Hammers Starlets in Class Footie Expose!

The latest trend amongst football fans worldwide is simply rampant at present, including at the West Ham camp as a sensational shot released today reveals!

Some intrepid Hammers fan managed to sneak into the too secret pre-Europa league training camp and capture both Elliott Lee and Josh Cullen with a stunning example of a footie!

Connossieurs worldwide are already calling this the ultimate 'footie' based upon the perfect positioning of the shoe in terms of the subjects of the shot along with the subtle juxtapositioning of the green lacing with the background scenery - simply awesome work!!!

The season has hardly begun and already the Hammers are pushing for top awards....well done lads, let's hope Mr Bilic rewards you both with some Europa league action on Thursday!

Europa League Clash Offers Sneak Preview of Olympic Stadium!

As the initial relief that West Ham had avoided Azerbaijani opposition for the first round of the Europa League subsided, it quickly became evident that a trip to Andorra to see the away leg against FC Lusitanos would be unlikely to include attending the match as the only stadium in Andorra has a capacity of a mere 899!!! Tickets for away fans would be as rare as the fictional Wonka Golden Tickets of the famous book & film!

However, our crack sleuths at VERYWESTHAM have identified a way in which Hammers fans can watch the game whilst also getting in practice for the category 5 seating at the Olympic Stadium! The stadium is overlooked by steep hills on all sides - and these could prove the perfect vantage point from which to view the match! Moreover, the climate is such that there should be no need for anything other than the Earth's own roof to keep away any inclement weather.

One down side however, is that the usual overpriced and information-deficient programmes and super-unhealthy stadium nosh would not be available in this part of the ground. Fans may be expected to forego the delights of paying a fiver for a shrivelled piece of rubber whilst looking at endless advertisements for insurance and the like.

As we said earlier this week - the Europa League would test the determination of even the most loyal West Ham fans!

West Ham Strip Down to the Nipples!

After the apparent success of the Hammers new home strip, attentions have turned to the possible design of the away jersey.

Already a number of leaked images and mock ups have started to emerge -with the "interesting" looking effort above the most plausible to date.

Given the supermax levels of nostalgia that are doing the rounds as we approach the final season at the Boleyn, fans are predicting a return to our sky blue with claret hoops design rather than some of the white / darker blue efforts that have been used in recent times.

The secret to capturing that classic away jersey look is in the positioning of the claret hoops. As our top model Mr Moore demonstrates, the upper of the two hoops must be at nipple height in order to avoid the disappointing efforts from 2001 and 2011 shown below.

The problem with the classic design is that the hoops need to be positioned where the sponsors name now typically sits - the 2001 jersey modelled below by Mr Di Canio accomodated the Dr Martens logo between the hoops (which created an unsightly and excessive gap between them)

While the umbilical hoop positioning of the 2011 version was aesthetically unappealing as demonstrated by Mr Noble.

Its hard to decide where to place the Betway logo unless it is placed upon a single nipple-height hoop.

And that's not the classic design. Hmmmm.

Two further observations;

1. The sky blue should be of similar colour and design either side of the claret hoops - unlike the proposed design above.

2. The away strip should be devoid of white - JUST claret n blue.

Bilic Turns Down Major Rock Gig to focus upon Hammers

 

He may be known as the 'Rockstar Manager' but Slaven Bilic only has time for one love at present and that's managing West Ham United FC!

In his first major interview with a Hammers fansite, the trendy Croatian was asked if he wanyed to indulge in some air-guitar by the in-house band at VERYWESTHAM. The response was a definite no and we are thus left to ponder what might have been if the Rawbau axe legend had teamed up with the musical mayhem of the VWH crew!

Our staff artist has produced a mock-up of how such an air-guitar fest might have looked if Bilioc had succumbed to the invitation...

 

New Soccer Stalking Technology Released

We've all grown out of the onesie and tired of the endless selfies, but today a new rage was launched when VERYWESTHAM unleashed the perfect photographic stalking tool for Soccer fans - "THE FOOTIE"!!!

The ingenious means of documenting that you captured a soccer celebrity to yourself without ruining the shot by including your own ugly mug is sure to take the football world by storm!

The VERYWESTHAM team took the opportunity at West Ham's training session in Ireland to test out the technology and you can see the stunning result!

The technique requires that the stalker (1) identify a suitably famous footie player, and then (2) point their camera at same 'stalkee', then (3) lie back and raise your foot until it enters the lower zone of the shot, and (4) HEY PRESTO!!! a Footie is born!

Above we can see the unsuspecting James Tomkins, Joey O'Brien and Mauro Zarate caught in a classic footie snap!

But perhaps best of all, here we have the new management team at West Ham 'footied' with young Rory Meagher (The VWH youth correspondent) in attendance!
 

Olympic Stadium Issue Finally Resolved

In tragic news today it was revealed that a suspected terrorist attack in the East London area was, in fact, the head of ex-Leyton Orient Chairman Barry Hearn finally succumbing to the extreme vitriolic rage within. Apparently, upon learning that some folk at West Ham were happy and content with the proposed move to their new home at the OS, Mr Hearn's head became even more swollen than usual before suddenly exploding messily all over East London! Fittingly. He may have finally gotten a slice of the action at the Olympic stadium as a small part of his cerebellum is thought to have landed beside the half way line.


The state pathologist has put the death down to natural causes – “Mr Hearn was always expected to eventually spontaneously combust due to the relentless whinging and whining that he engaged in and the prospect of having to endure West Ham's triumphant return to European action seems to have finally pushed him too far". An insider a local public house revealed 'most observers feel that this awful incident needs to finally put an end to the relentless and totally pointless windbagging from Hearn and his motley gang of whining whingers'.

However, Top Mystic Charlotte-Anne has warned the Hammers staff to look out for poltergeist activities as Hearn is unlikely to let mere death stand in the way of further futile protesting.

Olympic Stadium attacked by dodgy Superhero!

Just when you thought that the Olympic Stadium issue had been finally put to bed, Bazza Hearn has managed to manoevre things so that it is again considered newsworthy.

Having abandoned ship at Leyton Orient, Baz is at a very loose end and with so much time on his hands has linked up with Superhero - Captain Underpants - in an effort to finally bring those naughty badpersons at West ham to justice.

At this stage you really would have to wonder what drives these folk who keep trying to sabotage West ham's move to the Olympic Stadium. Given that it is so clear that the club are the only suitable tenants for the venue, its hard not to see the persistent bleating as a case of very sour grapes.

Either way, it'll take more than underpants to dislodge the Hammers at this stage.