Monday 25 February 2013

Big Sam reassures Hammers faithful that beating Spurs will be as easy as riding a bicycle

Despite all the positive talk about the replenishing boost that the Hammers squad will have received from their recent trip to sunny Dubai, reports from the training ground suggest that after their prolonged break from Premiership mayhem, some Hammers are struggling to remember how to play footie. However, Big Sam has laughed off such notions while suggesting that his style of football is so simple that it’ll be as easy as riding a bicycle for players tonight.
Easy, Easy!!!
Winston Reid and James Collins, with their Kiwi and Welsh backgrounds respectively, are prone to rugby style tackling and ball catching at the best of times, while Irish ace Joey O’Brien’s default state involves clattering the ball and baitin’ nine bells of shite out of any opposing players using any implement or stick  that might come to hand – very much in the style of hurlers from his native country.

However, The Irishman’s knowledge of another Irish sport may prove crucial to overcoming the Hotspurs tonight. Hare coursing has developed a bad name over the years due to the cruelty inflicted upon the harmless little rabbit-like creatures by the chasing hounds, but Hammers fans will shed few tears for Gareth Bale if he gets ripped asunder by the chasing Hammers defensive pack. In an effort to appease the bleeding hearts, James Tompkins and Guy Demel have apparently agreed to wear muzzles for the evening.

Either way, Hammer’s fans will be hoping that the aerially-adept Andy Carroll can inflict his own version of bloodsport upon the Spurs defence.  Word on the street has it that he has been getting special help from his French cousin, Sebastien Chabal, AKA the Caveman.
Either way, we can expect some rough and tumble out there tonight!


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