Saturday 27 April 2013

West Ham 2-2 Man United: referees fooled by offside ‘cloaking device’

The FA are likely to slap a twenty gazillion pound fine on Big Sam after his latest post match interview ‘outburst’. The Hammer’s boss was left fuming after Robbing a Van of Persil’s blatantly offside strike was allowed to stand by the narcoleptic officials and the Hammers were infamously robbed of a famous victory in rather familiar circumstances whereby Sir Alex’s boys got the decisions despite being the away side. Hmmm.


In a physically robust encounter, the Hammers stood toe to toe with the Premiership’s imminent champions and some decent pressure resulted in a cross-head down-combination from Jarvis and Carroll allowing Ricky Vaz Te to open the account in the 17th Minute. The Hammers huffed and puffed but were irritatingly caught by a swift  and ruthless Man United counter attack that ended in a simple tap in for Valencia to equalise.

 In a memorably amusing moment, Andy Carroll decided to liven matters up from a corner whereby he clattered through Wooonie and De Gea who were left sprawled all over the Upton park turf with the ball nowhere in sight! Sir Alex found the incident considerably less amusing than the Hammer’s faithful and tried to use the incident in the post match interview  to distract from the outrageous offiside decision that earned his underperforming side a point.

In the past, Hammers sides have been accused of wilting when matches against top opposition have turned against them, but not Allardyce’s troops who simply got back to business  and early in the second half Momo Diame reminded Hammers fans how much we need to cuddle up to him to try and entice him to stay at the Boleyn when the season ends with a stunning strike from the right wing to put the Hammers 2-1 ahead.

Man United looked strangely subdued by a determined Hammers defence until out of nowhere Shinji Kagawa rattled the inside of both Hammer’s posts with a delightful strike which ultimate;ly ricocheted to the offside Van Pussy who tentatively tucked it away ready for the linesman’s ‘inevitable’ whistle………..and we waited…..and we waited…..and we are still WAITING

Tom Shagpuggle, President of the rapidly growing Hammers Trekkies association, has offered the only plausible explanation for the Linesperson's error by revealing that sources at the intergalactic confederacy have recently despatched a Klingon cloaking device to the Red Devils for use in concealing offside man united players. Early efforts by the Manchester club to develop their own cloaking facilities are though to have resulted in the embarrassing ‘Grey Jersey debacle’ that was blamed for a thrashing by lowly Southampton some years back.

The Hammers were again reassuringly solid until the end and almost nicked it, but alas it wasn’t to be and yet another moral victory over the Mancunian’s after similar injustice in the cup earlier this season.

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