than this' Mascherano in 2006. Defoe was subsequently given a life ban from playing for a proper football team, something which forced him to stay at Tottenham for most of his career.

Oliver Can....and he will!

But even though the Hammers will blame tragic Tottenham for Defoes conversion to cannibalism, there can be no doubting that Oliver Kahn's 1999 carnivornous attack on Borussia Dortmund's Heiko Herrlich occured whilst wearing a Hammers away jersey. Such behaviour is unacceptable - even in the Bundesliga.

BTW that's Neil Ruddock looking on nonchalantly.

All of this could have been snuffed out if only the footballing world hadn't misinterpreted John Hartson's attempted purge of gnasher-related footballing offences when he attempted to kick teammate Eyal Berkovic's teeth out during a training ground routine in 1998. This was almost certainly a (vain) attempt to remove dental problems from the game for once and for all.

However, once again  the ruling authorities got it all wrong, horribly horribly wrong.

1 comment:

  1. Quality comedic article. Fact is, Defoe is better than what we have, scores goals, and will relish being home again. No brainer for 1 or 2 seasons.


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