Zarate Hungry for Hammers Return

The football world was again left biting its tongue wondering how to respond to its latest biting incident. Once again, an Ex-West Ham player was at the centre of the gnasher-grief as Mauro Zarate appears to have taken retribution for an alleged punch by taking a chunk out of Jeison Murillo of Inter Milan in the dying moments of Sunday nights game which, incidentally, Fiorentina won 2-1.

 

Oi, wot u doin - this aint Gauchos mate!

While for Italian fans the events will bring back memories of Luis Sewerage's foul attack on Juventus' Giorgio Chiellini in the last world cup, many Hammers fans will be horribly retraumatised by the incident as it will undoubtedly trigger memories of Jermain Defoe's disgusting attack on then-Hammer Javier 'i can probably play better than this' Mascherano back in 2006.

Defoe was subsequently given a life ban from playing for a proper football team, something which forced him to stay at Tottenham for most of the rest of his career.






But even though the Hammers will blame tragic Tottenham for Defoes conversion to cannibalism, there can be no doubting that Oliver Kahn's 1999 carnivornous attack on Borussia Dortmund's Heiko Herrlich occured whilst wearing a Hammers away jersey. Such behaviour is unacceptable - even in the Bundesliga.







BTW that's Neil Ruddock looking on nonchalantly.

All of this could have been snuffed out if only the footballing world hadn't misinterpreted John Hartson's attempted purge of gnasher-related footballing offences when he attempted to kick teammate Eyal Berkovic's teeth out during a training ground routine in 1998. This was almost certainly a (vain) attempt to remove dental problems from the game for once and for all.

As Byram Negotiations Hot Up, Who are the Two Makeweights?

It wasn't me, honestly!

Latest news is that West Ham are still very actively seeking the services of talented Leeds right back Sam Byram, currently tussling with Everton and West Brom for his signature. With the current deal rumoured to involve cash plus two un-named players, specualtion is growing as to the identities of the two who are deemed surplus to requirements.

The strength of Slaven Bilic's first team squad is such that it's hard to find anybody who might fit the description of un-needed! Joey O'Brien's time at Upton Park may well be coming to an end but his injury history is such that he is unlikely to leave until his contract runs out. The rest of our defence is either still developing or untested (Stephen Hendrie) or not for sale.

Otherwise, Mauro Zarate is one player who might wish to move elsewhere but Leeds would represent a massive step down in status for the Argentinian. Moreover, although Zarate is quite inconsistent, on his day he is undoubtedly a useful part of the Hammers offensive set up and with both Sakho and Carroll out Bilic is likely to want to hold onto as many of his attacking options as possible.

Another possibility is that Nikica Jelavic might be on his way back to the Championship, although for similar reasons one would expect Bilic to be looking to bring in like for like were an attacker to depart.

Is this just speculation or could we see two first team squaddies exit? The Davids have repeated emphasised the need to prune back our wage bill before we can add reinforcements....The plot thickens

Ten Major Learning Points From The Southampton Victory

The Hammers tussle with Southampton at Upton Park yesterday evening certainly was a game of two halves. Southampton could and should have been two or three goals up at half time as a clueless Hammers lacked a clear plan and stumbled in at half time looking dazed. However, Slaven Bilic was brave and made two major substitutions at the break bringing on Carroll and Lanzini for Zarate and Song. This delivered a remarkable result as the Hammers slowly took over and totally turned it around for a 2-1 victory where, in fact, they could have won by more at the end! The performance was very revealing about the nature of our squad and among the important insights gained were;

1. Michail Antonio can be a major Premiership force. The lad has struggled for game time since moving from Notts Forest. There have been glimpses of his ability but he is far from the finished product. Last night he deservedly won the MOTM award after terrorising Southampton's defence in the second half where, once he received some decent possession, he ran at a hapless Southampton back line to devastating effect. Sides will adapt to his directness (probably) but his innate physicality and enthusiasm will give his mentors much to work with. How you wish Teddy Sheringham was still helping out as a forward's coach!

2. Alex Song is better suited to a more defensive role. Bilic played Song in an unusual position at the front of a midfield triangle but the experiment did not work out as we looked sluggish moving forward and did not create a single decent scoring chance in the first half. Song has a career total of just 11 goals in 411 games which speaks volumes for his relative offensive versus defensive abilities. BTW, that record should read 12 goals but his perfectly good strike against Arsenal was bizarrely disallowed last season.

