Hairy Hammers: West Ham’s all time top hirsute XI

There can be no doubting that footie is a testosterone-fuelled pursuit and no denying the joy of witnessing a hirsute hero charging out from defence, warrior-like, with the ball and facing down the evil enemy. However, with the increasing feminisation of modern society, including the demise of the weirdy-beardies, we look back at those hairy-types who have served the Hammers down through the years and wonder how they would fare against the current whiskerless wannabes.

Grrrrrr!!!

The Hammers have been graced by a healthy collection of beardy-boys creating all manner of headaches for the fuzz-fancying selection team at verywestham . Either way, here is our selection of the Hairy Hammers XI:

 

 

Goalkeeper:  Phil Parkes  (backup:  David James)

Defence: Billy Bonds, Frank Lampard Senior, Tomas Repka, Julian Dicks (Subs bench Matthew Upson)…clearly a left back selection headache but Lampard and Dicks both make it even though playing either as a centre back would be likely to bring some ‘hairy’ momenst in defence…… Phnarrrrraha! Equally, some experts might argue that the terminators smig doesn’t really count as a proper beard but they’d probably keep their objections to themselves.

Midfield: Graham Paddon, Geoff Pike, Alan Devonshire, Joe Cole (with subs: Valon Behrami, Javier Mascherano and Keith Robson)

Strikers:  David Cross, Ricardo Vaz Te… Paulo Di Canio doesn’t quite qualify as he is a belated beardy having only stopped shaving when he entered management.

 Team captain would be Billy ‘Bonzo’ Bonds (Obviously!)

                                                        Upson: gutted at being left on the bench!