Wednesday, 3 May 2023

Rocky Mountain Yellow Spotted Fever amongst the possible explanations as morbid Hammers visit Etihad

Tonight's clash with a truly ebullient Man City was never going to an easy game for the Hammers but their quest for Premiership points has been frustrated by a mystery virus in the camp!

With Kurt Zouma still injured, the dreadful news is that Rice, Aguerd and Soucek have been sent home due to viral symptoms.

While the exact cause has yet to be identified, our in house Football microbiologist Prof Lars Windybottom has speculated that the cause of the mystery symptoms could be Rocky Mountain Yellow Spotted Fever.

Although the condition is rare outside of the Americas, it is knock to be more common in areas with high populations of Ticks, which again raises the problematic issue of residing in close proximity to Tottenham Hotspurs.

Either way, tonight has become  an even more terrifying prospect, with Erling Haaland only too happy to dispose of the mounting bodies amongst the sick and infirmed ranks of West ham. 

Let's hope Rice and Co make a speedy recovery.

David Moyes is rumoured to be considering settling for just a draw. 

West Ham United: Fabiański, Coufal, Kehrer, Ogbonna, Cresswell ©, Emerson, Bowen, Downes, Paquetá, Fornals, Antonio

Subs: Areola (GK), Anang (GK), Johnson, Lanzini, Cornet, Benrahma, Ings

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