3. Carl Jenkinson is regaining his confidence. Jenks has had a torrid season - despite scoring twice, his defensive performances have been erratic and resulted in him being dropped in favour of James Tomkins at right back. He has featured as a sub in our two previous matches where he performed well but Last night Jenks was given the daunting role of starting at left back and then switching to the right. He was solid in both positions (if a little one-footed for the left sided role) and looks to be returning to his former performance levels. Let's hope that this trend continues. 

4. Bilic can weather a crisis and use it to develop his squad. In contrast to Sam Allardyce, who responded to adversity by parking the bus and bringing in over the hill journey men (Roger the Relegator springs to mind!), Bilic has been realistic about the impact of our injury epidemic and adapoted our style accordingly. We have had little joy over the past eight games with refereeing decisions and the likes but still maintained a decent defensive record and blooded some new talent with Antonio finally getting his opportunity to show what he can do. In addition, Reece Oxford has slipped in some game time while Song and Valencia are getting back to match fitness.

5. Lanzini has a crucial creative ability and should be signed on a permanent deal as soon as possible. There is much to like about the Noble-Kouyate-Song combo in midfield which makes it super-difficult for opposition sides to score against us, but we need an incisive force if we are to create enough decent scoring opportunities to win games. Lanzini looked a bit off the pace for the first few minutes after he eneterd the fray last night but soon adjusted and suddenly we started to tick in atack and started to ask serious questions from a Southampton defence that had been cruising up to that point. Returning to the Lanzini-Payet combo as our offensive engine is a delicious prospect that we will hopefully get to realise over the near future. Tasty!

6. Mauro Zarate does not justify a starting place when we have a fully fit squad. The little Argentinian is certainly a better performer than his time under Allardyce suggested but he is a frustrating player who holds on to the ball too long and often tries to dribble out of dangerous situations in his own half. His concession of the ball to Davis towards the end of the first half last night very nearly provided Southampton with the two goal cushion they deserved! With a full squad available he presents primarily as a useful impact substitute.

7. Bilic can get it wrong sometimes. James Collins had fallen down the pecking order since Bilic arrived and looked set to join Big Sam at Sunderland until injuries forced Slaven's hand and the Ginger Pele got to strut his stuff. Is he the best shot blocker in our defence? Yes, he is! His recent two year extension may not be big media news but it represenets very good business for the club. With Tomkins impressing at right back, Collins has a more obvious role in the squad.

8. Mark Noble's set pieces are very average. Lanzini took over responsibilities once he came on and suddenly we looked more dangerous. Noble's corner kicks all too frequently fail to get past the first line of opposition defence and lack the 'whip' that creates better opportunity. Payet and Lanzini will assume primary responsibility for firing in our set piece missiles. Captain Claret is our heartbeat but he can't do it all himself!

9. James Tomkins should be in the England set up. The lad has grown in maturity and positional sense over the past two years and that TOWIE incident is well behind him. Maybe Alex Song should loan Roy Hodgson his funky spectacles so that the England boss can see some of the talent at West Ham that he has been ignoring.

10. Mark Noble should play for Ireland (We couldn't resist this one!). At 28 and with Hodgson looking comfortably ensconced as head honcho at International level, it's time those Cork relatives explained to Nobes the many delights of the Emerald Isle. Martin O'Neill and Roy Keane are still smarting over the Jack Grealish affair and would love to capture Noble's services as they lack a natural partner for James McCarthy in midfield ahead of the Euros where they are in the group of death with Italy, Belgium and Sweden. It's approaching last chance saloon for Noble and it seems a terrible waste that such a quality player may not get a single run out at full international level. Hmmm. Stop this nonsense - sign him up, NOW!

Winston Speaks!

Change for its own sake is just that...

As West Ham's defensive lynchpin continued silence over his future contract plans provokes growing frustration amongst the Hammers faithful, with boss Sam Allardyce even insinuating that Winston may have been tapped up by one of our immediate competitors, we look towards Reid's namesake - the never short on words Mr Churchill - for wisdom...

First up, it seems likely that Winston Reid sees progress as requiring a new challenge at a new club

Ehhmmm Maybe, but Hammers boss Sam Allardyce might counter that the full quote also includes the added wisdom that...

