Everton 2-0 West Ham: West Ham team annihilated in subbuteo travesty

The West Ham management team were left speechless after the recent trip to Goodison Park for the annual defeat to Everton. A clearly upset and openly emotional Sam Allardyce sobbed as he was interviewed…..”this is the worst annihilation of a West Ham team since Hugo and Lily took into the vintage Subbuteo side after mistaking them for a box of fairy cakes”. “The players never stood a chance – exposed to that wicked locking jaw mechanism”.

Two suspects beside what remains of the tragic Hammers team

                              

The sordid truth is further emphasised in the full time stats which show that Everton had a colossal 23 attemps on the West Ham goal, 13 of which were on target, compared with West Ham’s paltry seven attempts of which only two were in the right direction! At least the Hammers can take some consolation in that they narrowly pipped Everton in respect of throw ins awarded – at 39 vs Everton’s modest 27. No doubt Big Sam will be looking to capitalise on this advantage when the Hammers move to the ‘spacious’ Olympic stadium!

 

                                                   At Last! A role for Modi Maiga

 

Meanwhile, Hammers spirits will be raised by the incredibly generous offer of Andy Carroll to take a cut in his 90K a week salary next season but will perhaps be disappointed that this is with the intention of rejoining his beloved Toon rather than prolong his East London adventure.  Andy has opted to stop watering the garden with champagne as a simple means of bridging the gap.

 

In better news, Hammers have already signed a new midfield playmaker for next season.