Hammers Stars Out for Burnley Clash

Curb your enthusiasm!

West ham's season continues to peter out with the possibility of a front door entrance to Europe long gone. Stranded in mid table without any remaining purpose, the team have struggled to find the fire that is needed in order to get anything out of fixtures against sides caught up in the relegation mix.

Burnley visit the Boleyn ground today looking to get points that might propel them away from second bottom of the table. Surprisingly, after a series of insipid displays, the game is a sell out.

However, the fans enthusiasm has not been matched by the players, with a number of potential absentees due to life threatening injuries such as an "acute attack of being really bored", "grade 3 cudnt b arsed" and most worryingly an outbreak of "Chronically fatigued of it" syndrome. The players involved have not been named but expect some big name absenteeism today! Bad news for QPR, Sunderland, Hull City and Leicester.

On the positive front, last week's draw against the Queens and Park Rangers was achieved without a single disciplinary caution whilst our nearest rivals in the fair play league - today's visitors Burnley picked up two yellow cards. With the ratings soon to end, the Hammers look set to stay top as long as they dont get pulled into any disciplinary bloodbaths. Perhaps the recent on-field indifference is for a good reason?

Otherwise, Hammers fans are hoping to get a further viewing of Reece Burke and maybe even a look at Diego Poyet in midfield?

In the time of chimpanzees i was a monkey



We're too sexy...

The words of the old Beck classic come to mind as two sides on losing streaks - West ham (4 of their last five) and Stoke City (last three) - come together to try and end their respective bad runs.

West Ham are close to full strength with Enner Valencia available again, while Stoke's side reads like a Republic of Ireland teamsheet with Glenn Whelan, Mark Wilson, Jon Walters and Stephen (not) Ireland likely to start.

West ham will be watching the caution count as they still harbour hopes of a back door entry to the Europa League via the fair play ratings system. Avoiding cautions against a physically robust Potters side will be a considerable challenge.

Hammers, we are coming for Ya!

Meanwhile, Stoke boss Mark Hughes has bemoaned the perceived lack of 'sex' appeal amongst British-born managers citing Sam Allardyce and himself as examples of underappreciated managerial (presumably) sex gods. In bad news for Stoke, they have been forced to widen the pitch at the Brittania stadium in order to comply with Premier League requirements for next season - a change that will undoubtedly impact upon their ability to compress games into tight physical encounters.

Either way, somebody is gonna lose their loser status today. We predict a 1-1 'thriller'. Our intrepid reporter Patrick 'Jeremy' Paxman will be in attendance to watch the ballet!