Moreover, perhaps the current apparent inevitability of Winston's departure is overstated...

Either way, Sam will have some parting thoughts for the outspoken Mauro Zarate...

And to the Gooners of Middle Arse, the inhabitants of No Heart Lane, Liverfool, Man U/C and Chelski...... even if you steal our players we have one enduring message

 

Morrison: I have the "soul of a clown"

With the January transfer window upon us there will inevitably be plenty of media manoeuvring as unhappy players and their agents try to manufacture lucrative transfer activity. Traditionally, this is a period when the desperate bring in new blood, but all too often these signings serve to further destabilise internal club politics and add to the financial mess that comes with relegation and the like.

Sounds familiar!

However, for high flying West ham this season brings a new challenge as instead of the usual impending battle with relegating,  they are sixth in the table and seek some judicious squad pruning along with a few energetic replacements. The increasing focus upon FFP compliance means that high earning players who fall out of favour are a major liability and adds to the stampede that the transfer window brings.

So who will be exiting Upton Park this January?

At the top of the list, bad boy Ravel Morrison and out of favour Mauro Zarate are fighting for front seat on the departure bus.  Zarate has been unlucky in finding himself unable to hold down a regular starting berth due to the sensational form of the team. At a rumoured 50k per week and after a public war of words with Big Sam, it seems mighty unlikely that he will stay.

I never liked the strip anyway

Similarly, Morrison has demonstrated a curious inability to knuckle down despite repeated efforts to accommodate his unique needs at the Boleyn. For sure the Tottenham goal was uplifting and the spectacular ball juggling trickery in training have been impressive, but off field nonsense has added to the sense that he is less friend than foe for the cause. Perhaps the departure of Zarate coupled with Kouyate and possibly Song's absence at the ACoN might allow Morrison to get back on the grid as an attacking midfielder for one last chance?

Elsewhere, Ricky Vaz Te needs to move on as he is well down the list for selection and at a reported 38k per week is simply to costly to not even sit on the bench. He'd be a perfect punt for the likes of Leicester or Burnley.

I want be stone free

And then there's Matt Jarvis. Signed for ten million and at 45k per week he hardly represents good value for money. With the rise of Stewart Downing, availability of the intelligent Amalfitano, and increased contribution of our current full backs to attack, maybe it's time to take the hit and let Jarvis go. Sam's use of him from the bench against West Brom could be seen as a ploy to increase his value ahead of the January rush.

Carlton Cole is part of the furniture and cannot be allowed to leave under any circumstances. This is non-negotiable.

Kevin Nolan stays, principally for his leadership qualities but some time soon Sam will have to move on as he increasingly stands out like a sore thumb in our otherwise fluid midfield.

So, expect at least three of this lot to leave with perhaps two quality signings to boost midfield and attack. Let's leave the last word to Mr Morrison...

Burnley vs West Ham: Team sheets reveal probably alien abduction episode

The starting line ups are in and there are quite a few surprises as the in-form James Tomkins has been ruled out with a thigh injury (and replaced by the ever-dependable James Collins with youngster Reece Burke joining the bench). Mark Noble is back but Cheikidh Kouyate is not yet sufficiently recovered to challenge for a place on the lively Hammers side. Enner Valencia has recovered after his goalscoring heroics during the international break and will hope to continue his form for Ecuador with the Hammers. Kevin Nolan starts from the bench. 

Mauro Zarate has mysteriously been omitted from the matchday squad and may have become the latest victim of alien abduction at the Boleyn.

The decidedly psychedelic-sounding pairing of Kieran Trippier and Danny Ings are fit for Burnley. 

We reckon 1-3 as the away side impose their new found attacking prowess

and, of course, Sakho to go 6 in 6...

COYI!!!


West Ham Utd: 

Adrian, Reid, Cresswell, Jenkinson, Collins, Song Downing, Noble, Amalfitano, Sakho, Valencia.

Subs: Jaaskelainen, Nolan, Jarvis, Vaz Te, O'Brien, Cole, Burke.

Burnley: 

Heaton, Trippier, Shackell, Mee, Duff, Kightly, Arfield, Jones, Boyd, Ings, Jutkiewicz 

Subs: Gilks, Long, Ward, Barnes, Chalobah, Wallace, Sordell.