|Hammers eco-friendly team coach|
Sam’s holistic tendencies have recently gotten him into hot water with the two-Davids who are unhappy with the cost of installing seaweed bathing facilities at the Hammers health-spa cum training ground at Chadwell heath. Moreover, ace defender Winston Reid has complained that extended team Reiki sessions are leaving little time for ball-skills training. However, coaching experts at the Moby Dick public house in Chadwell Heath have reassured fans that ball skills are unlikely to be needed this season as the Hammers plan to ensure premiership survival through honest graft and endeavour rather than any time-wasting artsy-fartsy poncey ‘creative’ antics.
|Some of Sam's hippie mates during the sixties|
Meanwhile, with the recent return of Georgie McCartney and James Collins to the Boleyn, sources have speculated that Bobby Zamora may also be on his way back to his beloved Hammers. Similar to both Collins and McCartney, Zamora had no desire to leave when he was foolishly offloaded to Fulham in 2008.
The ‘Z’ man celebrates sinking the Gooners
However, commentators can see no similar way back for Hammers half-legend Joey Beauchamp. The mesmerically talented Beauchamp, now 43, has apparently been confined to his bedroom for many years since becoming overwhelmed during his extended 58 day career at West Ham. It is alleged that during this time he was forced by then Hammers manager brutish Billy Bonds to drive the whole journey from Oxford without any psychological assistance or stress counselling. “That sort of harsh and insensitive player management is thankfully a thing of the past, I won’t have my players exposed to any of that kind of callous cruelty” observed the uber-sensitive Boleyn Boss.
The last known sighting of Joey